Love Letter to God

Dear God


I know I am known for changing my mind now and then. I know you have made me this way, that I am almost always confused about what I do and say. I always look for MY fault in everything that goes wrong. I will not ask you WHY did you choose me for being so clumsy, foolish and weird, all at the same time. I just want to tell you a couple of things though, things I have not said in a long-long time.


I guess me and you, we did not have a conversation for a long time. I have notice that when I am doing things that somewhere my heart knows are not right, ME and YOU, we both stop conversing. You stop giving me signs and I stop talking to you.


You are weird, just like me. I mean, come on! who throws you in a pool of happiness and then plans to burn you alive? YOU! :)


Every happiness that you send my way is so confused that either I take too much time to recognize that it indeed IS happiness or sometimes it is just to mixed up with some sidetracks of sadness that it goes completely un-noticed. Anyways, coming back to our relationship now... why do you play games with me? Am I your favourite pawn or may be I am one of the best players around. I sometimes suspect that YOU fear me. You fear that someday I will just survive almost every shit you throw in my direction and precisely this is the reason you keep breaking me up time after time.


No worries. I love you just the way you love me. I guess me and you, we love each other way too much and thus we end up in this hating match at times. But it's okay, it is important for a healthy relationship.


Today, I have so many things to say. But the foremost thing would be -- THANK YOU. I am thankful to you for so many things -
- My family
- My friends (whom I can count on my fingertips now)
- My pets
- This beautiful life, The right to breathe.
- For wonderful opportunities and the challenges
- For all the shit you made see since childhood,because this is what made me who I am
- For keeping my faith intact in goodness and being nice. (Although, it's a little shaken now)
- For keeping me sane, even after all that happened.
- For that certain element of madness you injected in me, that keeps me going. That makes me thrive harder.
- For almost all the good things and some of the bad things too.
- For all the people who made my life hell by BEING there and some of them by NOT being there. (Oh! I am not going to name them)


Today, I also have something else to say, I need you. I need you so bad that I had to write this up


- Please help me let go. Please. I am holding onto this one thing for a long time now.
- Please help me realize that I AM the one who is important in my life and no-one else can take that place. I am my #1.
- Please help me accept that I loved and it does not matter if the people I loved were right or wrong. What is important is that I LOVED.
- Please help me accept that I don't need to prove it to anyone how good I am, how worthy I am and how loyal I am.
- Please help me accept that the ones who love madly and honestly are the ones who are courageous of the lot.
- Please help me survive this too.
- Please bless me with strength, peace of mind and a will to walk with pride.
- Please stand next to me and whisper "Walk on. You can" when I feel like I will give up.
- Please keep my dreams and hopes alive.
- Please help those who love me, accept that it is okay to love.
- Please just be there for me, right now. I need you. Let us talk everyday. Let's give our relationship some time.
- Please help me embrace happiness and sadness, failure and victory with same amount of poise and humility.


I love you and I am not scared to admit that. Thanks for being there. I know you will help me sail through. I trust you.