Madam! aapka dimaag kahaan hain?? - Part 1

Yeah! that's what I have been told for a couple of months now. Absent-minded is ME! I have become this epitome of misplacing things, forgetting important stuff and almost messing up deadlines. I have never been THIS unorganized in a long time.Sometimes it feels there is so much to do and there is no time.

Ideally, this post belongs to the Mumbai Diaries series, but I will just let it be and quote some instances when I acted all stoopid and forgetful in parts.

On my recent trip to Mumbai, I very lazily walked to the Meru Cabs counter at the airport, almost yawned at the Customer Rep there and inquired about a cab while I let my bag rest next to the glass door separating the irritating CR and me. I was amongst the very few who got the cab coz it was raining itti zor se :s 

In my usual excitement of beating the queue of 14 people at this and getting a cab, I dragged myself out of the airport with a smile on my face. It was raining too bad, but I somehow managed to get a cab after 15 mins of wait...Ummm... "Mumbai, you feel good"... 

Felt like the stars were finally in my favor coz my cabbie came right on time. I gracefully(read clumsily) walked to the cab and the moment I opened the car ka darwaaza, bells went ting-ting in my head... I forgot my bags at the Meru Counter (INSIDE THE AIRPORT). Death hi ho gayi meri, by gawd!!

I ran with all my might (I don't have too much of it u see) towards the arrival gates and this mooch-waala Policewaala waits for me there.. Ek dum filmy scene ho gaya matlap! 

Policewaala : "Madam, kidhar jaa rahi ho? Ruko". 

Me (panting) : "Woh mera.. mera bag reh gaya hain ander". 

Policewaala : *shakes head* "Aajkal ki ladkiyaan, pata nahi dhyaan kahan rehta hain". 

Me: "Bag le aaoon please, lecture baad mein de dena aap. warna aap hi laa dijiye, woh dekhiye, wahan rakhkha hain". 

Policewaala : *glares at me* "Jaao Jaldi aur lekar aao". 

Me : *sigh of relief* Bag milaa so laakhon paaye types.

Now I know when I have to stop someone from boarding a plane (if that happens in my love-story), what all I need to do :D :D

I called my friend to tell him that I lost my bag and before I could go on with the rest of the story, here's what I get to hear - "Bag mila? Gaya? Tu kuch toh theek se kiya kar". Me : *facepalm*

All in all, my reputation has gone for a complete toss. Ummmmhummm!

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I stumble today, yet again.

I told myself that I will only come back to blogging if I have happy things to write about, but then it is all about perspectives.

In some phases of your life, you are all alone. Everything around you moves with the speed of light and you are still stuck at some place, trying to take that final step but still hesitating because you are too scared of repercussions. Sometimes you end up hurting yourself because you don't want to hurt someone else and one day you realize it was all a mistake.

People around me look at me with too many questions in their eyes. I want to answer none of them, coz I have too many of my own lying unanswered in a corner. I am glad that some of you 'really' know what you want from life. I don't. Every-time I sit down with a pen and paper, write things down and I realize that I have no clue what do I exactly want. One thing although stays common in all these Pen-Paper sessions: Love and Peace of Mind.

I think it is my fault to an extent. I have grown up with my books by my side and my first ever love story was 'The Fountainhead'. I always thought Love begins with a certain amount of conflict, disliking and disagreement. Then I moved on to softer stories, the make-believe ones where they tell you that Love is forever, it never leaves your side and that you should love, not matter if it is reciprocated or not. In real world, I hid my emotions from everyone always. Most of you, who know me in personal life, thanks for being there.... but I know some of you wonder if you still know me. Well, it is nothing to be proud of when I say this... but you don't.

My thirst for 'Peace of mind' comes from the life I have lived. A life which has been an amalgamation of too many short stories. Everyone in my life who is close to me, knows only some of the stories. I always believed that one day I will love madly and be loved back with greater intensity and THAT man would be the one to know it all. Anyways, I guess I need to get out of my teenager's world of dreams. I still want to hold onto love and this beautiful world of mine though.

I have spent so many nights, curling up in bed, wondering and questioning God as to why am I the only one whose prayers are not answered. Why do I have to go through so much pain in life, in every phase? Then, I met some of you. I saw another side of pain and hurt. I know we cannot compare someone's pain with ours, but in some of you I found such brave hearts, who fought every odd and still rose.

I fought a lot of my own battles too, but I thought some day I will be paid off for my perseverance and spirit. I never was, or may be I was too blind to see. I know I still have a wonderful life, friends and dreams that are unattended. I am so lost, I sometimes feel like reaching out to my friends , hug them and cry my heart out. This will do no good, I know.. coz at the end of the day, I am all on my own and I have to find my way out.

I stand here alone as the world walks by, stares at me, sometimes feels sorry, sometimes just laughs at me. No! I am not your sorry-figure.May be today is a day when I stumbled again, when my faith in me is shaken again. But tomorrow, I will get up and walk again. Coz sometimes we have no choice but to NOT give up. I let all of you judge me here.

I know what my problem is though : I give a lot.. but I don't know where to stop. I take way too much shit from people I love... but I don't know when to stop.

I still request everyone reading this : If someone is kind to you, at least 'respect' or 'acknowledge'. People do not demand or expect anything more than that, if they are 'really' kind.

Everyday I tell myself that I will sail through this one too. Some day, my world will take a break from betrayals, disappointments and pain. Probably for a week, for a month, for a year... but I will cherish it. Interestingly we all have the capacity to hurt people and be icy cold to them, but it is a choice that we make. If you cannot be kind to someone, interact with pigs. They may understand, like really.

Also, some of us who take pride in the fact that they trash people who treat them nice. Here is a heartfelt smile for you :)

*Shrugs* If not today, one of these days... but I am gonna find my way out of despair and gain back all that I have lost and some more of it. But all of you who lost me, although am not too precious.. but am special...Sorry about your loss... ;)

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AD, Tumka birthday aaya :)

 Although I can go and on about my friendship with AD in this post, but for now I will just say that if you don't have him for a friend, you are still missing on a great deal of friendship.

AD is THE man. He is sensitive when he needs to be, stupid when he tries to make you smile, funny even if you sob at his jokes and an interesting geek. Ah! that sounds like bio of a random someone on the matrimonial site.

Anyways!!

Aaj AD ka happy budday hain :) :) So let us wish him a very happy happy birthday and loads of success and a little bit of true love so he stops laughing at me for my ideas of love.

 *sticks her tongue out at AD* Love you loads, AD. Have an awesome birthday aaj...Ummmwaaaaaaaaah!!

You can wish him on twitter : @hitwicked

Chalo yaaron, let's wish him... :P

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Arpit, this is for you! and all my readers.

:) First of all Arpit, I want you to know that I loooooooved your comment on the blog and I MISS YOU!!

 I know that I have been pretty busy breaking few things in my life and fixing some of them.

I will try to be regular on the blog... Your comments mean a lot to me... :)


Guys! who still read me... Love you :) :) Me will be back soon....

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Love Letter to God

Dear God


I know I am known for changing my mind now and then. I know you have made me this way, that I am almost always confused about what I do and say. I always look for MY fault in everything that goes wrong. I will not ask you WHY did you choose me for being so clumsy, foolish and weird, all at the same time. I just want to tell you a couple of things though, things I have not said in a long-long time.


I guess me and you, we did not have a conversation for a long time. I have notice that when I am doing things that somewhere my heart knows are not right, ME and YOU, we both stop conversing. You stop giving me signs and I stop talking to you.


You are weird, just like me. I mean, come on! who throws you in a pool of happiness and then plans to burn you alive? YOU! :)


Every happiness that you send my way is so confused that either I take too much time to recognize that it indeed IS happiness or sometimes it is just to mixed up with some sidetracks of sadness that it goes completely un-noticed. Anyways, coming back to our relationship now... why do you play games with me? Am I your favourite pawn or may be I am one of the best players around. I sometimes suspect that YOU fear me. You fear that someday I will just survive almost every shit you throw in my direction and precisely this is the reason you keep breaking me up time after time.


No worries. I love you just the way you love me. I guess me and you, we love each other way too much and thus we end up in this hating match at times. But it's okay, it is important for a healthy relationship.


Today, I have so many things to say. But the foremost thing would be -- THANK YOU. I am thankful to you for so many things -
- My family
- My friends (whom I can count on my fingertips now)
- My pets
- This beautiful life, The right to breathe.
- For wonderful opportunities and the challenges
- For all the shit you made see since childhood,because this is what made me who I am
- For keeping my faith intact in goodness and being nice. (Although, it's a little shaken now)
- For keeping me sane, even after all that happened.
- For that certain element of madness you injected in me, that keeps me going. That makes me thrive harder.
- For almost all the good things and some of the bad things too.
- For all the people who made my life hell by BEING there and some of them by NOT being there. (Oh! I am not going to name them)


Today, I also have something else to say, I need you. I need you so bad that I had to write this up


- Please help me let go. Please. I am holding onto this one thing for a long time now.
- Please help me realize that I AM the one who is important in my life and no-one else can take that place. I am my #1.
- Please help me accept that I loved and it does not matter if the people I loved were right or wrong. What is important is that I LOVED.
- Please help me accept that I don't need to prove it to anyone how good I am, how worthy I am and how loyal I am.
- Please help me accept that the ones who love madly and honestly are the ones who are courageous of the lot.
- Please help me survive this too.
- Please bless me with strength, peace of mind and a will to walk with pride.
- Please stand next to me and whisper "Walk on. You can" when I feel like I will give up.
- Please keep my dreams and hopes alive.
- Please help those who love me, accept that it is okay to love.
- Please just be there for me, right now. I need you. Let us talk everyday. Let's give our relationship some time.
- Please help me embrace happiness and sadness, failure and victory with same amount of poise and humility.


I love you and I am not scared to admit that. Thanks for being there. I know you will help me sail through. I trust you.

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Choose your prayers carefully

I was reading through 'The Secret' yet again. Why?

Well, I thought I will find my answers in the book. I kind of DID. 

The moment I asked myself what do I actually want, why am I reading this book? I realised that my prayers, my wishes changed.

The reason I was reading the book for, is not valid anymore. Weird eh?

Like I say - Choose your prayers carefully. Sometimes God is really at it. 

I will get back to the book now and find MY prayers. Do you know yours?

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Bangalore Diaries : Sab achche ke liye hota hain

They say life is all about uncertainty..... Well yeah!! probably it is...

You may never know what is coming your way while you are busy planning on a million other things... Many people might have told you the same thing too many times in your life.

I experience it yet again this time.

A surprise-call on a Sunday night brought me to Bangalore from Mumbai. Trust me I did not even want to be here. I complained way too much to my boss asking him why he always chooses me to rescue projects as if I am the only one. He smiled over the call and said " You are THE TROUBLE MAGNET and you have to live with it".

I was like "Yeah right". I really did not want to leave Mumbai for even a minute this week. This was my last week in Mumbai, I wanted to live every moment to the utmost.

It's been 4 days ever since I landed in Bangalore. It has been weird and boring but something interesting happened today. The hotel I was staying it in Mumbai, caught fire. I mean, come on!! hadd ho gayi... I would have been in my room if I was in Mumbai... The very moment I saw that news, I told myself "Now you know why you are here. THIS is your reason" and all the wailing n frustration I had faded away.


Today is my last day in Bangalore and I was excited to get back to Mumbai... reached airport much before the flight time of 8:30 pm and all I saw there was a huge crowd and people shouting. Ah! my flight was declared delayed by 3 hours... which means... I looked at my watch and it was 6:15 pm... so I told myself in my head "which means I am here for another 5 hours, I am stranded". At that very moment, I wanted to  cry. I was in too much pain and could not even imagine sitting and waiting for my flight.

Well, I made frantic calls to my friend in Mumbai to help me get tickets. He tried but we could not make it. So finally I decided to board the flight at 11:30.. and yeah! there is a hidden meaning in everything happens.

THIS delay gave me time to shop for some books... and to read one too. I have been gifted this "Eat Pray Love" copy by a friend. I have been looking for it for a long time and when I finally got it, I did not have the time to read it.

Right now, as I read through the book, I realize that everything does happen for a reason. If not for this delay, I would not have started reading this wonderful book.  I am loving it so far. I guess I needed this time,m I needed this break, I needed this time to rediscover, learn and read and do what I love the most -- READ!!

More on the book, laters ;) mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

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