Mumbai Diaries - Men, Tears, Smiles and Courage.

For those of you who read my last post, I know you guys are worried about me. Well, so am I. It has been a really tough week...I am tired of coughing, sneezing and the struggle to breathe. I am still on my way to recovery.Thanks for your wishes.

Gals, this one is for you. 

We all have met men in our lives...men who love us, men who cherish us, men who thrash us, men who help us rise, men who make us fall flat on our face. They come as friends, family, lovers, colleagues, bosses, strangers etc... Sometimes they leave a lesson behind and sometimes a scar.

This is not about the week...This is not about my duration of stay here. This is all-in-a-day's work.

I am pretty sick, guys. I miss home, I sulk in bed and amidst all this, I wait for my friend,who believes we are not friends...to come and give me hope...Hope that I will be okay soon. In a city where I donno many people, I trust him. Today, when I was crying my heart out in front of him, struggling to look into his eyes...to see if he feels my pain...I realized, I mean nothing to him... It was a void, a thud in the heart...or rather as if someone just pierced a knife right through my heart.

He is the man who makes me think so lowly of me... I feel guilty for I cannot make him smile, I cannot fix his life...I know I can never. I know he is going through pain...but my life has not been easy either.I have had my share of bad falls...falls I don't want him to know of... I don't think he wants to know.... Everyday I try and do things to make him feel life is wonderful, it is indeed beautiful... I fail miserably...coz no matter what I do... he does not trust me.. he does not believe that I am here to stay... It is a sheer feeling of helplessness...

I expected him to hold my hand today, give me a hug and tell me that he trusts me.. and he knows that I need him ... that he cherishes our friendship and accepts the fact that am fragile n sick n I have my share of mood swings which will pass soon.... Wish, he could have just hugged me and told me that he is not upset with me... he is there for me.. BUT, all I got from him is silent treatment and then he stood up after an hour and walked out....without asking me to stop crying...without telling me that he will fix everything...I cried more...n more...n more...cried till my tears almost dried.

I was busy staring out of the window, tears rolling down my cheeks...when another friend, let's call him X, pinged me... X asked me to call him... we talked about his dreams, my dreams.. my life, my aspirations, my strengths, my weakness...things I should do... 

X told me things no-one told me in the past 27 yrs....things I wanted to hear from someone someday... He told me how he believes in my talent, in me, in my capabilities as a person and how people need me..how I can make a difference in this country, in people's lives... I was amazed coz here was this man who made me cry and suffer, whom I cared about...but he did not... and then there was X, he believed in me, more than me... He motivated me to dream big, do big... 

All thesesyears, all the guys I have met.. family, friends, co-workers...always told me that I was good for nothing... but this guy made me believe in myself... I mean who does that for anyone.

As I type this post, I look at the contradiction between two people..both friends...both guys.. One, who gave me tears and another, who wiped my tears, made me smile and who inspired me...

Weird naa!! Aisey hi life mein, we meet all sorts of people.. Some pull us down...No matter how much you do, give and dedicate to that friendship, it is never enough...and Some people take us to new heights..

In a day, I discovered two friendships...one that left me broken and another that made me recollect myself and walk with confidence. Such is life.

Point is : Life is too short... Stop feeling guilty for failed relationships. We women are not the only one responsible for failed friendships and relationships....both the people involved are equally to be blamed... You give-in your best and move ahead. 

For every man who makes you cry, there is a man who'll wipe your tears and make you believe in life again...but don't wait for a man to come and do it for you... Take charge!! Be your own person and kick life's ass and keep that chin up and walk on!! :D You rock!! \m/

Love ya!