For the last time, one more time.

The recent incidents have kept me glued to the television but more than that it has left a positive person like me stressed out and feeling really really low. I am such a patriot...I can't help but take it all so badly on me... :( I don't feel like seeing news channels, read papers and visit the blogs who talk abt the deadly incident..I am sorry for that but then...I am a sensitive citizen of the country... I just cannot tolerate the blood-shed and injustice done to the innocent people. I am fighting at home, crying for the people and feeling guilty. I have not slept well for past 60 hrs...I am either glued to TV or dreaming abt the mishap all this while. Once I got to know its over, I took a sigh of relief but then those funeral scenes made me so sick...that I have not eaten well and I am almost at the verge of throwing up as I type. This is may be my LAST post about this... coz nopes... I cannot stand it anymore. I never thought something would affect me so badly... I am questioning my job and my role towards my country... "Okay! I pay taxes...what else??".I feel like leaving my job and devoting myself completely to the country in some way... I am getting these so-called STRANGE IDEAS. I donno what I will do about it. Only coz I am too lazy to study long, I skipped IAS else in most of my interviews I have been told I should not WASTE myself in IT... I donno whats that supposed to mean...but then I have been told the same by many people... One of them was a DGP(J&K region)... No use thinking abt it now. I had so many plans for a 2-week leave I was about to take... Now, I donno what will I do with that time... So for the last time (maybe) I am writing about this... and I am really sorry guys, I did not read or comment on the posts related to this incident... Not that I am a coward...I just need sometime to let it all sink-in. I have stayed at Taj Hotels and this one just shook me so much that I know, it will take sometime for me to accept the loss our country and all those innocent people and families have faced... It will take time for me to accept that LIFE INDEED IS TOO SHORT... uhuh!! and PEOPLE ARE SO BRUTAL... This post is not intended to gain sympathy,advice or to depress you guys... Just that this is what am feeling right now and I can't help it. I will be back to my usual self in SOME time... I donno how long itz gonna take though... Take Care Guys... and Live it up every moment... coz life is too short to let it go un-lived and un-noticed.

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Bloody Morning

Fine. I am not a strong gal... I accept it. I woke up to the sound of gunshots today... and a distant voice talking about terrorists and people being killed... Before I could realise what it was, my feet directed me to the room where the news channel was ON. I rubbed my eyes so many times to believe what I read on the screen. 81 Dead,265 injured. Biggest Terror Attack in India. Mumbai Burning....Taj Heritage torn. OMG, for a second I felt I would collapse and fall down on the ground. I started crying for no reason. May be hormones or the sensitive side of me, I just could not imagine THIS happening to MY people, MY country...but yeah! I can't even imagine any other part of the world to undergo what we have been going thru since last nite. Foolish me! I did not bother to watch TV last nite so the morning news were such a shock for me. I will not say much, just that... I am tired of being woken up like that....Shit!! Sometimes I feel, I could just go there and kill those guys... I so very want to work towards this. Its Okay! You can call me an extremist... Call me that. I have had enuff of the bloodshed. Enuff is enuff. We lost our best officers, innocent people,small kids and to top it all the peace of our mind coz of these bunch of morons...who want to rule the world with guns and grenades... Damn you guys!! Are you guys gonna live forever?? Your greed will lead you to hell. I am not a muslim but I have frenz who are and they tell me sacred QURAN does not talk about killing people....It does not. No one wants this blood-shed... Guys! you are sick in mind... I feel so helpless and weak right now... Shit! and people told me "YOU ARE STRONG"... WTF... I feel so inhuman looking at those pictures and waiting for people to be killed.... I have always been the one for PEACE but today THEY have broken all boundaries of my tolerance and I also go in with the EXTREMISTS...who believe in tit for tat. Hang them... Abuse them...do watever... But Please Stop this... I am not strong enuff to see this... One day it would be me...but as they say about Punjabis in battle-field... When I die, I will take a few alongwith me for sure... Wish I could really do something abt it... I am pissed with myself... I am sitting here in the comfort of my home...typing this....and cursing and cribbing... Can't write more.... I pray for the families and people who have died and the people who are still caught in there... And you Mother-fuckers...you call urself Jehadis... You will burn in hell, devils...!!

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One more PERVERT, One more VICTIM

I donno what state of mind am I in. I really can't make it out. Am I upset?? Am I ashamed?? Am I hurt?? Am I disgusted?? Donno!

It was yet another evening today when I went for my walk and something happened that made me feel so disgusted that I bathed myself until I felt cleaned up of someone's hands. Yuck!!

I was brisk-walking right in front of my house and thought of calling up my friend and as soon as it connected she asked to be a lil loud and before I could make out what she was talking about, a man came from behind on a bike and spanked me so badly on my back, that I was standing there all shocked and my friend kept calling out my name. I simply froze there... I did not know what to do... What could I have done?? Shouted at him, while he drove away full speed...and make a fool of myself...naah!

This is not the first time it has happened to me. I remember, while I working in hyderabad...Me and my roomie went for grocery shopping and on our way to the store... a guy did the same to me... it was a crowded enuff road and nobody even dared to help me, even when I almost fell...

For all the men reading this piece of writing, I donno what you think about THIS and I am no way generalising the whole stuff...but yeah! lemme tell you, it is not as simple as it appears to be...

Do you know how disgusted one feels after being treated like public property? Damn! Indians will never learn their lessons... they never will... The moment a woman steps out of the house, they think ...She is at their disposal...she is meant to be abused, molested and groped... Guys! You Suck!! You suck big-time...coz you know what, I know I cannot recognize u in the dark and I cannot ever grab you by your collars and kick you in your balls but I can for sure feel sorry for your sick mind that treats women as a piece of entertainment... I wud never know even if he would pass by again that its HIM....shit!

Damn! no matter how much I wash myself.... I feel those hands on me... I donno...

And the clauses that people present freak me out...

- Why don't you take your brother along for walk?? Bull-shit!! Why do I need to tag him along in my alone-time?

- Why don't you pre-pone your walk to some time later in the noon? doesnt suit my office time.- Why don't you walk in that park rather than here, there are no bikes there? So, I drive kms to get there everyday...and wht if there are peverts prowling in the park too...thanks.

- Why don't you wear a long jacket and walk?? Oh! sure... I did invite the guy to hit me there with that sportsgear...

- Why did not you catch that guy by his collar and hit him?? Ha ha ha...don't tell me that, as if I knew he wud come, touch and go... How can you even chase someone whoz at high speed on a motor-bike....??

- Why did not you shout ?? Yeah! true... as if it affected him... crap!!

I ask... Why us?? Are we meant to be groped and molested?? Do we really exist to feed someone's sexual desire??

Why do such creeps make me hate myself again and again, when they do this to me??

When will this stop?? I am not the only one whoz going thru this...many of my frenz have been thru this...

Mom asks me not to go for the walk tomorrow at the same time... I shud make it early... I donno if I'll be able to make it to the walk tomorrow... I really donno... A part of me says, "Why do you have to not go?? You are not a loser" and a part of me says, "He'll be back again, he'll do it again"...

Itz really hard to be a woman....guys!! Trust me... when treated like this...u feel like puking and u keep washing urself of someone's hands...but you can't ....coz the damage is right there in my mind...and it will remind me of my helplessness...of my disgust of being born in such a society... of being born a woman who gives birth to a man so one day he goes on the streets and treat other women as trash.

For that guy, I have just one message... You suck asshole... You really do... and You gonna pay for this some or the other way pervert!!

For all the perverts.... Someday someone will chop up off ur balls and you wud know what it takes to hurt a woman physically and psychologically.

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Yipee! Monday and Bow-Wow Tuesday ;)

It has been a roller-coster ride of a sort.Last few days have drained me off energy for sure. Monday started on a beautiful note and all I could see in my mailbox was appreciation mails from the higher-ups, clients and Business Partners for my training sessions. Okay, that brought a smile to my face, a genuine one coz I needed this boost for sure.With current recession thing ON, the overall mood around me is not good. Our team has not much work that makes sense apart from the trainings that I am delivering and few projects here and there as we are the most expensive team in our organization to afford and no one is ready to pay that price. I know lay-offs are inevitable and the redundacy of the resources in our team can lead to either closing down of the team or maybe some of us will be shown the door. Haven't thought much about it though but yeah! it crossed my mind for sure. But, anyways the mails were a breather and now even my wicked manager knows that the company does not pay me for nothing and I do put my hard work into it all ;) Tuesday was full of sessions and as I went for my evening walk, someone shouted from the back, "Your dog! Your dog!". I turned around to see a scared neighbour... "Your dog, the white one, is out of the house.". "WTF", was my instant reaction. Happy Singh made his way thru the big rails outside the house again, coz someone yet again forgot to lock the door. Damn! There were 7-8 dogs stray dogs outside and stupid HIM, he ran into the group and they would have killed him if not for me and the small kid who stays next to our house(his name is Honey and he adores Happy like anything). Honey ran after Happy and he tried calling out to him and I was doing the same. German Spitz is one breed, my doc says that never listens to the owner or anyone for that matter when they don't want to. They are their own masters. Huh! He ran almost a km in the colony compound and came back again chasing a dog. I ran after him(HE RUNS SO DAMN FAST). Honey and me, almost caught him when he snarled back when I was trying to put his leash on, he bit me on my right hand until I left him alone and Shit! a car almost ran him over as he moved more towards the main road, I had to step-in (Chaa was so furious I risked my life for him) and I almost escaped getting hit by the car. I knew "Either my dog will die right there or else I can save him no matter what". I leashed him tightly and he bit me on my left hand badly during the process. Thankfully more of the bites were superficial except the one on the left hand. It got my hand drenched in blood. Anyways, once back, he was given a nice lecture and thrashing by Chaa and me too. I was given this big lecture on why I shud have left him alone and let him be. "If he had to die under a car, he would have. Why the hell did you risk it for him?", Chaa shouted at me."I am sorry but I have raised him like a baby, I love him and I just can never let him go away coz of my mistake", I said in pain. Finally I got my tetanus shot, fixed an appointment with the pets' vet to get details of their vaccination. Crap! That Tetanus thing hurts a lot. I am no scared of injections but this one hurts much after it is given. Wednesday, we got the confirmation that both Happy and Rustam are properly vaccinated so my doctor asked me not to go for any further vaccination. Thank God! Last nite while walking, I was wondering what a day it was. Full of action !! Did I say in my last few posts that lifez not happening...lol Well it is!! For sure, it is... I love my life, it is always spiced up...ha ha ha Now when I write about this, I have a smile on my face and I am shaking my head in agreement to the fact that life indeed is adventurous for me. I am glad I saved my darling, Happy Singh. Although, we are not chatting up for past 2 days as hez trying to be normal and I am trying to act as if he has hurt me a lot...he he he... I can't help it though, he is looking at me with his twinkling eyes through the door.I so love him. :) Pics :http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/barking_cartoon_dog.JPG http://static.seekingalpha.com/uploads/2008/7/17/saupload_yipee.jpg

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You write Shit...You are so boring

Thatz what Bhai(my brother) told me today ;) I simply love him to death. He is my best critic...

And I completely agree... I do.. Sadly, I am not one of those good bloggers who have a new story and a new something to talk about. I don't expect people to expect good posts from me.

I am a self-confessed boring blogger. :) I am turning into a plain and simple cliche...and a predictable cliche for that matter. I can blame PMS or even the pressures at work.

If you come to my blog regularly, there were times you read about politics and terrorism... and current issues and women ( I think I was pretty alive those days).

Now are the cliche days when you read about my KAAM-WAALI bai (maid) escapades and the pataakha (I must mention a stupid choice of movies according to him). I dont want to counter that anyways...

May be I have just turned into a saturated blogger...but the work pressures have been killing and all I can manage is write about the routine stuff that life has become.

The patience of the readers amazes me, when they actually land up here and bear with the stuff.You guys are absolutely kind souls...I must say...

But then, I am not one of those bloggers who THINK about a post(No offences meant, at all). Ah! I have no time for thinking about it...watever it is... so my posts are all right from my mind and my heart rather...random... and just abt that.

I wish I could just think good stories or bring up something interesting...(I really don't even think about that) he he he... But I can't...My posts come from what I experience...and that suggest what an UN-INTERESTING life I have... lol

So, I do realize I need a break or may be my mood is flying here and there ...thanks to that damn PMS. But yeah! I know I do write all that shit...sometimes its pure gold shit...and sometimes just another ordinary one... ;)

This is another one...people will bear with.(MAY BE) :)

Pic : http://lightprincess.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/rocks-your-so-boring.jpg

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Weekend : Movies and Magic

This weekend has been all about movies and lazying around with some work at home.I have been waiting for a long time to watch 2 movies I wanted to see but missed on. Both of them are HINDI movies : KIDNAP and EK VIVAH AISA BHI(EVAB).

I am the one for dark-romances and simple love stories both :) and these movies are exactly opposite to each other in that sense. EVAB is a story of a man and a woman who are deeply in love and about to get married. The gal's father dies on her engagement day and she decides not to get married(as then she would have to move to her husband's house and stay with his family) until she fulfils her responsibilites towards her house by raising her kid brother and sister. She voices her decision to her fiancee and asks him to get married as she could not commit on the time she would take to come back to him. Inspite of leaving her alone with that, he asks her for her permission to wait for her until she fulfils all her comittments to her family.

She works really hard to educate them and take care of them. Also, she makes sure that her fiancee concentrates on his singing career more than on her and she requests him to not meet her but concentrate more on his work. She sacrifices her own musical career to take care of her family. After almost a span of 12 years, both of them come together and get married.

The journey of both these people has been picturised and directed so nicely that one can easily relate to the simplicity and love that the movie talks about. I loved it.

Although, I doubt if in today's world someone wud wait for their love for so long... naah! I can't imagine it.

While commenting many of us, may post stuff like : It would be foolish for someone to do that...but then, I feel this is the most a person can do for love. I loved everything abt the movie and I am glad I saved it for a Sunday evening.

I saw Kidnap a day before. Kidnap was more of a thriller and yet, the negative lead rocked in the movie. The guy playing the role of the kidnapper earns all your sympathy for his purpose and cause. He is raw,rustic and innocent all-in-one and known by the name KABIR. Kabir kidnaps India's richest man's daughter coz the man(Raina) made him serve a sentence in jail for 7 yrs for stealing a car when our Kabir was a kid. Kabir did that to save his frenz life and he holds Raina responsible for all that suffering he had and he avenges himself by making Raina do everything he went through in a game of a kind. It was fun-watch for me.

I loved EVAB more for its subtle and simple reflection of love. EVAB is completely INDIAN in its approach.

I went for a long walk after the movie and I could not help but ask myself if I would ever be able to do it... I donno... am such a crazy person that if I love someone, I do go to lengths for that... May be, I would do something like this too...

All in all, I loved my weekend after a long-long time... There was No drama and No action. I am all safe...did not slip and no dogs chased me ;)

Hope you all had a nice weekend too.

EVAB Plot :http://www.apunkachoice.com/scoop/bollywood/ek-vivaah-aisa-bhi---movie-preview-and-stills.html

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FASHION-able Lives

A lot has been written about the movie FASHION... but I saw it today and I realized how similar my life is to the movie...infact every life is... I would say we all have a FASHION-able life somewhere. Naah! Naah!...Main Super model kya? Model woman bhi nahi!! ;) (leave being a supermodel, am not even a model woman) The similarity is that like every average person, I have seen the downs(I must mention the deep shit one can ever see) in my life and there were times when I knew I just could not do it anymore. After an emotional and physical setback, when I tried standing up again to face the world. I did fall down many a times but then, there have been people who have been there for me to tell me... "Gal! We are not going to pick you up, Get up and Go get them" :) My best friends Archi and Ashish along with Inder stood by me thru these times. I could see then in Janet,Rohit,Rahul and Shonali :)This is so true, no matter what...if you have good frenz by your side, you can win the world. I stumbled too...failed interviews coz I lost my self-cofidence...failed in meetings...and then came the time when everything changed...I do fall many a times even now but then...I get up... jhaaodfy myself, look up...and tell myself "Ho gaya bas!! Ab chaley kaam pey" :"Is that enuff!!..lets get back to work" :) I love watching such movies where people bounce back from the dead...Gives me a high! There were times when people looked at me and said,"Boy! She is finished, you think she'll survive this?"... ha ha haDamn! I don't blame these people, coz even I asked myself, "Will I survive this?" and for days I could not hear any reply but I hung up there holding on to faith... Therez nothing that can beat FAITH, I tell you. Seriously, Itz an amazing life...when you are caught in the down times, you think you'll never come out and when you are out and shining...you look back and say,"Ah! That was ME". Such experiences move you closer to life...and they add to the spice, adventure and fun that life is all about. Call me a die-hard optimist or anything...but I do believe that no matter what hits you... YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS IT IN YOU TO BOUNCE BACK AND SHINE AGAIN :)

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Jhappiyaan da season- Season of HUGS

With the winter season in the offing, Jhappi(Hug) is IN ;)

We the Punjabis, believe in Jhappiyaan (Hugs) and what better time than winters...and a warm hug lives upto its name...here ;)

Somebody sent me an sms few days back :

Hugs are fat free, sugar free and still are the sweetest.Hugs reduce blood pressure and help relieve depression and stress.

That's so true.

It is in our culture and a part of our tradition also that whenever we meet each other, we hug each other. This is one of the ways we tell each other ,"Hey! I missed you so much and I am there for you always".

Thinking about the wonders a hug can do... I remember when I used to be super-stressed before by board-exams, a warm hug from my grandmom would tell me,"Don't worry,its gonna be alrite".

I spent 20 yrs of my life with my grand-mom and I am really close to her. She left for abode some 5 years back and now I sleep alone. Otherwise, I used to hug her tight and sleep with her every night eversince I remember. :) She was my best friend...and a hug from her would shoo away all my pain and stress. Old people add so much value to our lives. Ah! I miss her so much.

Even now, no matter how much we fight everyday, whenever me and my brothers meet, we hug each other and greet each other. :)

I feel so special about this particular culture in our family. It indeed gives you strength and warmth to carry on in the worst of times. I hug my close frenz when we meet coz I think it makes you feel loved and special.

Hugs really make a huge difference to our lives. Atleast I believe so.

So here goes a Jhappi(Hug) from my side too... ;)

PICS : http://www.ursine.com.au/Images/2BearsHug.gif

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Story of Broken Bones and A Housewife Who Is Not.

Thanks to our maid, I am a full-time maid now. The last time I worked like one was, when I stayed alone for 6 yrs. I am so used to this work now that the first thing that comes to my mind when I get up is,"Hmm... I think I will wash the utensils first and then go ahead with the cleaning." I am using my lunch breaks to finish up the work at home and it is so funny. :)

Saturday, gave me the taste of being a full-time Indian Housewife. Mom and Dad along with my bhai-log left for their 4 days long visit to a relative's wedding and due to my work commitments, I stayed back along with Chaa and my two pets.

When these guys finally started with their journey, they left behind a huge junk of stuff to be taken care of. I spent most of the morning fixing things for them, getting Mom's favourite jewellery and fragrance for her, ON and OFF fighting with my brother over his choice of clothes and other chai-paani stuff.

Once they left, I chalked out a plan to start brooming and cleaning the house. It is a superstition in India that we should not broom the house as soon as someone leaves it...it is a bad omen to do that. So I waited patiently for 2 hrs to pass before I could start the work. Meanwhile, Honey called me from his city and asked me to download his syllabus and type the schedule for the exam from the internet. I spent 2 hrs helping him with all this stuff and then proceeded with the house-work. By the time I finished it up, it was 5 pm and daah! Rustam ran over the swept floor...I had to re-do it.Chaa came at around 7 and before I could wash the utensils, he asked me if he could do that. He is a gem. :) He did the utensils and I cleaned the kitchen.

I went for a hot shower later...There is nothing like a HOT SHOWER in the world...Trust me!! No matter how stressed or tired you are... It is the best therapy.

After a shower and head-wash I cooked us dinner and fed the pets too. It was 9:30 when I finally came back to my room. I tried sleeping but could only manage by 12:30 am. I had already decided that Sunday, I would sleep late and exercise later but...but... At 6 am, the sound of the doorbell woke me up... :( I saw Chaa went out to walk the pets and he locked the door from inside. We have two entrances to the house and one was locked so I had to open the other door which in itself is a big task...coz there are multiple locks there...Ah! the guy who comes to wash our cars turned up so early, even on a Sunday :( I unlocked the other door from outside too...handed over the keys to him and heated some water for myself.

I waited for Chaa to be back and gulped down hot water...As soon as Chaa came, I went to answer the other door and Shit!! I slipped zooooooooop...zaaaaaap... badly... and my ankles hit the door.... :)

Damn! Rustam peed inside the house...yucks! I was all drenched in it and my knee is badly hurt.... :( Washed myself...applied antiseptic... and now am lying on the bed...typing this story... :) Need to cater to the household chores and breakfast...ah! but it is too cold here and it hurts more in the cold....

Day before Mom slipped in the house and now ME!! Seems, we are having a Slippers' Party in the house...lolzz...

My exercise is on hold for now... I may do it in the evening... for now...itz Go Slow time :)

Pics : www.getagripofrochester.com/

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Surprise Busted!!

I donno how many times it has happened to people but with me itz something that is bound to happen.

Whenever I plan to surprise people, it goes down in the dumps somehow and I end up laughing at myself and the situation. :)

This year, I planned a surprise on Mom's birthday and to avoid a mess I bought her gifts from 2 different online gifts services. Guess wat? The flowers and cake was delivered two days before her birthday at our place (Thankfully, she was not home by that time) and I had to literally shoo the delivery guys away before she turned up. :)

Her gifts were bought through another reliable gifts service and well..well... the flights got cancelled due to a strike here and they came in two days after her bday. The surprise got screwed up big time.

Day before, was my best friend's bday and I thought of surprising him with flowers. So I sent flowers to his office address like I did last year... Surprise..Surprise... He was not in town for 2 days starting his bday and even now I donno if he got them ON his bday or after that coz I thought I would suprise him and I kept waiting for his 'Thanks Buddy" call which never came.

Finally, today I gave up and thought of taking the florist to task, so I mailed my friend asking him about the flowers and he said, "yeah! I got them"...lol.. And I kept waiting for his call... My surprises are so bad that even they end up being taken for granted...lol

If this was not enough, I thought of surprising another friend of mine and sent her flowers without my name on it. She thought it was her hubby and though they were at loggerheads, they kissed and made up after that... But..the stupid me... I called her few days later and asked her, "hey! did you get my roses?"... She was like, "It was YOU!!"... ha ha ha...

I am such a failure with surprises...Things just don't seem to fall in place when I want to surprise someone...but I never stop doing that... :) I always crave for that smile on someonez face that a surprise brings...I love it...and ofcourse, am optimistic that someday my surprises will work too ;)

PICS : (http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p262/nephilimguide/smileys/big_smiley.jpg)(http://cajunroastbeef.blogspot.com/2008/09/normal-surprise.html)

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All that a day is made of

If the weekend was not enough, Monday brought itz share of workload.

Sunday,our maid did not turn up again so we distributed the work amongst ourselves... Mom,Dad and Ankit did the washing of clothes part while I did the cleaning of the house and kitchen.

After all this work I was too tired for anything but had to cook lunch for myself and Honey so we decide on Chinese food and I cooked some Punjabi-style Chinese stuff. :)

I could not manage to even lie down as I was chatting up with a new-found friend and it was fun until I realised my neck had almost given away and I felt every muscle in my body sore. Ah! whole day went by in the domestic work.

Monday, I woke up at 5 am, went for my walk and it was still dark. In winters, sun turns up only after 6:45 or so here. I felt a bit scared too coz even the dogs in the block were sleeping. :) Surprisingly it was my Day 1 again after the viral bout and I did 3 rounds of the ground. I was happy with myself,although during the last round of brisk-walk, I felt a little not on my feet but then I took some deep breaths and it was okay enuff to make it to my home from there.

I was greeted by Happy and Rustam at the house-gate and sooner I went to the exercise room and did the usual routine stuff followed by Pranayama. Mom asked me to pray in the morning too so I quickly drank some 4-5 glass of hot water and after 20 mins or so took my bath, did all the prayers I had to do and by the time I had my tea it was 8:30 am. Time for work!! But...But.. My maid did not turn up yesterday too...Ah! I could not afford to do all the work yesterday as I had to report for work too. So I thought I'd rather cater to it in lunch-hour. I could not.

It was a 1-1 with my manager yesterday and I was sure he would tell me : "Our team is struggling with work, I think we'll have to do away with few people and I found out that in a team where people have 7-12 yrs of experience, you are the only one with an experience of just 3.5 yrs." I was prepared for this but he told me how now he wants me to take the lead and ramp up so I match up the guy with 12 yrs of work-ex.. I was like, "Are you kidding me?" ha ha ha..."How can it be possible?"

Somehow I managed to sail through it all. He told me,"I want you to train ppl, handle a project and take-up some Sales wins altogether at a time". "Ah! someone please tell him, I am not a machine and in that case, even my laptop shuts down on its own if I force it to over-work" ;)

He made me the 'lead' for another Sales-Win Demo...I hardly have any idea on and later till 8 pm I was running between meetings. :( Had my dinner at my desk and later logged in to chat with some US guys and caught up with my bloggie-frenz , had a fun-chat and almost slept on my laptop when I told them that I was sleepy.

Slept by 12:00 coz Happy Singh did not give in and wanted to sleep in my bed. :( Got up at 5 and went for my walk...By the time, I realised what I was doing in the middle of the road...two dogs from a house near the ground caught my legs...a Huge Labrador and a Spitz...They shook me out of my sleep.... :) I escaped their clutches ... completed 3 rounds of the ground and almost fell during the last one . Came home, exercised and after half-an-hour, fell asleep while reading the newspaper and dreamt abt all possible weird things...Accidents,Epilepsy Attacks,Crying People...Uhuh!

Woke up in an hour with lingering thoughts of the dreams...had my tea,maid will not turn up today too(she is on an indefinite leave) and am back to work!! Now, an alram pops up warning me of all the meetings lying ahead...Ah! There must be a life beyond all this. :)

Did I tell you? I love my life :)

Pics : http://www.ineedmotivation.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/tired.jpg

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Worthy of Love

Am I worth it? How many times do we ask ourselves the same question? Atleast I do. I read somewhere that we women tend to always question the love,luck and opportunities coming our way but later I met men who feel the same too. "It is a human thing", as my friend Anurag puts it. We ended up discussing about it. He was asking me why I never let anyone break that fence around me and give a chance to my life too. I was speechless, I didn't know what to say. He is right. Itz with all of us to an extent. We doubt, We question and We suspect the happiness and love coming to us. Everyone has his/her own reasons. Some of us are committment-phobic and don't want to give ourselves a chance to explore THAT side of love, the side that spells 'serious' and long-term. Some of us are simply affected by our pasts and we tend to feel, "coz someone in my past hurt me, I would never let anyone break those boundary walls and enter my comfort zone"... we are scared to fail at relationships and to get hurt again. Some of us have no reason but are scared to cause hurt to people in a relationship coz we believe that we are not made for relationships. Some of us have an inferiority complex of a sort coz of the way we have been looked at by people around us for reasons like our financial status,physical appearance etc. No matter what the reason is, we refuse to believe, "Yeah! I am worthy of the love thats coming my way". I wonder, just for once if I could tell myself, "Gal, you are worthy of whats coming your way", things would have been different. I am not scared of any past in my life...coz I have none... except for some failed friendships... . Its just that at times I feel morally obligated to the people who love me and I don't intend to hurt them even if I dont reciprocate their feelings deep inside. I find my crazy ways to escape proposals and love coming my way. Finally one day, I realized the more I run away from love, the more it keeps coming to me. I made up imaginary boyfrenz so I could politely let the interested party know that "Boy, am engaged". At times, I simply ran away from people and situations like these. I at times believe, I cannot handle the responsibilties and expectations love brings along with it. I am a sucker for romance, no doubt. But when it comes to ME, I simply push the love away from me... Questions like, "If nothing materialises"..."What if one day I realise I never actually loved this guy?".... "What if I get into a serious mode and he breaks up?"...."What if we end up together at the end of all this, Will I be able to commit?"... "What if I do not actually fall in love with this guy?" come to my mind. I am a happy person with lots of relationships in my life...of family and friends...but I donno... Somewhere I feel, the day I would say ,"Yes". It would be someone special...May be thats the reason I am still hounded by questions...May be things will change altogether when IT IS LOVE. There are people who know THIS side of me and they cope up with me on this but then... I am not the only one... I have met so many guys and gals who go thru the same, just like me. When people ask me,"Ah! So you are single?"...I really don't mind that but what Anurag told me...made me think about it... Our discussion really made me discover that unintentionally I was not giving a chance to my life...to love and to a whole new experience. All I have on my mind always is my family...and frankly I never thought beyond them...and I donno if even now, I will be able to think beyond them but yes, may be I will give my life...and myself a chance. :) Phoenix, my blogger-pal also voiced something similar abt me ...and yeah! I agree that I have been so engrossed in my own world that I never realised that when love actually knocked badly at my doors,I simply closed the door right on its face... :) May be that was not the right time...and may be... watever! I know one thing from now onwards...am worth it for sure... I don't need to fight it anymore... I am worthy of love too... despite the way I look, the way I am and the way I will be in a relationship :) I feel lighter and again, more happier today...coz I have grown a step further now.

To everyone reading me who at some point do think this way: Let us always believe that we are worthy of happiness and love every day..every way. :) Lifez gonna be beautiful.

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Saturday : Lazy Lamhe

Saturdays are so wonderful. Lazy..Slow...and full of fun. :) Mine started on a beautiful note woth phone calls flowing in.I used to be a phone-person some 3 years back but now I prefer to talk less over the phone. I am not the ones who wud chat up for hours and hours with frenz everyday. Now, it is usually an ocassional call that extends to half-an-hour. In the morning, my college friend called me and it was so great talking to him. We are somewhat what they call it, spiritually close...no matter if we talk after months, we love each other immensely. He is one of those people who makes me smile on a bad day with his witty one-liners and one of those very few people who dont talk marriage and weight with me. So, it was indeed a pleasure to hear from him. He is all abt positive aura. I love such people. Later in the morning I got a call from my cousin and it was great to know that he is happily married. :) Another reason to share a smile here. Then, followed another call from the neighbourhood about our maid. She decided to stay home today so all the work had to be taken care of by me. What a Saturday! I started by washing utensils and cleaning up the kitchen. Took almost 3 hrs. Ankit took care of the rest of the cleaning in the house. He brought me DHOKLA, I love it and both of us munched on it after a long work-hour :) It was worth it. And here I am lazily watching my favourite TV series videos and posting this. Hope Sunday brings in some energetic stuff. Else, I don't mind laid-back and lazy days when I can just indulge in some good books,music and episodics.

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