For the last time, one more time.

The recent incidents have kept me glued to the television but more than that it has left a positive person like me stressed out and feeling really really low. I am such a patriot...I can't help but take it all so badly on me... :( I don't feel like seeing news channels, read papers and visit the blogs who talk abt the deadly incident..I am sorry for that but then...I am a sensitive citizen of the country... I just cannot tolerate the blood-shed and injustice done to the innocent people. I am fighting at home, crying for the people and feeling guilty. I have not slept well for past 60 hrs...I am either glued to TV or dreaming abt the mishap all this while. Once I got to know its over, I took a sigh of relief but then those funeral scenes made me so sick...that I have not eaten well and I am almost at the verge of throwing up as I type. This is may be my LAST post about this... coz nopes... I cannot stand it anymore. I never thought something would affect me so badly... I am questioning my job and my role towards my country... "Okay! I pay taxes...what else??".I feel like leaving my job and devoting myself completely to the country in some way... I am getting these so-called STRANGE IDEAS. I donno what I will do about it. Only coz I am too lazy to study long, I skipped IAS else in most of my interviews I have been told I should not WASTE myself in IT... I donno whats that supposed to mean...but then I have been told the same by many people... One of them was a DGP(J&K region)... No use thinking abt it now. I had so many plans for a 2-week leave I was about to take... Now, I donno what will I do with that time... So for the last time (maybe) I am writing about this... and I am really sorry guys, I did not read or comment on the posts related to this incident... Not that I am a coward...I just need sometime to let it all sink-in. I have stayed at Taj Hotels and this one just shook me so much that I know, it will take sometime for me to accept the loss our country and all those innocent people and families have faced... It will take time for me to accept that LIFE INDEED IS TOO SHORT... uhuh!! and PEOPLE ARE SO BRUTAL... This post is not intended to gain sympathy,advice or to depress you guys... Just that this is what am feeling right now and I can't help it. I will be back to my usual self in SOME time... I donno how long itz gonna take though... Take Care Guys... and Live it up every moment... coz life is too short to let it go un-lived and un-noticed.

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Bloody Morning

Fine. I am not a strong gal... I accept it. I woke up to the sound of gunshots today... and a distant voice talking about terrorists and people being killed... Before I could realise what it was, my feet directed me to the room where the news channel was ON. I rubbed my eyes so many times to believe what I read on the screen. 81 Dead,265 injured. Biggest Terror Attack in India. Mumbai Burning....Taj Heritage torn. OMG, for a second I felt I would collapse and fall down on the ground. I started crying for no reason. May be hormones or the sensitive side of me, I just could not imagine THIS happening to MY people, MY country...but yeah! I can't even imagine any other part of the world to undergo what we have been going thru since last nite. Foolish me! I did not bother to watch TV last nite so the morning news were such a shock for me. I will not say much, just that... I am tired of being woken up like that....Shit!! Sometimes I feel, I could just go there and kill those guys... I so very want to work towards this. Its Okay! You can call me an extremist... Call me that. I have had enuff of the bloodshed. Enuff is enuff. We lost our best officers, innocent people,small kids and to top it all the peace of our mind coz of these bunch of morons...who want to rule the world with guns and grenades... Damn you guys!! Are you guys gonna live forever?? Your greed will lead you to hell. I am not a muslim but I have frenz who are and they tell me sacred QURAN does not talk about killing people....It does not. No one wants this blood-shed... Guys! you are sick in mind... I feel so helpless and weak right now... Shit! and people told me "YOU ARE STRONG"... WTF... I feel so inhuman looking at those pictures and waiting for people to be killed.... I have always been the one for PEACE but today THEY have broken all boundaries of my tolerance and I also go in with the EXTREMISTS...who believe in tit for tat. Hang them... Abuse them...do watever... But Please Stop this... I am not strong enuff to see this... One day it would be me...but as they say about Punjabis in battle-field... When I die, I will take a few alongwith me for sure... Wish I could really do something abt it... I am pissed with myself... I am sitting here in the comfort of my home...typing this....and cursing and cribbing... Can't write more.... I pray for the families and people who have died and the people who are still caught in there... And you Mother-fuckers...you call urself Jehadis... You will burn in hell, devils...!!

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One more PERVERT, One more VICTIM

I donno what state of mind am I in. I really can't make it out. Am I upset?? Am I ashamed?? Am I hurt?? Am I disgusted?? Donno!
It was yet another evening today when I went for my walk and something happened that made me feel so disgusted that I bathed myself until I felt cleaned up of someone's hands. Yuck!!

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Yipee! Monday and Bow-Wow Tuesday ;)

It has been a roller-coster ride of a sort.Last few days have drained me off energy for sure. Monday started on a beautiful note and all I could see in my mailbox was appreciation mails from the higher-ups, clients and Business Partners for my training sessions. Okay, that brought a smile to my face, a genuine one coz I needed this boost for sure.With current recession thing ON, the overall mood around me is not good. Our team has not much work that makes sense apart from the trainings that I am delivering and few projects here and there as we are the most expensive team in our organization to afford and no one is ready to pay that price. I know lay-offs are inevitable and the redundacy of the resources in our team can lead to either closing down of the team or maybe some of us will be shown the door. Haven't thought much about it though but yeah! it crossed my mind for sure. But, anyways the mails were a breather and now even my wicked manager knows that the company does not pay me for nothing and I do put my hard work into it all ;) Tuesday was full of sessions and as I went for my evening walk, someone shouted from the back, "Your dog! Your dog!". I turned around to see a scared neighbour... "Your dog, the white one, is out of the house.". "WTF", was my instant reaction. Happy Singh made his way thru the big rails outside the house again, coz someone yet again forgot to lock the door. Damn! There were 7-8 dogs stray dogs outside and stupid HIM, he ran into the group and they would have killed him if not for me and the small kid who stays next to our house(his name is Honey and he adores Happy like anything). Honey ran after Happy and he tried calling out to him and I was doing the same. German Spitz is one breed, my doc says that never listens to the owner or anyone for that matter when they don't want to. They are their own masters. Huh! He ran almost a km in the colony compound and came back again chasing a dog. I ran after him(HE RUNS SO DAMN FAST). Honey and me, almost caught him when he snarled back when I was trying to put his leash on, he bit me on my right hand until I left him alone and Shit! a car almost ran him over as he moved more towards the main road, I had to step-in (Chaa was so furious I risked my life for him) and I almost escaped getting hit by the car. I knew "Either my dog will die right there or else I can save him no matter what". I leashed him tightly and he bit me on my left hand badly during the process. Thankfully more of the bites were superficial except the one on the left hand. It got my hand drenched in blood. Anyways, once back, he was given a nice lecture and thrashing by Chaa and me too. I was given this big lecture on why I shud have left him alone and let him be. "If he had to die under a car, he would have. Why the hell did you risk it for him?", Chaa shouted at me."I am sorry but I have raised him like a baby, I love him and I just can never let him go away coz of my mistake", I said in pain. Finally I got my tetanus shot, fixed an appointment with the pets' vet to get details of their vaccination. Crap! That Tetanus thing hurts a lot. I am no scared of injections but this one hurts much after it is given. Wednesday, we got the confirmation that both Happy and Rustam are properly vaccinated so my doctor asked me not to go for any further vaccination. Thank God! Last nite while walking, I was wondering what a day it was. Full of action !! Did I say in my last few posts that lifez not happening...lol Well it is!! For sure, it is... I love my life, it is always spiced up...ha ha ha Now when I write about this, I have a smile on my face and I am shaking my head in agreement to the fact that life indeed is adventurous for me. I am glad I saved my darling, Happy Singh. Although, we are not chatting up for past 2 days as hez trying to be normal and I am trying to act as if he has hurt me a lot...he he he... I can't help it though, he is looking at me with his twinkling eyes through the door.I so love him. :) Pics :http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/barking_cartoon_dog.JPG http://static.seekingalpha.com/uploads/2008/7/17/saupload_yipee.jpg

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You write Shit...You are so boring

Thatz what Bhai(my brother) told me today ;) I simply love him to death. He is my best critic...
And I completely agree... I do.. Sadly, I am not one of those good bloggers who have a new story and a new something to talk about. I don't expect people to expect good posts from me.
I am a self-confessed boring blogger. :) I am turning into a plain and simple cliche...and a predictable cliche for that matter. I can blame PMS or even the pressures at work.

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Weekend : Movies and Magic

This weekend has been all about movies and lazying around with some work at home.I have been waiting for a long time to watch 2 movies I wanted to see but missed on. Both of them are HINDI movies : KIDNAP and EK VIVAH AISA BHI(EVAB). I am the one for dark-romances and simple love stories both :) and these movies are exactly opposite to each other in that sense. EVAB is a story of a man and a woman who are deeply in love and about to get married. The gal's father dies on her engagement day and she decides not to get married(as then she would have to move to her husband's house and stay with his family) until she fulfils her responsibilites towards her house by raising her kid brother and sister. She voices her decision to her fiancee and asks him to get married as she could not commit on the time she would take to come back to him. Inspite of leaving her alone with that, he asks her for her permission to wait for her until she fulfils all her comittments to her family.

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FASHION-able Lives

A lot has been written about the movie FASHION... but I saw it today and I realized how similar my life is to the movie...infact every life is... I would say we all have a FASHION-able life somewhere. Naah! Naah!...Main Super model kya? Model woman bhi nahi!! ;) (leave being a supermodel, am not even a model woman) The similarity is that like every average person, I have seen the downs(I must mention the deep shit one can ever see) in my life and there were times when I knew I just could not do it anymore. After an emotional and physical setback, when I tried standing up again to face the world. I did fall down many a times but then, there have been people who have been there for me to tell me... "Gal! We are not going to pick you up, Get up and Go get them" :) My best friends Archi and Ashish along with Inder stood by me thru these times. I could see then in Janet,Rohit,Rahul and Shonali :)This is so true, no matter what...if you have good frenz by your side, you can win the world. I stumbled too...failed interviews coz I lost my self-cofidence...failed in meetings...and then came the time when everything changed...I do fall many a times even now but then...I get up... jhaaodfy myself, look up...and tell myself "Ho gaya bas!! Ab chaley kaam pey" :"Is that enuff!!..lets get back to work" :) I love watching such movies where people bounce back from the dead...Gives me a high! There were times when people looked at me and said,"Boy! She is finished, you think she'll survive this?"... ha ha haDamn! I don't blame these people, coz even I asked myself, "Will I survive this?" and for days I could not hear any reply but I hung up there holding on to faith... Therez nothing that can beat FAITH, I tell you. Seriously, Itz an amazing life...when you are caught in the down times, you think you'll never come out and when you are out and shining...you look back and say,"Ah! That was ME". Such experiences move you closer to life...and they add to the spice, adventure and fun that life is all about. Call me a die-hard optimist or anything...but I do believe that no matter what hits you... YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS IT IN YOU TO BOUNCE BACK AND SHINE AGAIN :)

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Jhappiyaan da season- Season of HUGS

With the winter season in the offing, Jhappi(Hug) is IN ;)
We the Punjabis, believe in Jhappiyaan (Hugs) and what better time than winters...and a warm hug lives upto its name...here ;)
Somebody sent me an sms few days back :
Hugs are fat free, sugar free and still are the sweetest.Hugs reduce blood pressure and help relieve depression and stress.

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Story of Broken Bones and A Housewife Who Is Not.

Thanks to our maid, I am a full-time maid now. The last time I worked like one was, when I stayed alone for 6 yrs. I am so used to this work now that the first thing that comes to my mind when I get up is,"Hmm... I think I will wash the utensils first and then go ahead with the cleaning." I am using my lunch breaks to finish up the work at home and it is so funny. :)

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Surprise Busted!!

I donno how many times it has happened to people but with me itz something that is bound to happen.
Whenever I plan to surprise people, it goes down in the dumps somehow and I end up laughing at myself and the situation. :)
This year, I planned a surprise on Mom's birthday and to avoid a mess I bought her gifts from 2 different online gifts services. Guess wat? The flowers and cake was delivered two days before her birthday at our place (Thankfully, she was not home by that time) and I had to literally shoo the delivery guys away before she turned up. :)

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All that a day is made of

If the weekend was not enough, Monday brought itz share of workload. Sunday,our maid did not turn up again so we distributed the work amongst ourselves... Mom,Dad and Ankit did the washing of clothes part while I did the cleaning of the house and kitchen.
After all this work I was too tired for anything but had to cook lunch for myself and Honey so we decide on Chinese food and I cooked some Punjabi-style Chinese stuff. :)

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Worthy of Love

Am I worth it? How many times do we ask ourselves the same question? Atleast I do. I read somewhere that we women tend to always question the love,luck and opportunities coming our way but later I met men who feel the same too. "It is a human thing", as my friend Anurag puts it. We ended up discussing about it. He was asking me why I never let anyone break that fence around me and give a chance to my life too. I was speechless, I didn't know what to say. He is right. Itz with all of us to an extent. We doubt, We question and We suspect the happiness and love coming to us. Everyone has his/her own reasons. Some of us are committment-phobic and don't want to give ourselves a chance to explore THAT side of love, the side that spells 'serious' and long-term. Some of us are simply affected by our pasts and we tend to feel, "coz someone in my past hurt me, I would never let anyone break those boundary walls and enter my comfort zone"... we are scared to fail at relationships and to get hurt again. Some of us have no reason but are scared to cause hurt to people in a relationship coz we believe that we are not made for relationships. Some of us have an inferiority complex of a sort coz of the way we have been looked at by people around us for reasons like our financial status,physical appearance etc. No matter what the reason is, we refuse to believe, "Yeah! I am worthy of the love thats coming my way". I wonder, just for once if I could tell myself, "Gal, you are worthy of whats coming your way", things would have been different. I am not scared of any past in my life...coz I have none... except for some failed friendships... . Its just that at times I feel morally obligated to the people who love me and I don't intend to hurt them even if I dont reciprocate their feelings deep inside. I find my crazy ways to escape proposals and love coming my way. Finally one day, I realized the more I run away from love, the more it keeps coming to me. I made up imaginary boyfrenz so I could politely let the interested party know that "Boy, am engaged". At times, I simply ran away from people and situations like these. I at times believe, I cannot handle the responsibilties and expectations love brings along with it. I am a sucker for romance, no doubt. But when it comes to ME, I simply push the love away from me... Questions like, "If nothing materialises"..."What if one day I realise I never actually loved this guy?".... "What if I get into a serious mode and he breaks up?"...."What if we end up together at the end of all this, Will I be able to commit?"... "What if I do not actually fall in love with this guy?" come to my mind. I am a happy person with lots of relationships in my life...of family and friends...but I donno... Somewhere I feel, the day I would say ,"Yes". It would be someone special...May be thats the reason I am still hounded by questions...May be things will change altogether when IT IS LOVE. There are people who know THIS side of me and they cope up with me on this but then... I am not the only one... I have met so many guys and gals who go thru the same, just like me. When people ask me,"Ah! So you are single?"...I really don't mind that but what Anurag told me...made me think about it... Our discussion really made me discover that unintentionally I was not giving a chance to my life...to love and to a whole new experience. All I have on my mind always is my family...and frankly I never thought beyond them...and I donno if even now, I will be able to think beyond them but yes, may be I will give my life...and myself a chance. :) Phoenix, my blogger-pal also voiced something similar abt me ...and yeah! I agree that I have been so engrossed in my own world that I never realised that when love actually knocked badly at my doors,I simply closed the door right on its face... :) May be that was not the right time...and may be... watever! I know one thing from now onwards...am worth it for sure... I don't need to fight it anymore... I am worthy of love too... despite the way I look, the way I am and the way I will be in a relationship :) I feel lighter and again, more happier today...coz I have grown a step further now. To everyone reading me who at some point do think this way: Let us always believe that we are worthy of happiness and love every day..every way. :) Lifez gonna be beautiful.

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Saturday : Lazy Lamhe

Saturdays are so wonderful. Lazy..Slow...and full of fun. :) Mine started on a beautiful note woth phone calls flowing in.I used to be a phone-person some 3 years back but now I prefer to talk less over the phone. I am not the ones who wud chat up for hours and hours with frenz everyday. Now, it is usually an ocassional call that extends to half-an-hour. In the morning, my college friend called me and it was so great talking to him. We are somewhat what they call it, spiritually close...no matter if we talk after months, we love each other immensely. He is one of those people who makes me smile on a bad day with his witty one-liners and one of those very few people who dont talk marriage and weight with me. So, it was indeed a pleasure to hear from him. He is all abt positive aura. I love such people. Later in the morning I got a call from my cousin and it was great to know that he is happily married. :) Another reason to share a smile here. Then, followed another call from the neighbourhood about our maid. She decided to stay home today so all the work had to be taken care of by me. What a Saturday! I started by washing utensils and cleaning up the kitchen. Took almost 3 hrs. Ankit took care of the rest of the cleaning in the house. He brought me DHOKLA, I love it and both of us munched on it after a long work-hour :) It was worth it. And here I am lazily watching my favourite TV series videos and posting this. Hope Sunday brings in some energetic stuff. Else, I don't mind laid-back and lazy days when I can just indulge in some good books,music and episodics.

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