While sipping on my early morning cup of hot water, I thought of reading thru the newspaper...Well to start with, I usually think of doing the same everyday but in our house it gets difficult to grab the paper as when everyonez home, they want their own piece of news... :)
Somehow I caught hold of the paper and sip by sip I turned pages when a news-item attracted my attention. Somebody asked the same old question again.
"Why can't an individual be identified by mother's name only?". The title for the article read -
Fathers name still only measure of identity.
Now this news was something which I HAD to read.(the reason I will tell you laters in the post)
I really wonder, why if a father has left his kids and family long back, the law still wants that past lingering in the kids' lives?? Ah! this is baseless.
I understand both the parents are important but with the number of single parents(especially single moms) growing in our country, I think the authorities need to wake up and think about it.
May sound cliche, but if a mother is the one who bears the pain and labor of bringing a life into this world, why is she denied the right to be the primary parent?? I think this adds to more humiliation for the single mother and the child too.
We should accept change in our society and we should accept that women have carved a niche of their own. They have built identities that they are proud of and they would also want their kids to carry the same and most of the times, the kids also want the same.
Single moms already have a lot to cater to like every single parent has to and such incidents only add to their trouble.
I think when we have recognised Domestic Violence act for Live-in relationships, we must go a step further and intoduce another amendment where name of either parent can be used as a measure of identification.
This article made me think a little more coz of a very special secret of mine which am going to share today.
I always wanted to adopt a kid(now don't gimme that every-gal-says-so look!!) infact, a girl child. May sound funny to most of you but this is something I planned upon when I was 13 yrs old. :)
I always wanted to grow up with someone yet again... And day before while I was chatting with an old-time friend she asked me, "Why don't you go ahead and do it?".
Hmm..even am asking myself...I have lot many answers or excuses may be...I know my mom will be freaked out if she ever gets to know abt it and my family may just boycott me...or I know initially they all will think that I am just trying to be funny with them...and laters they will pack me off to some remote country...lol
In India, for an umarried woman to adopt a kid is like a big taboo even now. I know my mom wud come up with justifications like
"Who will marry you?" ,
"What will we tell our relatives?" ,"how will your brothers get married?", "Why do you want to bring shame to the family?", "Why do you want to spoil you life?"
My questions may raise many eyebrows today but I want to ask,
"Why if I really want to be responsible for a kid, I need a father?" ,"Why is it compulsory to get married if you want to adopt a kid?","What is shameful about it?"...and my list goes on...
I know its a huge huge responsibilty and I really feel somewhere deep down that I wanna do it but yes, I am not coward yet I don't want to hurt my parents also...
Sometimes when I get into thinking about his, I feel I have one life to live and may be my last chance to fulfill all my desires...and giving someone a beautiful life is one of them...
In a country where girl child is killed before birth, I want to see that beautiful smile grow in front of me...I want to protect and cuddle her so atleast I am able to save one life from turning into a nightmare.
All these thoughts, just take me into a world I have left behind. A world where I was willing and free to do all that I wanted to...
But the kind of emotional person I am, I wud never ever hurt my family and for them I donno for how long I wud supress my wish to adopt a gal.
Frenz say ,"What if you find a great guy who agrees to it after marriage?"...Puhleese gimme a break...I have met enuff people in my life to know how many of the men my age wud ever accept something like this...and even if it happens again why shud one luk for marriage as an option for this?
Why does a man always have the say...huh! I donno...I just wish if my wish wud come true... :)
Herez to all the single mothers...You are the best!!
P.S. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/Fathers_name_still_only_measure_of_identity/rssarticleshow/3495885.cms
While sipping on my early morning cup of hot water, I thought of reading thru the newspaper...Well to start with, I usually think of doing the same everyday but in our house it gets difficult to grab the paper as when everyonez home, they want their own piece of news... :)
Somehow I caught hold of the paper and sip by sip I turned pages when a news-item attracted my attention. Somebody asked the same old question again. "Why can't an individual be identified by mother's name only?". The title for the article read - Fathers name still only measure of identity.
Now this news was something which I HAD to read.(the reason I will tell you laters in the post)
I really wonder, why if a father has left his kids and family long back, the law still wants that past lingering in the kids' lives?? Ah! this is baseless.
I understand both the parents are important but with the number of single parents(especially single moms) growing in our country, I think the authorities need to wake up and think about it.
May sound cliche, but if a mother is the one who bears the pain and labor of bringing a life into this world, why is she denied the right to be the primary parent?? I think this adds to more humiliation for the single mother and the child too.
We should accept change in our society and we should accept that women have carved a niche of their own. They have built identities that they are proud of and they would also want their kids to carry the same and most of the times, the kids also want the same.
Single moms already have a lot to cater to like every single parent has to and such incidents only add to their trouble.
I think when we have recognised Domestic Violence act for Live-in relationships, we must go a step further and intoduce another amendment where name of either parent can be used as a measure of identification.
This article made me think a little more coz of a very special secret of mine which am going to share today.
I always wanted to adopt a kid(now don't gimme that every-gal-says-so look!!) infact, a girl child. May sound funny to most of you but this is something I planned upon when I was 13 yrs old. :)
I always wanted to grow up with someone yet again... And day before while I was chatting with an old-time friend she asked me, "Why don't you go ahead and do it?".
Hmm..even am asking myself...I have lot many answers or excuses may be...I know my mom will be freaked out if she ever gets to know abt it and my family may just boycott me...or I know initially they all will think that I am just trying to be funny with them...and laters they will pack me off to some remote country...lol
In India, for an umarried woman to adopt a kid is like a big taboo even now. I know my mom wud come up with justifications like "Who will marry you?" ,"What will we tell our relatives?" ,"how will your brothers get married?", "Why do you want to bring shame to the family?", "Why do you want to spoil you life?"
My questions may raise many eyebrows today but I want to ask, "Why if I really want to be responsible for a kid, I need a father?" ,"Why is it compulsory to get married if you want to adopt a kid?","What is shameful about it?"...and my list goes on...
I know its a huge huge responsibilty and I really feel somewhere deep down that I wanna do it but yes, I am not coward yet I don't want to hurt my parents also...
Sometimes when I get into thinking about his, I feel I have one life to live and may be my last chance to fulfill all my desires...and giving someone a beautiful life is one of them...
In a country where girl child is killed before birth, I want to see that beautiful smile grow in front of me...I want to protect and cuddle her so atleast I am able to save one life from turning into a nightmare.
All these thoughts, just take me into a world I have left behind. A world where I was willing and free to do all that I wanted to...
But the kind of emotional person I am, I wud never ever hurt my family and for them I donno for how long I wud supress my wish to adopt a gal.
Frenz say ,"What if you find a great guy who agrees to it after marriage?"...Puhleese gimme a break...I have met enuff people in my life to know how many of the men my age wud ever accept something like this...and even if it happens again why shud one luk for marriage as an option for this?
Why does a man always have the say...huh! I donno...I just wish if my wish wud come true... :)
Herez to all the single mothers...You are the best!!
10 comments:
Hiya.. Great post...
I dont see the need for this fuss. A person should have the right to choose the last name whatever it is. If the father has left, the kid should be able to use the mother's surname (and vice-versa) and the mother should be able to take back her old surname back. Am no lawyer but does not the law provide for this?
As for as adoption is concerned, it does not matter to me where the child came from. When you hold a baby in your hands and raise it everyday, does it really matter whether the kid was adopted? NO. For many people, it is the only way to experience parenting.
As for the single parenting - Hmmm.. I may have to slightly differ with your views there for a simple reason. One does not need a partner to raise a kid. But, from the child's point of view, they tend to be very different when they grow up. No matter how loving their single parent is, it affects them in a subtle way. I feel, unless there is no choice, a child is entitled to be raised by a father and a mother.
Nice topic da.. as you can see, it got me totally into it :)
Thank you for sharing the lovely insights...
Have a nice day mate... Chennai is looking good today... Cheers mate...
well i wasn't able to resist for a comment here and that too against (may be first time in ur blog) :D
Financial Aspect: Even the number of independent ladies like you are increasing in India but thats meager in caparison to its population. Even for you taking care of a girl child and giving her the best education in town will be difficult. I hope u have heard Lakhs of donation in the good schools in our Metro cities. Working couples in tier 2 & tier 3 (forget about tier 1) do enough saving before making their mind for a child. You can see that in our previous generations (mostly its 2 or max 3)I have only seen more than 3 child in my Grand Pa's generation ;) and thats the reason our elders don't allow us to be a single mother or father :D they know this part of world better ;)
Emotional Aspect:
As we grow and see the world around the things we miss, affects our mind and lead to chemical reaction in brain(brain is about chemistry, science has proved that ;)) This build a person's psychology and you must accept that upbringing affects one's psychology (the most). So how a single mother will control the chemical 'Locha' in the child's mind. I know how i had always missed the word "Papa" in last 16 years. Same may be true for the word "mummy" in other's life. You have to compromise when you go 'against the nature'
Considering all this i accept that we should have provisions in our Govt/Pvt documents to have only mother's name. We have already seen the change in these docs as we can see now that there is mandatory space for mother's name in most of the docs these days.
They say :
Its a man's world.
I disagree.
I completely understand ur frustation, when u say that why shud the man always have the say..but i guess its more to do with the way our society is...i have been a rebel for the same reason..i think for years now....but if u luk at it keenly, our's is more of a matriarchal society and it is the responsibility of every mother to imbibe respect for a woman in her children, especially the guys....wat say?
well thts a kinda debatable and never ending topic ..hundred ppl may have hundred ideas and suggestions and still u vil end up getting no concrete result in this regard ...!!
so individuality is wat matters and if u take my opinion like wat others are giving u ..I wud say adopting a kid is okay for a gal but then I also beliv that a child needs attention of both the parents !
harshita,
a real gud thot!!if u ask me wats my secret desire,i wud hav d same answer-adopting a girl child is really a commendable deed.i guess my mom wanted 2 do so wen she was of my age.(i havn't asked her tho.)
abt naming a child,moms too hav der identity in soceity.lord krishna too is knon as "yashoda's "
son.gr8 idea,may Almighty fulfill this wish of yours!(n i'm sure ur parents will not disagree to it!)
well the thought is good and the intention is great too... but just keep in mind this cannot be an experiment.
I love kids and I think they should have a great future but I hate to be with n among kids. I am just not that kind.
Hey thank you from a single mother.
Rach and I have different last names because I took my maiden name back which causes confusion but we are both ok with it.
I think that there is a difference between a single woman adopting a child and a single woman birthing a child.
This topic is one reason I am glad to live where I do because although there is still a stigma (people say, oh I'm sorry when they hear I am a single mother and I say, don't be, I'm much happier this way) we have come a long way in recognizing a woman's ability to handle what we need to.
Great post.
I would day its better than being child of a mother than being parentless. I would say Harshita go ahead. Do what you think is right. btw i have something similar to ur thoughts check my next post.
Arv, thanks for providing your insight into it. I know that a child needs both the mother and father to grow up but then, it wud be great if the mother willingly does that. This is my point, if a woman feels like sharing her life with someone then it wud be great else Niddzzi is right when she says that it wud be better to be a single mother's kid than being parentless.
Gaurav, there is nothing like in favour or against. We all have opinions based on our personal experiences and itz great to share them.
By God's grace, am born in a family of 4 kids. :) and I know what financial support means to the kid. This is the reason I did not talk about unrealistic figures. It wud be great if difference is made in one life.
For emotional aspect, I know I can never understand what you have been through and ofcourse will never be able to comment on it.
But, I have seen people grow up in disturbed households and sometimes it is better to grow up with a mom by ur side rather than an unhappy set of parents.If I adopt, I'll be really glad if someone comes forward and agrees to accept me and the kid as a package without him feeling he is doing some favour to either me or the kid.
Yes there is a mandatory space for mother's name but then ONLY mother's name is still not accepted in important govt papers.Things are changing but very slowly.
Yeah Hobo...We do disagree but then it holds true even today.
Hi Soumya. You have floored me with your comment. True. "it is the responsibility of every mother to imbibe respect for a woman in her children, especially the guys"
Yes Peter. This is a debate which wud never end.I know but then we can't expect everything to go our way...I donno how comfortable one's life partner is with such issues.
Hey Anwesa, Thanks a lot for your supportive words.
No Abhi. I would never experiment with a kid's life. I have seen enuff in life to ever hurt a childhood. You are a funny guy, you love them yet you can't stand them. I know people like you :) Absolue gems at heart.
Z, the pleasure is all mine. My respect for you has grown more ever since I got to know this. I am proud to know someone like you.
Niddzzi, you rock!! You said what I wanted to say in just a few words... I need to learnt that art...It takes too many words for me to day what I want to say ;)
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