Are you ahem!... virgin?
This question looms over all relationships and even the prospective marriages. Thankfully, no prospective groom asked me something like this ever, else those who know me, would know uska kya hota ;) But yes, My friends have been asked such questions by their prospective grooms :D
So, everyone has opinions about it. I also have one... which is that I don't have any prerequisites as such. It depends on an individual how they want to look at it. I have no such expectations from my partner that they should not have done 'IT' before with someone. I mean *shrugs* , I take this to be just usual stuff.
And this guy-friend (he is not DOST) I talked to today said that his friend (a gal) once told him that she is keeping her virginity intact as a gift for her husband. Ahem! sorry but that sounds lame to me. If I have not done IT, it is not coz I am keen on gift wrapping myself for someone I am marrying. LOL. It is coz I just don't want to go all the way.
But I see there is so much hue and cry over this even when a Tamil Superstar advocated pre-marital sex. I don't think there is anything wrong with this.
I have met many guy friends (and Dost, it is not about you before you frown at me), who no matter how many times they have done it, expect their would-be to be Mineral-water ki tarah pavitra (ahem!Ganga maiya is a lil polluted aajkal-- am not an atheist).
Such people amaze me with their double standards on something like this. If you have already done IT, how can you expect something else from your partner. *shrugs*
Another thing is that pre-marital sex does not make you a philanderer(here used in unisex context). It is just a choice you make and it is individualistic. Trust and Virginity are different things. We should not mix them ever, else life becomes too heavy to bear with.
What do you guys think about it? What is your take on it?
Note : Dost, again. It is not about what me and you talked. But you gave me a good reason to talk about it here.
45 comments:
My take on it : it really is no big deal. If a couple are serious in a relationship and they go ahead with it, and later the relationship does not work out and they marry different individuals, there's no point regretting doing 'IT' 'coz at that point they were committed. And for those who do it for the heck of it, that's an individual's choice as well. To me, sex is highly over-rated anf hyped, particularly in India. While I completely support trust and faithfulness in relationships (married or not), I don't think a past fling / not being a virgin is the benchmark for it. But once committed, being unfaithful (and hence sleeping around) is not ok.
This subject is something idiotic, to ask about in a first meeting! And if a guy really wants a virgin, one would have to get a girl who is not off age as yet, that's why we see 28 year old's marrying 18 odd! The reason behind this reason, (whom am i kidding and trying to lessen some hypocrisy) we, the men, fear of being compared and not ending up better than previous guy! So better get a clean slate to make a mark on rather than end up trying to do better than benchmark!
We all write/erase/write definitions as per our wishes And time - The best decision-maker to change a certain decision And S/He erase And re-write what S/He said before. Only few are those who stick to what they said forever.
the killer line for me in the post is where you write up : its an individualistic choice...thats how it shud be always.
In the end once the knot is tied, in most of the sane marriages, the question in limelight does not even matter.
"it is not coz I am keen on gift wrapping myself for someone I am marrying."..
hahaha..lolz..
Well u say abt this..c It doesnt matters to me..unless n until i cm to know that my man hd done this :P..
its just like that..it should not cm in btwn our relation...
rest this quest doesnt matter..
Well, I agree with you Harshita, that it is an individual choice. A choice that the person/people in the relationship want to make. I know of couples who are just ok with maintaining distance in their relationship because they want to. And, I know of others, who are in a live in.
It is a personal choice. A choice that you have to make. The society in India is proud of its double standards.
Trust and Virginity are two different things- BANG on girl, bang on.
'Trust and Virginity are different things'
VERY MUCH!
Yes i agree!
but like sex it has been way too over rated and keeps goin in that direction!
what to say - maybe it is just individualistic!
i wouldnt call it a choice i wud just say its just happens by chance, if one gets a chance one does it if one doesnt then...
I echo ur sentiments on this topic. I hate men with such double standards....they annoy me to no end!! Thankfully i dont hav to deal with such men, who wud ask me if i am a virgin or not!
Its a matter of choice jus like u hav said.
Blah! I will sue you for this! I wanted to write about this.. Huh!!
Anyways, like most of the other blogs, people will comment.. Oh Yes, I totally agree. hehe..!
I do agree on the double standards thingy. Men have no right to expect a 100% 'Pure' wife while they kept on poking 'things' here and there.
But from what I have learnt in my life, I believe sex before marriage shouldn't be just taken for granted. It is not encouraged or even tolerated in my land. Most of the comments here will come from Urban public. You even touch a girl in rural area before marriage and if they get to know about it, both heads are chopped off. No questions asked.
Although what you are saying is much more practical and realistic but it might not matter to some but it may matter to others. And at least in my country, pre-marital sex is still not right! And I stand by it. If I am clear I would expect the other to be clear as well. If not physically, at least mentally.
that's well said...
men really do not have a right to expect a virgin as ther life partner when they themselves ren't..
and i think if a guy can call a gal "used goods" we wun mind them calling either....virginity is virginity men or women..!!
but ter sure is a pleasure to be just one man's/woman's by body and mind...
and this is perfectly out of the scenario of marriage...
losing virginity has nothing to do with marriage...
tazz it...
If one person (male or female) is going to be so bothered about it, then that person has not understood what married life is all about :)
i totally agree with you, those 2 are 2 different things complelty, all together....
the thing is if you want to have a future with your parter, why worry abt the past? rgt?....
thinku post tha... ;)
take care and keep writing..........
If a Person is virgin, it doesn't mean he/she is loyal....
both things r different
yea i too hate tht thing in brain..
i m not virgin but i expect my wife to be virgin. Fuckers!!! saleee kutte kamine..
sex shouldnt be a big deal.
u love some one, u also share ur love thru sex so whts so big deal??
So a guy who has not done "IT" has every right to expect the same from her? Seriously, I dont know why ppl make such a big deal out of this. Its just sex afterall, a feeling that is totally different to love.
I think it depends on person to person...some give no shit about it...for others it's big deal...
I am a virgin too...I am still waiting for the right one.
I really don't care what my peers think.
About marriage I think what really matters is the trust in the relationship not your past sexual experiences.
Most men expect their wives to be virgins it's because how the society has been set up since ages. Men get right to boast about their quests and they are looked upon as playboys.And they think that the more they score the more respect they will have in their circle.
Whereas it's opposite for women if she sleeps around she's a whore.
But If she's a Vigin she gets the respect... lol
I can't believe even in this century we have medieval thinking.
IT's your life ...your choices.NO one should interfere with it.That's what I believe in.
Ever1 has their own thought.
I am just sayin ;D
well said rainboy.. :)
I will practice before I preach :P lol..
Aiite, It's all about the right time and the right person. Before marriage or after marriage isn't in the picture or at least for me it isn't ;)
those dogs/b***hes who hog around doing "IT" should not atleast expect their ultimate partners to be mineral water branded..
however I guess,these days,majority of ppl do believe tht if they want a good looking spouse,expecting his/her life to be immaculate is lame and futile.
asking this itself during initial phase wud be a turn off!!however,i don't believe in hiding it either..after all when u did it-it would have been a big thing for u-so sharing it makes sense!
my take on this..
we should not expect a partner who haven't done IT.But we can expect them not to do IT with others after ur Marriage.
Exactly.. trust and virginity r 2 diff things.
I Agree with you 100% no no 200% :)
@Dewdrop
Well said. The last line in your comment says it all.
@Adi
Be it first meeting or 50th meeting, I think unless a person wants to share it with you, it should not matter. I agree with your point on comparison.
@Hobo
Hmm....makes sense to me.
@Sameer
Yes. It should not matter I guess.
@Amu
haha...even I loved that line...sometimes I dont realise and I say such stuff too :D
Yeah! and someone doing it before they met you, should not affect this.
@Sakshi
Thanks Sakshi. Would it be great if everyone understands that...Trust and Virginity are two really different things.
@Americanising Desi
Hmm..yes, it is.
@Uncommon Sense
Smart one!
@Ria
:) You are lucky then...
@AD
Sue me ;)
I will not comment on it anymore... me and you have had a huge discussion on this already. I stand by my point. :)
@Nanhi Pari
Ahem! okay ;)
@Arv
Absolutely
@Thousif
:) :) thinku post?? hehe
@Anil
Yups!
@Niddzzi
Control! itna gussa naa kar ;)
@Beat99
Hmmm... true.
@Rainboy
I liked ur comment.. in ur face.. but true!
@Peter
:) funny eh?
hmmm
@Chitwan
Yeah! but then what is the need to share...I mean that's pretty much normal no?
@Suree
Yes...that is a diff thing altogether...u can only expect loyalty but cannot judge sum1 on the basis of they lost their virginity already.
I totally agree :)
the gift wraping thing, lol thats so lame!!! I've heard it so many times before and just don't see the point!
Uff!
Well.., that is a very subjective issue... the view-point differs from person to person..
I agree with you that guys who sleep with girls before marriage and expect their would-be to be erm... "sealed" is wrong.. it is totally wrong...
But, I believe in one thing and stand by to it...: Pre-marital sex must not be encouraged at all..., neither for guys nor for girls (yah.. and I'm in the US). Persons have the right to expect their husband/wife to bepure..
I have seen many people who say "Pre-marital sex is just so OK..." Most of them are show-offs who like to flaunt that they are too broad-minded. When it comes to marriage, they expect what you described as Mineral-water jaise pavitra...
Hate such show-off aHoles...
@Kedar:
Dude, some people are OK with it. Just coz you'r not! stop blaming others..chill..its not something that you wear to show off!
pre marital sex can be encouraged, coz its upto the guy and girl to decide if they want to do it or not.
more importantly, now the law says live in relationships is equal to marriage so maintenance etc. will be paid to the woman if the guy eats sex and then runs away..saala chichora...
:D
ok maybe i deviated from the point, but i will most probably (unless v desp) do it after marriage and of course i expect my man to be a \V/ and more selfishly, he shudnt hv had any relationships in the past :D :P
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