Worthy of Love

Am I worth it? How many times do we ask ourselves the same question? Atleast I do. I read somewhere that we women tend to always question the love,luck and opportunities coming our way but later I met men who feel the same too. "It is a human thing", as my friend Anurag puts it. We ended up discussing about it. He was asking me why I never let anyone break that fence around me and give a chance to my life too. I was speechless, I didn't know what to say. He is right. Itz with all of us to an extent. We doubt, We question and We suspect the happiness and love coming to us. Everyone has his/her own reasons. Some of us are committment-phobic and don't want to give ourselves a chance to explore THAT side of love, the side that spells 'serious' and long-term. Some of us are simply affected by our pasts and we tend to feel, "coz someone in my past hurt me, I would never let anyone break those boundary walls and enter my comfort zone"... we are scared to fail at relationships and to get hurt again. Some of us have no reason but are scared to cause hurt to people in a relationship coz we believe that we are not made for relationships. Some of us have an inferiority complex of a sort coz of the way we have been looked at by people around us for reasons like our financial status,physical appearance etc. No matter what the reason is, we refuse to believe, "Yeah! I am worthy of the love thats coming my way". I wonder, just for once if I could tell myself, "Gal, you are worthy of whats coming your way", things would have been different. I am not scared of any past in my life...coz I have none... except for some failed friendships... . Its just that at times I feel morally obligated to the people who love me and I don't intend to hurt them even if I dont reciprocate their feelings deep inside. I find my crazy ways to escape proposals and love coming my way. Finally one day, I realized the more I run away from love, the more it keeps coming to me. I made up imaginary boyfrenz so I could politely let the interested party know that "Boy, am engaged". At times, I simply ran away from people and situations like these. I at times believe, I cannot handle the responsibilties and expectations love brings along with it. I am a sucker for romance, no doubt. But when it comes to ME, I simply push the love away from me... Questions like, "If nothing materialises"..."What if one day I realise I never actually loved this guy?".... "What if I get into a serious mode and he breaks up?"...."What if we end up together at the end of all this, Will I be able to commit?"... "What if I do not actually fall in love with this guy?" come to my mind. I am a happy person with lots of relationships in my life...of family and friends...but I donno... Somewhere I feel, the day I would say ,"Yes". It would be someone special...May be thats the reason I am still hounded by questions...May be things will change altogether when IT IS LOVE. There are people who know THIS side of me and they cope up with me on this but then... I am not the only one... I have met so many guys and gals who go thru the same, just like me. When people ask me,"Ah! So you are single?"...I really don't mind that but what Anurag told me...made me think about it... Our discussion really made me discover that unintentionally I was not giving a chance to my life...to love and to a whole new experience. All I have on my mind always is my family...and frankly I never thought beyond them...and I donno if even now, I will be able to think beyond them but yes, may be I will give my life...and myself a chance. :) Phoenix, my blogger-pal also voiced something similar abt me ...and yeah! I agree that I have been so engrossed in my own world that I never realised that when love actually knocked badly at my doors,I simply closed the door right on its face... :) May be that was not the right time...and may be... watever! I know one thing from now onwards...am worth it for sure... I don't need to fight it anymore... I am worthy of love too... despite the way I look, the way I am and the way I will be in a relationship :) I feel lighter and again, more happier today...coz I have grown a step further now.

To everyone reading me who at some point do think this way: Let us always believe that we are worthy of happiness and love every day..every way. :) Lifez gonna be beautiful.