Let's screw life... ;)

I donno if I spent my last year sleepwalking or what, but then a lot happened that affected me in good and bad. The eye-opener came up today when I discussed everything with my managers for my performance rating. I got what I expected coz this time I did not expect to be among the top-contributors.I am one of those persons who believe that we can lie to the whole world, give them excuses but we can never lie to ourselves. I cannot lie to my ownself ever. Last year was full of complications in terms of my professional life, I was badly pulled into a political mud-fight in office during the start of 2008 and I knew right there that some people will definitely make sure that I go down deep into the dungeon and they did. I had to lose it all and I left my team coz I had no choice but to move on. I joined a new team and there was no good work there and soon I fell sick and typhoid clung to me so hard that it almost shook up all the foundations. Finally, I was called back to my ex-team and there were diff ground-rules that were defined this time and I had to abide by them to hold myself together in the team. I did. I lost the motivation factor but I kept smiling thru what I hated to do. :) I was always adamant that I did not want to give trainings but I did. I started giving Product trngs and soon, I got appreciations coming from every nook and corner. Okay, I did it but I did not love it. Today my managers told me, "Harshita, your biggest strength is your communication, they way you share what you know and you talk to people, you win them over and we wanted to exploit that and that is the reason that you have been giving trainings"... Soon after that, I asked myself, "Why did not I realize my worth, dammit?" Why do we never realize our own talents and strengths??...damn! Altleast I never do. My journey has been similar always, right from my skool days. My teachers discovered that I cud dance and made me dance in a skool festival. Another teacher discovered I could be a good speaker and she pushed me into public speaking in English, later a hindi teacher realized I cud do justice to Hindi too and I was the lead representative everywhere from my skool for Hindi Public Speaking events...These teachers made me believe I could do it and I kept doing it, winning and leading. I never realized I was good enough. After school, in college, my seniors discovered I could sing "My heart will go on" on stage when Celine was not available. :) I did.They discovered I could sing and they made me sing on stage year after year and I won there too. A friend discovered I could compere like no one can... and he pushed me into compering and I did excel. I never thought I wud ever be a good manager but then they made me the President of the Technical Fest and I did it. Again, I never thought I wud clear my first job exam but Inder did. She pushed me to for it and I did it. In my first job at Satyam, I never thought I cud be an excellent performer but my manager believed in me and I did it. While healing from a long sickness, I never thought I wud be able to stand up and make it but my mother believed it. And I made it. When I gave my intw for the world's biggest MNC, I did not believe I wud make it but my dad did and I made it... ;) All this makes me think, I only acted the way I cud when put in a situation, just to survive and I ask myself "Why the hell I did not know that I cud do all these things?", "Why its always others find it for me?", "Why don't I know myself so well like others do?" I mean why is it always that someone else realizes the talent in us and helps us bring it forward, why can't we just... you know... be the first person to know that?? CONFUSING!! But one thing is clear, I need to realize my potential and work towards it... today, I made a list of things I think I can do and things I think I can't do and then am gonna do everything that I think I can't do....one by one and see if I still can't do them. ;) The more people push me down, the more I get motivated to prove them wrong and today, I have decided am gonna do that this year for sure.Although I don't love what I do to earn for my bills but then, my funda is - lets do it with enthusiasm if you anyways have to do it. One thing is for sure, I have been under-estimating myself a lot all these years, its high time I get up and tell myself that its not only Survival Instinct that I have, but I have the capability to excel. I am not over-confident but I have to be confident for sure.... Today marks a new beginning for me in a new way... Lets do things you think you can't do and see the pleasure and sense of satisfaction it brings... Come on! I thought I wud never be able to sail but I did with the whales jumping here n there in Pacific Ocean... haha... I thought I wud never take escalators, I did. I thought I will jump off a plane, I did not...hehe.. I think as soon as we start overpowering the state of mind which says, "I can't do it" and replace it with "I can do it"....everything falls into place. YOU CAN DO IT, IF ONLY YOU THINK YOU CAN!! is the mantra... The era of under-estimating myself ends right here, right now. Time to gear up and shout it out aloud: "Here I come and I am nothing but the best, so people watch out". lol ;)

To put it in the best manner as Mountain Dew guys keep rubbing it on us with the punch-line :

DARR KE AAGEY, JEET HAIN!! ;)

P.S. I love PMS, it makes you think, think and think....wow!

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