Comfortably Confused

This is one of those days when my mind just wants to turn numb and think abt nothing at all... So many thoughts are running in my mind that I just cant stop it. Like I always say, life is not that complicated but we complicate it all the time. Life is pretty simple actually. Like I shud have told him today itself that I cant marry him... so what I think is before I sleep today, I am going to call him and tell him that I dont love him and that's the reason, I am not going to marry him. If I have to marry for convenience and security, better I marry someone my folks choose. Until or unless am madly in love with you, I can't and will not fight the world for you and leave aside the world, I am not going to talk to my folks about you if I dont love you. No...Nopes...not at all. Okay! I am a self-confessed confused soul. When weird things happen, I lose my calm. I am like all hassled. So when mom says,"Beta, meet this guy, that guy for shaadi". I get all hassled, I talk nonsense, I blabber and I try and find ways to shoo the potential groom away. I work on a battle-plan as to how to make that guy hate me (okay! hate is a strong word), dislike me. A post later on it. And I patent it right here, right now. "HOW TO MAKE A POTENTIAL GROOM DISLIKE YOU". SO DONT YOU DARE COPY MY THOUGHTS, WARNA PATA HAIN NAA... ;) Anyways, yeh sab baad mein... So, as always I donno wat I want in my life. All I know is I dont want to get married. Mom thinks it is a disorder and I will be fine if I get married but I feel you dont need to get married to someone to feel complete. May be, you need that but then, I donno. I dont feel like that right now. I just cant imagine myself moving in with someone, not even a room-mate and MOM, you are talking abt the special species called HUSBAND. Naah! mom... Nopes. Next musibat on my list is my job. Boley toh, life mein jab tension aati hain... ek saath chapar chapar..baras baras aatin hain... I want to work on live projects and my manager asks me to deliver trainings. Not that I blame him but then, I told him abt tht... and our 1-1 turned a bit nasty, coz he told me "You are narrow-minded, I still wonder what did he mean by that? "Narrow-minded as in?? I am not against liberalisation of women and even men, I am perfect with the concept of live-ins...fir narrow minded?? "... *sad feeling*... Koi naa... and I told him how am unhappy and frustrated with what I am doing... and he said "anything else u need to talk abt?", which means "are you done eating up my head?".... :P I thought shud explore some opps in other teams and got some gud ones too... but all are long-term onsites... and since the Shaadi-flu is ON, I cant even take them up. Now, mgr wants to have another 1-1, probably coz he wants to throw me out of the team or may be coz he thinks I am rebelling and he wants to set the things straight once and for all. Ah! peculiar of women, they always get anxious... and it is my habit... I am anxious abt almost 80% things in my life... so if someone wants to talk to me, I assume its for worst...:D :D Bhaggu!! I need to take a chill-pill par yaar aap naa, kabhi koi break nahi detey sahi mein... Abhi, I am praying ki meri naukri naa jaaye... atleast abhi naa jaaye... aur mgr mujhey chattis baatey naa sunaaye... dekho kya hota hain... Gameplan is : - tomorrow gotta call up the guy and tell him... the same old thing.. I don't love you. (see i started with I will tell today and postponed it... confused) - tomorrow gotta prepare a plan to shoo the prospective dulha-log away. - have to keep thinking/guessing what my manager wud want to talk about - have a meeting for a new opportunity - attend a boring training...where in I doze off and I seriously dont understand what the GORA is talking abt - make some more plans abt my not-so-bright future - Get worked up... tense and anxious yet again... Did anyone say? PMS!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....Did you?? I feel a lil better now, after writing this up... Before you assume from the pic, I dont look like that, at all... :D :D