They told me so...

It is said that people we meet all through our lives, make us the people we become. Today, I plan to blog about a couple of things that were shared with me, by the people I value... at different junctures of my life.

- "Logon ka achcha kiya yaad rakhkho, bura bhool jaao, jeevan sulajh jaayega" - "Always remember the 'good' someone has done to you and forget the 'bad', this would make your life simpler --- Dad

- "Ek chup, sau sukh" - You don't need to respond to every argument or statement. Silence brings along serenity & happiness -- Mom

- "Ati ka bhalaa na bolna, Ati ki bhali naa chup" - "It is not wise to talk too much, or even to stay silent for long. One should balance it well" -- My grandma

- "God always provide you with the much-needed jolt, if he sees you stuck in the dumps for long. You have to make a choice, either STAY in dumps and wait for the jolt, or Take a step forward and get out it" -- My ex-room-mate and friend.

- "Everything in life can be categorized under "Assets" and "Liabilities" -- A friend and guide.

- "There should be only one priority in your life. You" -- My best friend.

- "Never take undue advantage of people. That's just inhuman" -- Dad

- "Love, because it is important to know to 'give without expecting much in return' in life" -- Mom

- "The best way to end an argument is to ask yourself if the relationship is important for you or winning the argument" -- Mom

- "There is one person you can always believe in, You" -- Mom

- "Everybody leaves" -- A man I loved.

- "If it does not make you happy, it is not worth it" -- Friend.

- "Love madly, deeply and unconditionally. That makes you human. No matter how much it hurts" -- A man who loved me.

- "If they don't love you, let go" -- A friend who loved me.

- "A man who would not acknowledge his love for you, is not worth your time" -- A gal friend.

- "Marriage does not need too much work, if you have Love by your side" -- Mom

Will keep sharing some more of these.. tab tak, 

Mast Raho, Dilchasp Raho!!

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Happiness

Moments as peaceful and wonderful as these...

Me, my dog, my music, my words and my space. I sit here just smiling to myself. Silently thanking God for the life I have. Thanking God that the people I left behind, managed to acknowledge and forgive me.. Thanking God for giving me the courage to forgive some of them and a lot more. There is so much to thank for.

Last night was bad. I felt dejected, tasted some tears, embraced some music and myself...and slept off. Are we all not the same?

I like myself this way, the way I am broken one day and the other day I wake up with hope, a hope that things can be fixed and something that can't be fixed, will be accepted by me.

Sometimes, it is easy to understand how this whole life mechanism works. We are all assigned some roles, the way it is at work. My expertise is to handle things that affect me and the ones that are under my 'Area of Influence'. I cannot handle anything beyond that. There is someone else who is assigned to do that, we call him God, we call him universe or we call him names when we are down in dumps.

Point is : As human beings our role is to always embrace, be it love, change or even the lows of life and when you embrace anything,  it becomes a part of you , it is yours, you own it and then it is not scary anymore.

I donno what philosophical shit I said there.. but that's how it is. That's my motivation.

For this moment, For this 'right now', I manage to smile.. and I am thankful. Are you?

Mast raho, Dilchasp raho!!

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Where do I belong?

The question stares at me, and I have no satisfactory answer. I am the same person who once said "Belong to people, not to places" and today, I neither belong to a person nor to a place. I am living this sense of not-belonging so casually that it somewhere became a part of who I am.

It is like you lived your life tied through a leash and all of a sudden, you are unleashed. You were always told what to do and now, you HAVE to decide. I always thought when this would happen, I will be so happy and free. Now when it has happened, it left a feeling of emptiness, a gash in the heart which is deep.

I am like a 5yr old who's left in the middle of nowhere and does not which way to go to reach HOME. I don't know home anymore.

Is this a temporary lull or will it stay for long? I have no clue. I think it is beautiful that I don't belong though, coz now I can write my own story...tread my own path..fight my fears on my own...

Now, I can walk alone and peacefully coz I don't need to turn back and wait for someone to match steps with me. I am all by myself and I walk alone.

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Sunday Night Horror

I was the third person to reach the room and all I could see for a moment was blood..too much of it, and then I saw him, shivering and mumbling "Maa". It is difficult in THAT moment, to decide, to think or to even move. One of us yelled for Savlon, One of us got the car out and One of us picked him up and dragged him to the chair nearby. The dogs were all over him, licking him, trying to do all they could to ensure he is alright.

My brother had his umpteenth Epilepsy attack yesterday. After losing a lot of blood, 17 stitches on his forehead/right eye and 4 injections.. he is a little better. He has been an epileptic for past 17 years and this is his second hospital visit in a year.

I can never be HIM, ever. I hope his courage stays the same. To live with the fact that you are dependent on people and you may fall, hurt or collapse anywhere...and yet smile and take it all so casually. I don't know many people who can do THAT.

Pray for him to heal sooner, coz your prayers always work.

Donno why, but life has been a little weird off-late. First Dad and now bhai...Nothing breaks you more than watching your loved ones suffer. 

Sometimes, I don't want to be the strong one. I want to be the one who screams, when it pains...who cries hard, when it hurts...without being responsible for everything and everyone. 

Mast raho, Dilchasp Raho!!  

coz some people in my life, live this mantra everyday and inspire me.

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I stumble today, yet again.

I told myself that I will only come back to blogging if I have happy things to write about, but then it is all about perspectives.

In some phases of your life, you are all alone. Everything around you moves with the speed of light and you are still stuck at some place, trying to take that final step but still hesitating because you are too scared of repercussions. Sometimes you end up hurting yourself because you don't want to hurt someone else and one day you realize it was all a mistake.

People around me look at me with too many questions in their eyes. I want to answer none of them, coz I have too many of my own lying unanswered in a corner. I am glad that some of you 'really' know what you want from life. I don't. Every-time I sit down with a pen and paper, write things down and I realize that I have no clue what do I exactly want. One thing although stays common in all these Pen-Paper sessions: Love and Peace of Mind.

I think it is my fault to an extent. I have grown up with my books by my side and my first ever love story was 'The Fountainhead'. I always thought Love begins with a certain amount of conflict, disliking and disagreement. Then I moved on to softer stories, the make-believe ones where they tell you that Love is forever, it never leaves your side and that you should love, not matter if it is reciprocated or not. In real world, I hid my emotions from everyone always. Most of you, who know me in personal life, thanks for being there.... but I know some of you wonder if you still know me. Well, it is nothing to be proud of when I say this... but you don't.

My thirst for 'Peace of mind' comes from the life I have lived. A life which has been an amalgamation of too many short stories. Everyone in my life who is close to me, knows only some of the stories. I always believed that one day I will love madly and be loved back with greater intensity and THAT man would be the one to know it all. Anyways, I guess I need to get out of my teenager's world of dreams. I still want to hold onto love and this beautiful world of mine though.

I have spent so many nights, curling up in bed, wondering and questioning God as to why am I the only one whose prayers are not answered. Why do I have to go through so much pain in life, in every phase? Then, I met some of you. I saw another side of pain and hurt. I know we cannot compare someone's pain with ours, but in some of you I found such brave hearts, who fought every odd and still rose.

I fought a lot of my own battles too, but I thought some day I will be paid off for my perseverance and spirit. I never was, or may be I was too blind to see. I know I still have a wonderful life, friends and dreams that are unattended. I am so lost, I sometimes feel like reaching out to my friends , hug them and cry my heart out. This will do no good, I know.. coz at the end of the day, I am all on my own and I have to find my way out.

I stand here alone as the world walks by, stares at me, sometimes feels sorry, sometimes just laughs at me. No! I am not your sorry-figure.May be today is a day when I stumbled again, when my faith in me is shaken again. But tomorrow, I will get up and walk again. Coz sometimes we have no choice but to NOT give up. I let all of you judge me here.

I know what my problem is though : I give a lot.. but I don't know where to stop. I take way too much shit from people I love... but I don't know when to stop.

I still request everyone reading this : If someone is kind to you, at least 'respect' or 'acknowledge'. People do not demand or expect anything more than that, if they are 'really' kind.

Everyday I tell myself that I will sail through this one too. Some day, my world will take a break from betrayals, disappointments and pain. Probably for a week, for a month, for a year... but I will cherish it. Interestingly we all have the capacity to hurt people and be icy cold to them, but it is a choice that we make. If you cannot be kind to someone, interact with pigs. They may understand, like really.

Also, some of us who take pride in the fact that they trash people who treat them nice. Here is a heartfelt smile for you :)

*Shrugs* If not today, one of these days... but I am gonna find my way out of despair and gain back all that I have lost and some more of it. But all of you who lost me, although am not too precious.. but am special...Sorry about your loss... ;)

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