Honesty is NOT the best policy...

You know, today I was just sitting and watching the kids play outside and I realized that the reason life is easier as a kid is coz you are born without any filters. You speak your mind and nobody really judges you. But then all these older people come in and they start teaching you --"Beta, don't say this...don't say that" I know! I know! all they want is for us to know is that sometimes we should not say a couple of things to avoid hurting other people, but then isn't that being dishonest.


I mean I myself walk on a very thin line when it comes to such stuff. I am a really sensitive person so I do understand that I have to think a 100 times to say something unpleasant to someone, so I would try to make it seem like a concern or a compliment or probably sugar-coat it a bit. But with people I really really care about, I just walk up to them and I am really blunt..It's like "Hello!! why are you wearing that brown lipstick,Ewwwwwww?" or "Hey! I think that guy is using you for money"..

Trust me, I never gained anything out of being honest and blunt & neither did I by being polite and sensitive. It's like people are stupid. They want you to be honest, but at their convenience. They want you to be sensitive but then they want you to speak the truth coz you know, "You are my friend" or "you are my family".

I am one of those stupid people myself. I just can't find a balance between honesty and being sensitive. And I know my husband is always at the receiving end coz of that. You can't choose one, it's a lot to do with timing I think.

All in all, in today's world, people do not appreciate honesty much. It's like "You know HKM, man!! she is crazy weird man!! she is just too honest man! not for this world..not for this world".. hahahahahaha..

But then, I like being weird..that's just me. I am this whole package and I am not for everyone. If you have me for a friend or for family, trust me to hold you back when I know you are jumping in a well or to slap you hard out of a stupid decision. Oops!! just metaphorically...

Like right now I wanna be really honest towards whoever is reading this. Guys!! you remember people who bullied you in school and college..or probably did not even know that you existed..?? Do you? and now how they want to be your bestest friends on every social media network. I am like what the hell, I know how evil you are..and have been and that's never gonna change... so why bother?

Also, people with no sense of humor, please steer clear of my blog..friends with me or not friends with me.

I am too old to bother with the justification shit..read it at your own risk...and if you get offended, please don't bother me with it...

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Learnings from my marriage - v1.0.

Can't believe I have been married for 1.5 yrs already or that I have known my Patidev (yep! that's what I call him at times *wink*) for past 4.5 years. Really, time just flies by.

I said in my earlier marriage-post that I will come back and update. Well! there is way too much to say and share.

First of all, I think marriage made me grow up a little bit and sober down somehow. Being the typical front-bencher that I have been, I will mention what all I have learnt in the past 1. 5 years in bullet points :P *ting*

• I have learnt to be a lot more patient. Now, I wait for people to finish what they are saying before I react. Earlier, on the basis of their first few sentences I would mentally sum-up my reaction and blurt it out..not anymore.
• I have learnt to "listen". Yes, this is an art and it ofcourse is important for every relationship.
• I have learnt to love despite difference of opinion.
• I have accepted that people won't change their core characteristics ever, so it is always better to make peace with it and be happy
• I have embraced love that comes my way every day in different forms, sometimes as a song he hums while I cook for him in the kitchen, sometimes as a wink from him when we are in separate groups at a party, sometimes as a angry stare at me when I gobble up blackberry jelly in one go :P
• I have learnt to value my mother 100 times more that I ever did. What would I have done without her? OMG!! she is my guardian angel and go-to-person for all the "how-tos" Always lending a patient ear to my ramblings about stuff.
• I have learnt to buy sabzi-bhaaji.. and grocery. I can now easily bargain over Dhania-mirchi with my local sabziwaala.
• I have learnt to share special dishes I cook, with my super-cook padosan cum friend.
• I have learnt how to install a LPG cylinder on my own, how to fix broken taps, how to extract 5 milk products out of 2 litres of milk..hehehe
• I have learnt how the stereotypes of men and women were lame and all in my head, when he offered to do the dishes and share house-work with me.
•  I learnt you should be honest in marriage but sometimes it is better to stay mum than to voice your exact feelings at THAT moment. 
• I learnt that sometimes it is so fulfilling to do things to make someone else happy.
• I learnt that traditions and rituals are so much fun.
• I learnt that people will always return warmth with love.
• I learnt that if you treat them as your parents, they will love you as their daughter.
• I learnt that mother-in-laws are not devils as they are projected to be, they are sensitive, caring and loving just like every other woman you know..and just that they love their sons way too much and their lives surround around their kids, so you should not expect them to LET GO when you come into picture. They will always have wisdom to share and the secret to the happiness of the whole family. and How can you forget the funny stories about the husband's childhood..?
• I learnt that there will be differences, there will be arguments, but it is not always necessary to stand your ground and fight for it. At times, a delayed reaction helps.
• I learnt that no matter how much he teases you in person, he will always give a proud smile when he is out with you.
• I learnt it is as challenging and new to me, as it is to him.
• I learnt that me and him, we are a team.
• I also learnt ki itti baat karne se nazar lag jaati hain (Courtesy: Mumma and Mom :P )

So I will stop now. All in all, life is like a sinusoidal wave now. Up! Down! Up! Down! Up! Bah!! Hope you guys are having fun. More to come soon.

Mast raho, Dilchasp raho! 

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About scars, professionalism and blah blah...

The bandage came off today and let me tell you, there are some very gross marks on the hand, that are going to stay for some time, the wound is still there but it is no longer an open wound. I hope though, there are no scars left behind.

During this whole month, I came across different reactions to my accident. Some were heart-warming and some were completely shocking. I concluded people are not at all sensitive to someone's suffering, and not to the 'marks' when it comes to a woman.

Anyways.

I have started traveling for work again and it is difficult you know, to carry luggage with just one hand or even to manage "NOT TO" hurt myself in the public places. Simple tasks such as picking up the dinner plate all by myself are a pain with only my left hand at work.

This whole accident also made me see how people are not sensitive even on professional front. If you won't do it, someone else will - that is the mantra everyone follows.

It is sad that in the race of earning more revenues and all, we end up being insensitive to the people who are responsible for the growth of our business.

No calls from work at all, to ask if I am alive or not.

Worst of all is, people from work who pretended to be considerate otherwise, turned their backs. That is ridiculous, coz it is professional courtesy to call up people you work with.Isn't it? I am highly disappointed with it and let me tell you such an attitude has only one repercussion, the people who passionately worked for the business, take a step back and just do what is required and stop going that extra mile.

I think when someone says there are "Professional", they should really understand what that means, being ruthless or cold is not professional.

I donno how do we categorize such people.. but the whole point is, if a business does not respect the people that helps it in its growth, it cannot survive for long.

That is just my opinion though. I believe in that. 

Baaki Chennai is too much of "Ghich Ghich Chip Chip"...but I live next to a beach and trust me, after all the shit I have been through in past one month, this one is a nice break where I have just me for company, I talk to the sea, the birds and sometimes to the beautiful starry sky..

Thank you, God. I needed this, may be. Although, I still miss my friends and wonder if they miss me too :)

Mast raho, Dilchasp raho!!

 

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They told me so...

It is said that people we meet all through our lives, make us the people we become. Today, I plan to blog about a couple of things that were shared with me, by the people I value... at different junctures of my life.

- "Logon ka achcha kiya yaad rakhkho, bura bhool jaao, jeevan sulajh jaayega" - "Always remember the 'good' someone has done to you and forget the 'bad', this would make your life simpler --- Dad

- "Ek chup, sau sukh" - You don't need to respond to every argument or statement. Silence brings along serenity & happiness -- Mom

- "Ati ka bhalaa na bolna, Ati ki bhali naa chup" - "It is not wise to talk too much, or even to stay silent for long. One should balance it well" -- My grandma

- "God always provide you with the much-needed jolt, if he sees you stuck in the dumps for long. You have to make a choice, either STAY in dumps and wait for the jolt, or Take a step forward and get out it" -- My ex-room-mate and friend.

- "Everything in life can be categorized under "Assets" and "Liabilities" -- A friend and guide.

- "There should be only one priority in your life. You" -- My best friend.

- "Never take undue advantage of people. That's just inhuman" -- Dad

- "Love, because it is important to know to 'give without expecting much in return' in life" -- Mom

- "The best way to end an argument is to ask yourself if the relationship is important for you or winning the argument" -- Mom

- "There is one person you can always believe in, You" -- Mom

- "Everybody leaves" -- A man I loved.

- "If it does not make you happy, it is not worth it" -- Friend.

- "Love madly, deeply and unconditionally. That makes you human. No matter how much it hurts" -- A man who loved me.

- "If they don't love you, let go" -- A friend who loved me.

- "A man who would not acknowledge his love for you, is not worth your time" -- A gal friend.

- "Marriage does not need too much work, if you have Love by your side" -- Mom

Will keep sharing some more of these.. tab tak, 

Mast Raho, Dilchasp Raho!!

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Of men who are jerks, and women who cannot work!!

This post is dedicated to a prospective groom.You guys can stop frowning now. Yep! I had to budge in to parental pressure and meet someone ;) I am somehow feeling dejected that I could not share my blog-link with him, but considering the viability of internet, I am sure sooner or later, he will find his way to my blog.

Dear Maa-da-laadla,

First of all thanks for reaching late at the venue for our supposed 'meeting'. I was secretly smiling to myself when you entered in a grand manner, that too 45 minutes late, like a conventional Delhi ka Punjabi mard."Hum ladke waale hain, toh hum kyon time se aaye?" and not to mention, I am in love with your audacity to not even apologize to my parents for keeping them waiting. Dude, they are old and traveled 70 kms while you live 5 mins away from that damn place YOU chose. That's okay.

By the way, is that how you dress up to meet a woman you are supposed to marry? :O Even that's okay. With due respect, your elder brother is quiet a lecher. Your sis-in-law should keep him in check. Irrelevant. Nice to know that his wife is a doctor and you guys stopped her from practicing coz she is a woman. I have utmost respect for men like you. They should build a temple for you Gods.

By the way, it is absolutely fine that you don't even have enough money to order coffee for yourself and your family.Oh! don't bother, my dad paid for it. Yay!!

I have never met someone as interesting as you before.You are so cute and grammatically challenged that you don't know the basic difference between 'being traditional' or 'being conservative'. Sweet.

I understand you are traditional but frowning when I mentioned about my work-travel, was quiet a bad idea. I understand you have never left your 'maa da aanchal' to explore the world or for that matter your own country, but that does not give you the right to ask me to stop doing that. I really liked your views on women and their approach towards their careers. For example, this one :

He : "I am traditional. In my opinion a woman should not give much preference to their careers after marriage, if they do, who will take care of home?? If a woman tries to be equal to her man, that breaks homes. I think she should sacrifice her career for the same."

Me : Do you think women should work at all in the first place, being a Chartered Accountant yourself?

He : No. No. They should. After all sitting at home and watching saas-bahu soaps won't do them much good. So, for the sake of time-pass they can work.But they have to decide their priorities in life.

Me : *secretly empties the coffee on his head* Oh okay!

My dear, your stupid thought process that men should NEVER cook coz they don't need to, the woman should not travel much, coz she does not NEED to and a woman should never be in a relationship before marriage... just blew my mind.

What a saint!! I wanted to do a quick "paaye laagu" to you. 

I don't understand how can a person as well-educated as you, raised in a Metro city, holds such a shallow opinion. Accordingly to you, a romance should be "platonic" between two people else that becomes a problem in marriage. How cute!! ;)

I am amazed how you brother almost puked his coffee out when he got to know that my sis-in-laws travel, as and when, for work and holidays.

I feel sad for people like you and for the person who is going to be with you and your family. You faketards, you want trophy wives to show off -- "Humaari bahu doctor hain, MBA hain", but you won't let them LIVE or BE who they are. You people need someone to make babies for you and have sex with you for free, as per your wish.

No malice in my heart for you. But you really need to come out of that shell and look around. The world is changing. Respect your women and they will love you unconditionally.

Wish you luck with your search for THAT woman. For now, I am glad I don't have to see you again. Else my coffee, your sarr, Saar!! ;)

Mast raho, Dilchasp raho!

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Happiness

Moments as peaceful and wonderful as these...

Me, my dog, my music, my words and my space. I sit here just smiling to myself. Silently thanking God for the life I have. Thanking God that the people I left behind, managed to acknowledge and forgive me.. Thanking God for giving me the courage to forgive some of them and a lot more. There is so much to thank for.

Last night was bad. I felt dejected, tasted some tears, embraced some music and myself...and slept off. Are we all not the same?

I like myself this way, the way I am broken one day and the other day I wake up with hope, a hope that things can be fixed and something that can't be fixed, will be accepted by me.

Sometimes, it is easy to understand how this whole life mechanism works. We are all assigned some roles, the way it is at work. My expertise is to handle things that affect me and the ones that are under my 'Area of Influence'. I cannot handle anything beyond that. There is someone else who is assigned to do that, we call him God, we call him universe or we call him names when we are down in dumps.

Point is : As human beings our role is to always embrace, be it love, change or even the lows of life and when you embrace anything,  it becomes a part of you , it is yours, you own it and then it is not scary anymore.

I donno what philosophical shit I said there.. but that's how it is. That's my motivation.

For this moment, For this 'right now', I manage to smile.. and I am thankful. Are you?

Mast raho, Dilchasp raho!!

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Sunday Night Horror

I was the third person to reach the room and all I could see for a moment was blood..too much of it, and then I saw him, shivering and mumbling "Maa". It is difficult in THAT moment, to decide, to think or to even move. One of us yelled for Savlon, One of us got the car out and One of us picked him up and dragged him to the chair nearby. The dogs were all over him, licking him, trying to do all they could to ensure he is alright.

My brother had his umpteenth Epilepsy attack yesterday. After losing a lot of blood, 17 stitches on his forehead/right eye and 4 injections.. he is a little better. He has been an epileptic for past 17 years and this is his second hospital visit in a year.

I can never be HIM, ever. I hope his courage stays the same. To live with the fact that you are dependent on people and you may fall, hurt or collapse anywhere...and yet smile and take it all so casually. I don't know many people who can do THAT.

Pray for him to heal sooner, coz your prayers always work.

Donno why, but life has been a little weird off-late. First Dad and now bhai...Nothing breaks you more than watching your loved ones suffer. 

Sometimes, I don't want to be the strong one. I want to be the one who screams, when it pains...who cries hard, when it hurts...without being responsible for everything and everyone. 

Mast raho, Dilchasp Raho!!  

coz some people in my life, live this mantra everyday and inspire me.

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Pyaar ka PUNCH-naama!!

Everyone who asks "What is love?" and looks zara-bahut bhi human, should be hit with a flashlight on his/her head. I find this question utterly stupid. I want to just roll my eyes at them and ask "Dude, your mother threw in the dustbin or what? Why do you think you are here, in this world?".

It is funny how everyone is so busy defining love or finding the relevant definitions for love, that they have forgotten 'LOVE' itself :) Interesting set of people. I have come across a different set of people in the past few years. I thought why not categorize them to make it simpler for my coming generations :

1. The "Love is Bullshit" category : This is some new disease that has spread across the X and Y generations. This category includes some wannabe-cool,  some newly heartbroken and some always been ignored kinds. The one in this category secretly wants to be loved and cared for, can't express coz the one who believes in love is supposed to be uncool, thinks "being cold" is IN. Makes fun of couples, try to seek attention by trashing their friends who are in love. 

2. The "I am not capable of love" category : This is a "Play Safe" category of people. They WANT to be loved, taken care of and want someone to treat them like a king/queen, but they WILL never commit to their love or a relationship coz again, it is uncool to love,they want to have all the fun in the world without any guilt or sense of responsibility and always want to stay SINGLE :P

3. The "I will never love again" category : This is a "Pyaar ke maare" special category. They dare to love, dare to be vulnerable and someone breaks their hearts so bad that they decide to steer clear of love. This category generally comprises of people with Irreversibly damaged hearts. They go on hurting a couple people after their unsuccessful stint with love and eventually find someone to hold on to later.

4. The "I believe in love no matter what" category : This category comprises of either the ones with successful love-stories or the ones who sleep with a Mills & Boons under their pillows. Most of the times, they do not let anything shake their faith in love. They say love beyond owning someone and also beyond a gal-guy thing. 

5. The "I am in love and FB should know" category : This category comprises of the people who post "I love you, jaan" on their lovers' FB walls and post amazing pictures of their love, promoting the world famous "Chipko Movement".:P

As for me, I have been in most of these categories except the 5th one, at some or the other time in my life.

Aapki category kya hain bhayee? Please feel free to add new categories to this post.

Baaki.. Mast raho, Dilchasp raho!!

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and we will sail through bayhbie :)

Sometimes it is not only about you. It is also about the people who believed in you, who have been there for you when no one was. Sometimes you have to keep your emotions and vulnerability aside to keep the faith intact and to stay honest to the ones who have been honest to you.

One of those times for me.

Dad not well. Bro struggling with his Epilepsy. Yesterday, was a bad day. I am sure things will look-up soon.

But I am done forgiving people, I am done giving chances...I am done trying to prove myself time and again. Not anymore.

This time when love or friendship comes calling, it has to be about 'ME' and not about anyone else.

I am not going to look back and commit the same mistakes again, coz after a while there is no turning back. I have come too far to look back now... I want to look ahead, I am looking ahead :)

People who never understood me, will never understand and I am not looking for any approvals anymore. I think I will just keep walking and stop letting anyone decide for me.

Need your prayers to achieve my dreams and to make sure that people I love are happy and healthy.

So, today keep me in your prayers...do me this favor :) Happy Monday to you guys!!

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Baby! Kyunki yeh Zindagi na milegi dobara.

I met someone yesterday. Yep! for marriage... It was all so unplanned and frankly, I was really pissed about mom arranging a meeting with someone without asking me. I somehow have lost faith in arranged marriages and people.

If I could I would have gone there with my ruffled hair look, but AD said,"Outperform". AD! if you are reading this, you are funny...really!! Outperform?? What did you think? I was going to dance atop a table in the restaurant to get married? You are weird!

Anyways, we started off with the usual "It is so awkward for me"... I almost wanted to run away from there, but then I could hear mom in my head -- "There is no harm in talking to someone". So, I gave in.

 I am thankful to this man I met for a question he asked me - "What are your plans?". I mumbled, stuttered and said, "Sorry I did not rehearse any answer for this. I have none. There is so much I want to do and I will do it all, that's all I know. Things I love to do, Things that make me happy".

OMG! I surprised myself with my response. Like really! 

I have NO plans. None at all. Wow! I am there.. I am at that place where I always wanted to be... a place where I will live only in today and not in the tomorrow. I never saw myself changing... but the change happened subconsciously and I never realized it.. Whoa!

:) I am happy... that's about it..

and as far as getting married is concerned... JMD! I am right now in the "I hate all men" state of mind :D

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I stumble today, yet again.

I told myself that I will only come back to blogging if I have happy things to write about, but then it is all about perspectives.

In some phases of your life, you are all alone. Everything around you moves with the speed of light and you are still stuck at some place, trying to take that final step but still hesitating because you are too scared of repercussions. Sometimes you end up hurting yourself because you don't want to hurt someone else and one day you realize it was all a mistake.

People around me look at me with too many questions in their eyes. I want to answer none of them, coz I have too many of my own lying unanswered in a corner. I am glad that some of you 'really' know what you want from life. I don't. Every-time I sit down with a pen and paper, write things down and I realize that I have no clue what do I exactly want. One thing although stays common in all these Pen-Paper sessions: Love and Peace of Mind.

I think it is my fault to an extent. I have grown up with my books by my side and my first ever love story was 'The Fountainhead'. I always thought Love begins with a certain amount of conflict, disliking and disagreement. Then I moved on to softer stories, the make-believe ones where they tell you that Love is forever, it never leaves your side and that you should love, not matter if it is reciprocated or not. In real world, I hid my emotions from everyone always. Most of you, who know me in personal life, thanks for being there.... but I know some of you wonder if you still know me. Well, it is nothing to be proud of when I say this... but you don't.

My thirst for 'Peace of mind' comes from the life I have lived. A life which has been an amalgamation of too many short stories. Everyone in my life who is close to me, knows only some of the stories. I always believed that one day I will love madly and be loved back with greater intensity and THAT man would be the one to know it all. Anyways, I guess I need to get out of my teenager's world of dreams. I still want to hold onto love and this beautiful world of mine though.

I have spent so many nights, curling up in bed, wondering and questioning God as to why am I the only one whose prayers are not answered. Why do I have to go through so much pain in life, in every phase? Then, I met some of you. I saw another side of pain and hurt. I know we cannot compare someone's pain with ours, but in some of you I found such brave hearts, who fought every odd and still rose.

I fought a lot of my own battles too, but I thought some day I will be paid off for my perseverance and spirit. I never was, or may be I was too blind to see. I know I still have a wonderful life, friends and dreams that are unattended. I am so lost, I sometimes feel like reaching out to my friends , hug them and cry my heart out. This will do no good, I know.. coz at the end of the day, I am all on my own and I have to find my way out.

I stand here alone as the world walks by, stares at me, sometimes feels sorry, sometimes just laughs at me. No! I am not your sorry-figure.May be today is a day when I stumbled again, when my faith in me is shaken again. But tomorrow, I will get up and walk again. Coz sometimes we have no choice but to NOT give up. I let all of you judge me here.

I know what my problem is though : I give a lot.. but I don't know where to stop. I take way too much shit from people I love... but I don't know when to stop.

I still request everyone reading this : If someone is kind to you, at least 'respect' or 'acknowledge'. People do not demand or expect anything more than that, if they are 'really' kind.

Everyday I tell myself that I will sail through this one too. Some day, my world will take a break from betrayals, disappointments and pain. Probably for a week, for a month, for a year... but I will cherish it. Interestingly we all have the capacity to hurt people and be icy cold to them, but it is a choice that we make. If you cannot be kind to someone, interact with pigs. They may understand, like really.

Also, some of us who take pride in the fact that they trash people who treat them nice. Here is a heartfelt smile for you :)

*Shrugs* If not today, one of these days... but I am gonna find my way out of despair and gain back all that I have lost and some more of it. But all of you who lost me, although am not too precious.. but am special...Sorry about your loss... ;)

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AD, Tumka birthday aaya :)

 Although I can go and on about my friendship with AD in this post, but for now I will just say that if you don't have him for a friend, you are still missing on a great deal of friendship.

AD is THE man. He is sensitive when he needs to be, stupid when he tries to make you smile, funny even if you sob at his jokes and an interesting geek. Ah! that sounds like bio of a random someone on the matrimonial site.

Anyways!!

Aaj AD ka happy budday hain :) :) So let us wish him a very happy happy birthday and loads of success and a little bit of true love so he stops laughing at me for my ideas of love.

 *sticks her tongue out at AD* Love you loads, AD. Have an awesome birthday aaj...Ummmwaaaaaaaaah!!

You can wish him on twitter : @hitwicked

Chalo yaaron, let's wish him... :P

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Love Letter to God

Dear God


I know I am known for changing my mind now and then. I know you have made me this way, that I am almost always confused about what I do and say. I always look for MY fault in everything that goes wrong. I will not ask you WHY did you choose me for being so clumsy, foolish and weird, all at the same time. I just want to tell you a couple of things though, things I have not said in a long-long time.


I guess me and you, we did not have a conversation for a long time. I have notice that when I am doing things that somewhere my heart knows are not right, ME and YOU, we both stop conversing. You stop giving me signs and I stop talking to you.


You are weird, just like me. I mean, come on! who throws you in a pool of happiness and then plans to burn you alive? YOU! :)


Every happiness that you send my way is so confused that either I take too much time to recognize that it indeed IS happiness or sometimes it is just to mixed up with some sidetracks of sadness that it goes completely un-noticed. Anyways, coming back to our relationship now... why do you play games with me? Am I your favourite pawn or may be I am one of the best players around. I sometimes suspect that YOU fear me. You fear that someday I will just survive almost every shit you throw in my direction and precisely this is the reason you keep breaking me up time after time.


No worries. I love you just the way you love me. I guess me and you, we love each other way too much and thus we end up in this hating match at times. But it's okay, it is important for a healthy relationship.


Today, I have so many things to say. But the foremost thing would be -- THANK YOU. I am thankful to you for so many things -
- My family
- My friends (whom I can count on my fingertips now)
- My pets
- This beautiful life, The right to breathe.
- For wonderful opportunities and the challenges
- For all the shit you made see since childhood,because this is what made me who I am
- For keeping my faith intact in goodness and being nice. (Although, it's a little shaken now)
- For keeping me sane, even after all that happened.
- For that certain element of madness you injected in me, that keeps me going. That makes me thrive harder.
- For almost all the good things and some of the bad things too.
- For all the people who made my life hell by BEING there and some of them by NOT being there. (Oh! I am not going to name them)


Today, I also have something else to say, I need you. I need you so bad that I had to write this up


- Please help me let go. Please. I am holding onto this one thing for a long time now.
- Please help me realize that I AM the one who is important in my life and no-one else can take that place. I am my #1.
- Please help me accept that I loved and it does not matter if the people I loved were right or wrong. What is important is that I LOVED.
- Please help me accept that I don't need to prove it to anyone how good I am, how worthy I am and how loyal I am.
- Please help me accept that the ones who love madly and honestly are the ones who are courageous of the lot.
- Please help me survive this too.
- Please bless me with strength, peace of mind and a will to walk with pride.
- Please stand next to me and whisper "Walk on. You can" when I feel like I will give up.
- Please keep my dreams and hopes alive.
- Please help those who love me, accept that it is okay to love.
- Please just be there for me, right now. I need you. Let us talk everyday. Let's give our relationship some time.
- Please help me embrace happiness and sadness, failure and victory with same amount of poise and humility.


I love you and I am not scared to admit that. Thanks for being there. I know you will help me sail through. I trust you.

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Bangalore Diaries : Sab achche ke liye hota hain

They say life is all about uncertainty..... Well yeah!! probably it is...

You may never know what is coming your way while you are busy planning on a million other things... Many people might have told you the same thing too many times in your life.

I experience it yet again this time.

A surprise-call on a Sunday night brought me to Bangalore from Mumbai. Trust me I did not even want to be here. I complained way too much to my boss asking him why he always chooses me to rescue projects as if I am the only one. He smiled over the call and said " You are THE TROUBLE MAGNET and you have to live with it".

I was like "Yeah right". I really did not want to leave Mumbai for even a minute this week. This was my last week in Mumbai, I wanted to live every moment to the utmost.

It's been 4 days ever since I landed in Bangalore. It has been weird and boring but something interesting happened today. The hotel I was staying it in Mumbai, caught fire. I mean, come on!! hadd ho gayi... I would have been in my room if I was in Mumbai... The very moment I saw that news, I told myself "Now you know why you are here. THIS is your reason" and all the wailing n frustration I had faded away.


Today is my last day in Bangalore and I was excited to get back to Mumbai... reached airport much before the flight time of 8:30 pm and all I saw there was a huge crowd and people shouting. Ah! my flight was declared delayed by 3 hours... which means... I looked at my watch and it was 6:15 pm... so I told myself in my head "which means I am here for another 5 hours, I am stranded". At that very moment, I wanted to  cry. I was in too much pain and could not even imagine sitting and waiting for my flight.

Well, I made frantic calls to my friend in Mumbai to help me get tickets. He tried but we could not make it. So finally I decided to board the flight at 11:30.. and yeah! there is a hidden meaning in everything happens.

THIS delay gave me time to shop for some books... and to read one too. I have been gifted this "Eat Pray Love" copy by a friend. I have been looking for it for a long time and when I finally got it, I did not have the time to read it.

Right now, as I read through the book, I realize that everything does happen for a reason. If not for this delay, I would not have started reading this wonderful book.  I am loving it so far. I guess I needed this time,m I needed this break, I needed this time to rediscover, learn and read and do what I love the most -- READ!!

More on the book, laters ;) mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

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Mumbai Diaries : Secrets that were never shared

The reason I have not been writing here is that I am not a dishonest writer and if I practice honesty, I will be opening my heart to a whole set of people who judge me and my life on the basis of what they read. Some of them are MY people and that's why it matters. I don't care, no more ;)

So I met a prospective groom in Mumbai... There is a back-story to it. Apparently, I NEVER wanted to see him and there was this huge hoo-haa about me declining to meet him at home, so I went ahead and met him. Also, a dear friend suggested that if I am contemplating marriage with him, I should shun the thought and meet the prospective groom.

Funny thing is, how when you are single, 27-ish and hanging out with a male friend...he gets all wary of you and has only one thing on his mind - "OMG, she must be so desperate to get married, What if she thinks that I will marry her?"... My response to this is - Thanks!! If I 'really' wanna marry you, I would mention it. Also, stop this thought process. Not every woman whoz in late twenties or thirties is a sad woman, waiting for some friend of hers to show mercy and get married to her.

WE have a life... WE have dreams and We do have our choices that we make. I felt deeply hurt when my friend mentioned this and told me oodles of stories about his cheating escapades to make sure that I don't ask him to marry me.I was shocked. I mean, come on... Wait up!! I am not desperate that I am gonna jump all over you and make you mine. Nopes!! You should have asked me how I feel before assuming. *sigh*

Sometimes, people end up saying things that they should not have said. Khair!! 

Guys, remember one thing... NEVER, I say NEVER assume such things about women....

Weird is, this was the day when I decided to share my deepest secrets with him. I take time to open up and I thought THAT day that we had this comfort level to share everything... but his hassled act closed all doors. I knew right there, I cannot say anything... I was silent all thru the evening while he talked...I smiled and he asked me why I was smiling...

When I am hurt, angry or in pain... I have this weird smile on my face... and only those who are close to me, know this...

Mumbai, you really 'do' boast of people who are not compassionate... I feel sad that I have been let down...

Oh! about THE prospective groom, we will talk in next post... loads of masala, I tell you ;)

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Mumbai Diaries : Past Relationships, Baggage and Trusting again.

Isn't it easy to blame someone for all the hurt that comes to you?? Do you ever look inside, do you even indulge in some level of soul-searching to find out what caused you pain??

I do that all the time... Not to analyze the reason for my pain or to find someone to blame it onto... but to understand why things went the way I never wanted them to.

For some people, it is easy to become a sorry figure, to sit in a corner and point fingers at the other person. But, do we even realize that there is always two in a relationship and when things go wrong, both suffer.

Being with someone who does not trust you is a huge battle to win. You have to prove yourself every moment, you have to make sure in front of them 24X7 that you are not going to turn your back to them and never come back. 

The important aspect of any relationship is TRUST and if you expect loyalty from someone, you gotta give them some of yours. You gotta trust to be trusted. 

Yes, things go wrong. Yes, people ditch. Yes, people are mean. But that does not mean that you will start suspecting every single person who comes your way. Don't judge someone on the basis of all the people you have met in the past. It becomes really difficult for the person to prove himself/herself at every juncture just to win your vote of trust.

If you love and respect yourself... you will see it all coming back to you in two-folds...  

Don't make it tough for the other person in a relationship by comparing them to everyone you have met in the past. let them breathe. let them create newer memories with you.

Learn. Grow. Explore. Take some. Give some and things will look up soon. Most importantly, TRUST!!!

No matter how many times your heart has been broken by random people....never stop trusting, loving and hoping.. They make you who you are.

Remember there is someone out there who is suffering as much as you are.. who is trying to make it work.If you can't do anything else to help them... at least DON'T make it tough for them...  

Sometimes you have someone really genuine ...  feeling for you... doing things for you.. taking care of you and you lose them just because you compare and you never let them inside your fence.

Think about it. Love ya.

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Mumbai Diaries - The Cab Ride

Some of you said that my last post was more like "New girl in the city" from Wake up Sid... So, I went ahead and read it again... Itz kinda similar.. :)

So it's been like a month in Mumbai... and life has been different. Sometimes I feel like just spreading my arms and grabbing it all in one go... Life is moving...it is moving really fast.

I am doing things I have not done in past 3 years. I partied till my legs cried in pain... I went out... got soaked in the rain...watched movies... travelled in a Kaali-peeli taxi :D

It was a beautiful ride in the cab... I rolled down the windows a bit and the rain just splashed across my face...it was as if I was being teased n caressed at the same time... the dimmed street lights added to the effect... I looked to my side... to a face that hardly smiles... usually frowns... a face that talks to me when silent... eyes that lost their sheen in the mundane battle of life...

I wish I could heal the soul next to me... I wish I could just bring back the smile... I wish I could wipe off all the tears that have never been cried...tears that have been kept hidden from the world...

I know you are scared inside...I know you are scared to reach out and say what you wanna say... Then I ask myself, aren't you like me? I am scared too...I wanna say it all... but I just can't say what I wanna say... I have stories I wish I could share..but I can't...

Are we all not scared of the truth? We have something hidden deep inside in some corner of our heart... something that we want no one to know of...??

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Falling in love with the wrong ones - ( Gal Talk)

Why do I always fall for the wrong guy?

I know many of us ask our friends about it, some seek advice from relationship experts...ahem!. Nobody knows why it keeps happening to them again n again n again.

Frankly, I won't pretend that I have found the reason behind it but I do realize that it is a pattern. Life is indeed nothing but a pattern.

Sometimes things keep happening to you in a repeated or a cyclic fashion because somewhere, there is something that you are doing and it is NOT right.

The over-cautious approach, be it towards life or relationships, make you lose onto the best that they have to offer. You might have heard people saying - Go with the flow. Well, ahem! it does work.

So, this time when love comes knocking at your door, forget about wat happened and go with the flow. When you are positive about things and give-in what a relationship needs, Trust me! No matter if it works out or it does not...At the end of it all, you will come out as a happier and better person.

And IF it fails, always remember that no matter if you have the person you loved, besides you or not... At least, Life gave you another chance to love madly and deeply and to be loved n cherished again.

Love is a wonderful feeling in itself and when love happens, nothing else should matter. The wrong ones become the right ones ;)

It is just how you see it. So, STOP being the damsel in distress and pretending that life is always mean to you. Go out, Give life a fair chance. Enjoy it and 'Live' it.

That's all about love ;)

Disclaimer : The author of this blog-post is a big hypocrite but loves to advice people without being even asked. Take it or leave it. She NEVER follows her own advice. Ting Ding Ting ;)

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Remember Me...

Work has brought me to US again... This time I am in Dallas, Texas. It is a beautiful place except for the heat... I mean I love greens, nature n all that... so it is kinda cool for me... but this post is not about Dallas. It is about a wonderful movie, I saw today.

'Remember Me', as I mentioned on my Twitter status is a beautiful movie...and You 'live' through this movie if you have ever experienced the pain, separation, love, longing, misunderstandings, effort to heal, a special touch in your life... I know, I can go on about this.

For me this movie is about finding yourself again. It is about how you touch lives. No matter if your life is short or long OR even if you think your life is not worth anything n it is completely insignificant... You are missing the important link somewhere, people! While you continue living with a wrong impression about your life, you are doing something right in the process ...because sometimes unknowingly, unintentionally and completely unaware of the value you are bringing, you touch lives in the routine process of living your own...You make a difference...but you never realize it.

"Our fingerprints do not fade from the lives we touch." - is a quote from the movie and in a way this quote sums up what's there in the movie itself.

So, like I keep blabbering all the time :

Nobody gives a shit about how insignificant your life is... and you should not either... Coz, while you are busy blaming your life and calling it worthless, you are somewhere adding something special to someone Else's life.

Don't stop doing that...Don't stop touching a life or two...

Point is : Even when you are being yourself, you are making a difference to some life :) Try it.

and yeah! Remember Me :) :) coz am here to stay....

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Dekho kaun aaya hain... ;)

All thanks to Sunny, who pulled me back from the world of 'Twitter' and asked me to write again... Ofcourse, he does not want me to write about him ;) He is like -- Are you done writing? haha... :D

Oh! my...I never say blog eh? Writing! *shrugs* That's just me.

I know we have been out of touch for so long but I will make sure, I am here more. This place helps me connect with ME more.

I wrapped up an insane yet important work assignment and asked for a 3 weeks long vacation in return from my boss.

So my boss surprised me with -- "Stop being emotional" . "Shut up" ,  "I love you" at different times...LOL 

We were in deep shit, if that makes sense...in this project... Khair.. Thank God it's over. So, in the process of saving my company's ass, I grew mine in circumference...Dah! gained some more.

I know that's really really bad... but hey! am not going to crib fir se.. I have to read so many blogs, by gawd...

So I better rush...and watch it guys, the posts will keep pouring in now... :D :D I need to get rid of laziness now... Enough is enough che!

Love u people...and let me read your blogs ab...bahut baat huyee :D :D A special hello to AD, Mads, Peter, Nidhi, Nanhi Pari, Richa, Ramit, Sakshi, Arpit, Arjun, Americanising Desi, Deepika, Kiran, Ria, Anwesa, Raka, Nikhil, Shaunak, Gauravs (I have too many Gauravs in my life :D :D) and all the silent readers... Jisko main bhool gayi woh please mujhey ghar aakar ek punch maar dey :P

Ab miltey rahengey...

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