Expression is all that it takes...

With not much to do today as I am still on leave, I decided to read thru my favourite blogs and I stumbled upon a post that made me think.I am anyways, a BIG thinker and I don't need any triggers to do that... :)

Still, Nidhi's post(http://nidhimangal.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-wonder.html) made me write THIS post.

She has asked many questions abt why people end up neglecting someone who is suffering for a long time, why they end up reducing their 100% dedication to lowers as days pass, why do we need a Valentine's day to express love,why do we long for the gone,why do we realise someone's worth only once they are no more in our lives...

When I first read the post, I was so taken aback with the flow of questions but she made me think...and I promised her that I am gonna post my thoughts abt her post on my blog... :)

I have been lying low with typhoid and fever for a month now and I have started being such a sorry creature offlate...I expect everyone in the house to think abt me, ask me how am I feeling, take care of my room, my food and all that I want. I am sure many of us do the same when they are sick for a long time, I am acting really spoilt within. ;)

Sometimes we end up feeling neglected by people who matter the most to us...Everybody has a reason of their own...I believe that sometime when in sickness or pain we create a comfort zone around us where we end up stuck in the lows and all we demand is attention, love and care. And to come out of it, all we need is to know tht someone is thr but WE HAVE TO DO IT ALONE.

My dad has always left me alone to fight in the middle of a problem ( he is not my enemy, itz just tht he wants me to take charge) and I always came out shining. I have written abt it in my blog many a times.He did the same to make me feel stonger and independent.Whenever I touched a low in my life, he pushed me harder. Let it be my job,health, personal life...anything!! I am proud of the way I am brought up, coz he never made me use someone as a crutch to get up when I fell.

But you knw wat? I silently always wanted him to hug me and tell me,"Its gonna be alrite baby, I am there naa"...he never does that....itz just HIM :) and I am fine with that now...and now I understand that he does love me but then he does not express as he wants me to be ME. ;) That's wat loved ones are for, not only to catch us when we we fall but to let us know that there will be times when you fall and no-one will be there but YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT.

I agree with the blogger that we need no day to celebrate love but then we need no day to celebrate our existence too... ;) Why do we have Birthday celebrations!! I think we all want so much from life that we end up dedicating days to each important celebration in our life which are purely meant for celebration,love,expression and affection to make up for all that we lose in our daily run for existence.

As for the question about expression,I myself wonder, why I cannot tell someone I love the most that I love them. Funny thing, I end up telling most of the people that I love them, when I really don't and those whom I love the most, I can't tell....Words simply cease to come out of my mouth...I just can't express be it my family or friends...I have been mistaken a lot but then, I donno how to fix it? So when one says that they cannot express, I can understand.

The best thing Nidhi mentioned in her post is abt we realising someone's worth when he/she is gone...Yeah! Me too wonder what typical human nature it is...But if you have all that you need why wud you miss it...Simple...Once gone, we realise what it was...We have such a tendency to take things for granted.... :(

As for the hostel thing that she talked abt, I had the same feeling when I used to come back frm hostel. I was the princess for the first few days and later it was all routine. Typically us. We take each other for granted a lot...

It wud have been so great if someday I am engrossed in work at home and Dad comes and hugs me and tells me,"Am so proud of you gal" or if I cud someday go and hug Sunny and tell him"Bhai, no matter how much we fight, I love noone as much as I love you" or if Mom comes, kisses me on the forehead and tells me ," Don't worry baby, itz just typhoid. I am there naa!!" or if I cud just tell Mom and Dad that all my life I have done every single thing to make them feel proud of me, to make them feel I love them and the family, like I love noone.

But..But...I can't....And all this cannot happen atleast in this life...I cannot express, so can't they...Itz just not what we do amongst us...ME,I think coz I am raised amongst 3 guys so I have also learnt that to express is not MACHO...he he... in my case not GOOD. So we let our actions speak...we do simple things for each other (without letting the other know at times) to make him/her feel special...

I wish we cud just simply tell each other how we felt...All of us...But we the humans have barriers of fears...fears of rejection, vulnerability and being hurt and we end up lying and hiding our feelings most of our lives...

I think itz just that WE LOVE but WE DON'T EXPRESS... Life wud have been easier if we knew how to break these barriers and no one wud have had to write a post wondering WHY?

I hope this in some way expresses my opinion abt what was there in her post... My Congratulations to you Nidhi, for posting such a beautiful thought. :)