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The wait has been long and I am glad I am waiting...coz I want to wait...I want to wait till it hurts...till it tears me apart...till I realize that you are gone forever...and you will not come back...
I NEED to sit here for hours today, getting shamelessly drenched in the rain, staring at the empty road that used to bring you here everyday, not for you, but for ME...to let this feeling sink in...to let the pain take its toll on me.
I WANT to remember this time, this place, this suffering always...I want to stay some more here... I want to wait some more here...wait until I lose hope of seeing you again.
I will wait until the tears cut through the strong walls of my heart and scream it aloud that you'd never come back.
Let me wait for one more minute, some more seconds...let me suffer a little more... not for you... but for ME.
I will go back home today, with a broken heart, with as much despair as I can, with as much pain as I can hold...so I'd never regret not waiting for you enough... not for you...but for ME.
Let me wait some more... some more... until the soul is completely shaken....not for you...but for me
Note : I donno how much sense it makes to anyone...It is NOT a poem...It is NOT a planned post....I really donno what it is all about. :) Don't ask me.Feel free to HATE it :D
I am back to India.. and the trip was okay-ish with loads of meetings, some time spent trapped in the heavy snow at Washington and some time spent in the sunny yet breezy Austin,where some insane guy crashed his plane in the IRS building next to my hotel.
You might have seen it in the news. Well, the building was near my hotel.Anyways, I am alive and happy to be alive... Did I just say HAPPY? ahem! When I got to know about this incident,was pretty disturbed,so left office and realized that the building was staring at me right through my hotel room's window or may be I was staring at it.
I realized how lonely I was and if I wud have been in that building across the road, by any weird chance then there'll be so many things left unsaid. Damn! I read it so many times in the daily inspirational mail forwards but it never made sense to me much...DO it now...SAY it now.. There will be no tomorrow. Now I understand some part of it.
I sometimes feel why am I scared to tell so and so person that I really don't like them...what scares me..hurting someone or coming across as rude??
I stop myself from asking someone to stay back for me even when I so very much need them to just be there and listen to me...talk to me... why?
I could not tell the one person I loved the most that I loved them before they left forever. Why?
I kept telling myself, if not today, may be tomorrow... they will understand... I will tell them...and the DAY never came and we drifted apart.
Why don't we just come out in open and say what we want to.. do what we want to... and get done with it.. this delay...this I-will-tell-you-later will not wait for me...
May be some day on some weird business trip, I will disappear without a trace and so many things will be left behind...
I think I should tell mom that I love her despite her asking me to lose weight n get married.That I secretly feel guilty for being mean to her when she is so patient with me...that I really do know deep down that no one can accept me for who I am more than her.
I think I shud tell dad that no matter how much we disagree, I love him for everything that we argue on, for his being there with me on every step and yet pretending as if he does not care... for setting me free n leaving me alone in the crowded places so I could learn to find my way.. for letting me dream and realise some of them...
I should tell my bhai-log that despite their ever-irritating habits...I adore them...and miss them more than I miss anyone when am away from home... I wish I cud tell them, they really mean the world to me and I'd kill for them, die for them or probably sell my soul to satan for them.
I should tell Chaa that no matter how much I pretend to be full of attitude with him...he is the most awesome man I have ever met and I am so glad we are family. I am so much grateful to him for loving me so much.
I should tell my friends how much each one of them contribute to my life and how much I miss them when am low, am happy, am funny or am just silent... I should tell them that no matter how rude, cold and inconsiderate I come across, I cherish each one of them...and feel incomplete without them...
I should hug Happy and Rustam daily coz they are my best friends in their own way.
OMG, there are so many things I wanna do and say...Damn! I can't write them all here..but if there is a tomorrow...I am going to say some for sure...I am going to do some for sure.
and if there is no tomorrow...I know that they'd know I loved them. :) and you'd know that I loved all you special people out there too...although I dont say that too often :)
So today I AM asking you to consider it for once..what if there is no tomorrow... Let's do it now..Let's say it now... chalo try kartey hain :)
So continuing with the Diaries series, here we come to another country and another trip. Since it was not as planned a trip as my trip to Leeds, it was full of mess... ahem! but then, you'd tell me.. wen is it that my life is nt full of mess?? :D :D *shrugs*
Iss baar,the all-time samajhdaar in me broke the journey in two slots of 9hrs each, but ended up travelling for 26 hrs *sigh* . Endless queues everywhere - be it immigrations, check-in, taxis. Ah!
Some nice gentleman-type log sat next to me in the flight from Delhi to Frankfurt and I was saved of all the trouble I have with not-so-gentlemen I usually encounter. So I slept with my mouth wide open.. ek dum mast :D :D and did not realize until the plane actually landed.
Frankfurt was good, except that had to walk a lot and stand in queues there too... Munched on a lame sandwich which claimed of veggies n had a kheera for consolation bas.. huh! Goras shud learn from desis.. apna dil ek dum solid badaa hain.. nahi!! :) Khair! I met some cute kids at the airport.. helped their moms too thoda bahut.. *sigh* how much I want kids, Rabba.
So there was this female at the airline counter, she made almost 75 kind of faces wen she talked.. mere se bhi zyada :O :O and it was difficult to look at her while I talked to her. Chakkar! Chakkar!
Flight to Washington was really bad coz some dubai-chaap Bilal (reminds me of villains frm hindi movies) sat next to me and well, he kept referring to Coke as Pepsi and pestering me with his weird gestures :| :| khair, chaddo.
And when I started thinking ki-- by gawd iss baar koi gadbad nahi huyee, I was thrown out of the immigration queue at Washington.I realized the crew gave me a wrong form. The guys at the form counter perceived me to be French :| n kept talking to me in french until some nice Obama look-alike interrupted and helped with the right form. Now, THIS resulted in a 2 hr long wait. Fir mera luggage disappeared :| Found it huddled in a corner after almost 30 mins of searching. I told myself -- AND HERE WE GO AGAIN!! ;)
I managed to get a taxi to hotel and all I cud see around me was snow... I mean it was okay until I got off the taxi and started walking...umm slipping to be precise... :| :| Took me 1 hr to reach from hotel front gate to my room... My suitcase fell almost 6-7 times in snow n I slipped donno how many times.. huh! That's my hotel in the pic :D :D
So the honeymoon was over before I cud bask in the awesomeness of it. Khair! I attempted to step out once aaj and no shops are open at all. :| The only help came from Pizza delivery... and people who know me, know that I hate Pizzas. But Pizza saved my life aaj ;) I have nothing else to eat..
Life is good.. yeah it is.. come on! At least am alive.. ;) Love u all and yeah! I do miss on all the blog fun aajkal.. I have no excuses for it... *hangs her head in shame* -- but promises, will be regular now.. with Diaries ;)
Mast rehney ka aur fultoo jeeney ka!! Ciao!
Disclaimer : All the senti sitaaras * * * are Mads ka patent.
