Marrying the rapist...
Fine. Blame me for it. But this does not get into my head.
The Chief Justice of India, made a statement today about how a victim should be allowed to marry her rapists if she wants to. Ahem! I wonder who would want to marry a person who damaged their soul beyond repair?
I mean, may be, I am not the right person to comment here, but all I understand is that I still have so much anger for the man who groped me when I took my first bus to college, the man who back-slapped me while I was out for a walk, the man who attempted rape on my co-traveler in front of my eyes, the man who forcefully dragged me to a train and tried to molest me when I was 6 yrs old and the list goes on...
Sorry, I cannot forget these men and I can simply NEVER FORGIVE them. Then, how do I understand marrying the rapist part?
Dear Mr. Balakrishnan, I understand your empathy to the victims but let us not encourage such statements as it will only throw in a perception that you can rape a woman and then force her into marrying you by taking advantage of her emotional as well as social trauma.
But then *shameless shrug* -- We have so many married women in our country who are brutally raped by their husbands and they live with it. *sigh* I know why you made this statement, Sir. I NOW understand what made you assume that a woman who has been battered,torn and tormented by a man, will marry the same guy and stay with him all her life. I really do.
I feel sad for such women and for those of you who assume that the EDUCATED-lot of women do not give into marital rape. They do.
Damn! we women are so guilt-ridden. We hardly understand that what happens to us is not our fault.
Like I always say, my request to everyone who reads me is : Encourage the women you know, to stand up for themselves. I always make sure that I discuss this with my friends and my cousins, so they are more responsible towards their life and the other women around them.
WE (the women) are not responsible for the molestation, harassment and acts on insanity done to us. A sick mind is... Some sick minds are. So let us not sulk in guilt. If someone gropes you, give it back to them. If someone tries to cross the line with u, don't feel sick abt urself, give it back to them, right there.
Gals, we are strong, we are confident and we know how to stand up for each other and for us. :) So help and support your friends who have been thru some sort of abuse or are thru one. Help them come out with it and get rid of the guilt.
Guys, Please understand that even though an act of groping or molestation seems like a simple something to you, it hurts deep inside our soul and makes us feel worthless, ashamed and sorry for ourselves. Help your women realize they are worthy of love and any such thing that happens to them is NOT their fault. Never shrug it off with a statement like- It happens to every gal or this is routine stuff.
NOTE : I prefer not to discuss my posts offline. But if you need help in talking it out, you are most welcome. Thank you. :)
35 comments:
This, Harshita, is something that I wouldn't write about maybe but I feel it as strongly. It's just a matter of knowing your own self worth which women rarely do. On top of that, even their families are looking to avoid shame in the 'samaaj' so they also agree to the fastest way to doing so - marrying the rapist. The general state of things has become disgusting.
Well,The Supreme Court is a bunch of insane ppl.And I dont have faith over them.When they went for a mercy petition for Afsal Guru,to when they went to the extent of saying the killer of Prabhu and his family didn't recieve death for what they did,I am not surprised they are telling this now...
Its sad that this had to come on IWD too..
Nikhil
Once again u hav earned respect from me for writing such a post....I feel strongly for this issue but hav never been able to write it the way u do! Kudos to u for doing that...and u have understood a woman's mentality so well!!its the guilt that does it all, its bcoz of the guilt that woman dont come forward and say that they were assaulted....and there's this fear of acceptance coz most of the times women are blamed for what happened to them!
I think its high time that ppl bcame more empathetic and no sympathatic towards women who go thru such instances. I hate this chalta hai kinda attitude. I hate it when ppl say "Are yeh to hota rehta hai!".
And abt the hatred bit....i can tell u for once, that i still hate my uncle who had once tried to molest me when i was a child and he thought that he cud get away with it jus bcoz he was my father's cousin! But he was oh so wrong!! I do and will always hate him.
Well, to both agree and disagree with you, it's actually women who are responsible for their status. If they had resisted it in the first place, we may not have any need to celebrate Women's Day. Although I know what was happened had its reasons that why women didn't retaliate but at least now womenfolk can.
I firmly believe if a woman decides that she is not going to take it anymore, no bloody guy in this world can dare to tease any woman ever. If you feel anything bad is about to happen to you. REACT! Just hiding from the society will make the matter worse!
(You know what? You can reply to your comments)
:( :( How could they do it? :( ... 6 year old kid? :(
all this makes me sad and angry .. and then these court people such insensitive things! why dont they try getting raped !!
I don't know what is there in the mind of Chief Justice. This is so ridiculously apathetic. :(
Kudos to you for coming up with this post!
A man who robs a woman of her dignity has no right to marry her. Its barbaric.
Mr. Judge,are you listening ?
i do not have words to comment on this post.
this post is not taareef k kabil or something..
it left me awestruck. like literally.
if the chief justice of India thinks tht a woman would want to marry the rapist who killed her dignity or izzat as they call in hindi movies, i mean we cant understand their state of mind.. probably they dont think to have another alternative..
but asking a woman to marry the rapist is just not attyachar on the woman, but also, giving an edge tot he rapist..
so? u do a crime heinous than murder and u earn youself a wife? for free? and get ready to commit the crime once again?
every woman has some dreams about her marriage.. and afer sucha n incidence, she needs rehabilation.. and what u do? u ask her to marry the rapist and snatch the chance from her? that she lives in despair though her life?
this is not as easy as it seems..
passing a bill like that is totally totally foolish..
dunno what else to say...
Awesome Postttttttt Harshita!!!
I luv u for this :) u r just amazing when you write...
hats off to you!!
Woman like you make us proud :)
Well, when we have had ruchita's case last so long, followed by such a lame sentence, I never expected to be served with justice.
Its ver sad that the court takes the matter of rape so lightly... its almost as if it is indicating to men that they can roam around with sindoor and mangalsootras in their pockets and can rape women at free will and all they need to do is then marry them to wash off their sins, so that they can continue to rape them forever, as legal husbands... it is a real sad state of affairs... the judicial system from which we expect justice and fairplay has made a mockery of justice.
Marrying the rapist.. is Bullshit. :X
Nice Post.
Burayion ko chupana does not help.. Chupane ke baad toh sab kuch acha lagta hai..
Keep Posting stuff like this.. Isse yaad toh rehta hai ki actually me ho kya raha hai..
Hi Harshita,
I was directed to you by TBG.
And here is what I have to say...
*“It is not possible for policy makers and judges to prescribe a ‘one-size-fits-all approach' and we must make honest efforts to build the institutional capacity needed for the proper rehabilitation of rape victims.''*
And this is what law is all about.
What you are saying is not wrong at all. As a matter of fact, I agree with you that, a man who rapes should be hanged to death. But, as far as the legal position goes here in India, It is VERY important that, the law is interpreted properly. See, for every situation that comes before the court, it has to mold the law of the land that has been laid down.
And, you also missed the following lines-
He also referred to the ‘secondary victimisation,' which a rape victim often has to suffer during the trial of the accused due to inconvenient, probing and often indecent questions by defence counsel.
“There is a very real phenomenon described as ‘secondary victimisation' wherein the victim of a crime faces additional harassment and humiliation in the course of investigation and trial. Especially when the perpetrators are in a position of power over the victims, there is a strong distrust of the credibility of the investigation itself,'' Justice Balakrishnan pointed out.
“Some recent cases highlighted in the press have shown how the investigative machinery can often be manipulated to protect influential persons, howsoever reprehensible their crimes may be,” he said. “The investigators, prosecutors and defence counsels must exhibit an appropriate degree of sensitivity to the victims,'' he said.
For a country like India, it is very important for the judiciary to respect the local customs, the choices of the victims and the society there itself.
It is very easy to say things sitting here, but being a judge, deciding upon the life of a person, or persons IS the most difficult task in the world. You often have to over ride your conscience and common sense.
Marrying one's rapist is by far the most ridiculous statement I have heard ever! Makes me wonder if these people are animals... sheesh...
Hi Sakshi
Thanks for providing us an insight on this post from a different point of view but I have something to add there.
As far as secondary victimisation is concerned, marrying a rapist is nothing short of it.
If you noticed, I have picked that line up to stress upon the general perception, that a woman WOULD agree to such a condition and so I concluded that it is US who need to stand up for this.
I have nothing against CJI (no personal khunnas) and against the lawmakers.
If we have to work for a solution, we have to work in the system and frankly neither me nor my galfriends can go ahead and change it or even work with it right now.
For us, it is important that we reach out to as many victims as we can and help them. Also, we shud come out if we are being harassed.If you could find time, please read the post towards the end again.
Also, being at such a responsible position, you need to be aware as to what message you are sending to the nation, to the victims as well as the culprits.
Like I said, I may be wrong here but it is entirely my view of the situation, I am not an insider who can have a flamboyant view on the JUDICIARY and it's problems.
I am concerned about what I can do, what message I can pass and what I deduct from such statements as a commoner.I expressed the same.
I am really thankful that you brought these points up which led to this discussion.
:) :)
Thank you Sakshi and Harshita.
This is an intelligent post. Hence, you all know, I am unelgible to comment! Hence, Sakshi into the picture. She's a lawyer!
And Tagged you! Because I feel like irritating you! It's long! :P
Heights Hoti hai sab cheez ki.. Bloody Dogs!!!
this reminds me of a dialogue from that Anil Kapoor and Ash movie
"balatkaar karo aur mangalsutra pehna do phir ek karo phir pehna do..."
@Ki
I agree, and that is what I wanted to convey here. Hate the criminal but no the victim.
And as women we need to realize that any injustice done to us is not our fault coz we are biologically programmed to feel guilty abt everything all the time.
Anyways, Ki... U stay happy...U just got engaged, gal. Congratulations.
@Multimenon
Well here the CJI made this statement in a seminar and did not talk about this in the court to be passed as a law or jurisdiction.
But yeah! I expected some responsible comments from him with a proper justification.
@Ria
Thank you. I wish more women come out and talk about it so the others get the courage to express themselves and come of the guilt.
Well I can completely understand. Not everyone is as brave as you, to admit it.
You are an inspiration.
AD,
I disagree, women are not responsible for what happens to them but yes they are responsible for not sharing it or raising alarms when it is expected but then it is deep psychology. Being a victim, you go through many lows and it is difficult to come out and protest or even share. It is very scarring for the victim be it groping, rape or molestation.
And raising alarms and protesting does not work always. In most of the cases, the police also advises to run for life than to fight it.
And yes...I have replied to the comments.
@I'll try to be truthful
Well I have seen it happening to a 2 yr old. People are THAT sick.
Wish CJI could have justified it with some significant pointer apart from society bullshit.
@Gaurav
Indeed it is. Thanks Gaurav.
@Anwesa
I guess, he got it a little wrong. I dont blame him also coz being a man it is difficult to empathise with a woman to that extent. Also, like Sakshi mentioned, it seems law does not value emotions but facts and also, he would rather see it rationally than FEEL it the way we all do.
@Richa
Well, yes. This is something that still happens in remote villages that gals are raped if they refuse to marry the man who proposes the marriage.
So it is somewhat similar here.
And well, I think rather than giving such comments, it would have been great if he wud have said ,"let's educate the women about how to save themselves, how to attain justice or let's have a special cell for victim counselling in the courts as well as all main police stations too"
I don't think they are passing any bill as such. He just made this statement at a seminar recently but even then it is not appreciated.
@Lifesmiles
Thanks... Every woman should be proud of herself.
@Adi
Hmm... I get that.
@Dewdrop
Well, even if it is the judge's personal opinion, it does speak for his position also.
@Arpit
Hmm...thanks yaar... u guys do gr8 work by organizing plays on such issues.
@Dhanya
Yes. I agree.
@Ramit
Ahem! I was waiting for your comment on it waisey. I will finish the tag for sure. I have to do 2 tags for you :D
@Nidz
Hmm...
@Americanising Desi
something similar...yes!
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