What's your choice?
Life is all about the choices we make. Sometimes the choice is between the people we love and our dreams. Sometimes the choice is between the health of a loved one and our work commitments.
Struggling to balance both. Sometimes we falter, Sometimes we succeed. Standing at the crossroads, wondering which way to take.
My people (the ones I love) are more important than my work and dreams. I let my heart rule my head and most of the times I am glad I do that...when it is for the right people.But I do feel sad when I see others ignoring their people just for the sake of making a little more money or getting another promotion.
Everyone is entitled to live 'their' life. But if our earlier generations thought more about themselves, and lesser about us...we would have been a worse lot, probably a little more ruined in terms of values and life.
What would you choose? Your dreams or The ones you love? Is a dream bigger than the people who stood by you when no-one did?
It is like you are pulled in opposite directions...Head says yay! Heart says nay!
Labels:
Itz my life
Flush of thoughts - 11.12.2011 - You need me?
Sometimes we start defining ourselves on the basis of how much others need us. THAT is one mistake I end up committing quiet a few times. I think it is kind of a cycle, you flatter yourself thinking that YOU are the one who is responsible for solving everyone's problems and take up all their issues as your own, you do your job and then you get used to being needed by them...and when people no more need you, you feel lost.
I guess I have this keeda in me coz I have been the eldest of the lot always...and I jump at every opportunity to 'help' people. I have suffered enough coz of that, but still can't understand THIS side of me (of course there are too many other things I have no clue abt when it comes to me, but this is one of those many many things).
Does it happen to you? Do you feel responsible for other people in your life? Do you start defining yourself on the basis of how much the other person needs your help? It is weird, but 'responsibility ruins you' at times!!
I did not notice this, until someone else pointed it out for me...Initially I kept ignoring this..but it is funny how in this whole 'Let's help others' thing, I forgot that 'I' define me, the degree of being needed by others, does not.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaing!! :P
Khair! Mast raho, Dilchasp raho ;)
Labels:
Influences,
Itz my life,
Women
Flush of thoughts - 07.12.2011
Sometimes while I am too busy contemplating about life (Knowing me, you would know THAT is my favorite pastime -- > THINKING!! :P), I wonder how at times I am too rigid with some people and too flexible with some. Some people I would never forgive...and some I would just forgive in a second for biggest of mistakes.
I think it is more to do with expectations. There are people we open our souls to, and when they turn their backs, we suffer from a major letdown and there is no room for forgiveness or going back to how it was. On the flip side, there are some people we have zero expectations from and when they disappoint us, it is so irrelevant that it goes un-noticed.
Ofcourse, I detest this whole business of "Don't expect"... coz humans are designed the way they are. Those who say they never expect from the people they are close to, are lying (to others or to themselves). There is always some corner of your heart that expects...
I think it may be quiet generic if we look closer. The deepest scars are caused by the people we are closest to...Isn't it? Although, I wish for more tolerance and patience to forgive and forget, coz at the end of it all, it only sets one free.
Mast raho, Dilchasp raho!! ;)
Note : I have planned to write under this title when my post is just about thoughts in my head.
Labels:
Itz my life
What a Dirty picture!!
Like most of us, I was not aware of Silk too much until the "Dirty Picture" talk happened and I was not aware of the extent of a certain Ms. Balan's conviction even...
I am a Vidya Balan fan... more so coz I have always been on the underdog's side . That is just me. I found her sultry even in Parineeta, the innocence and raw sex appeal is so evident when she "marries" Saif in the movie.
She has been written off so many times, because she could not give them enough 'glamor' and could not promote international designers on the red carpet like other current heroines (I won't bother calling them actors, coz most of them are not). But she stood her ground and brought the curvy Indian woman back to Hindi movies.
She was oozing sensuality in "Ishqiya" sans make-up, wearing seedha-pallus all through the movies. She is one of those very few women, who don't need to have washboard abs to be accepted by the masses.
and.. who would have the guts to show-off a paunch so uninhibitedly .. I think no Kareena Kapoor or Deepika would do it, for that matter... Being a woman, and important to mention here : a heterosexual woman :P , I was so proud of the way she gave her all to this movie. Her in-ur face brutal honesty as an actress is beyond words in this movie.
This movie introduced us to a super-confident and comfortable-in-her-own-skin Vidya...Also, the most amazing part of the movie is when Silk decides to end her life... you don't feel sorry for her then... coz you know that her silence is screaming it aloud "Dear world, you don't deserve me anymore. Hence, I devoid you of my charisma, my beauty and my zeal to live. I am not dying, I am snatching myself away from you"
Thank you, Vidya Balan.. for bringing the Indian woman and most importantly Silk back...in our movies, in our lives :)
I recommend this movie for every woman...you will feel more proud and beautiful about being a woman. It is no way derogatory to any woman, it just shows the fearless and reckless spirit of a woman who went against all odds to claim what was hers...while people were busy pulling her down.
Mast Raho, Dilchasp Raho!
Labels:
Influences,
Ironically speaking,
Itz my life,
Movies,
Women
Happiness = 'Pick and Choose'
Yep! that's true. We have tonnes of happiness around us. It is like that "Pick and Choose" thing we did in school, you choose what you want to, from this basket of life. Sounds crazy?? Think about it.
Sometimes I feel we are all selling ourselves to an audience. Of course, we all have a not-so-happening life, a bag full of sad
stories and some interesting set of people to hear us share our agony.
A couple of months back while I was comfortably rowing my 'boat of sadness', I had that sudden moment of realization. What did I become? I looked at happy people around me and started envying them secretly. I started thinking "Wow! so everyone has an awesome life except me. She is getting married. He got a promotion. Blah! Blah! has all the happiness". It feels so stupid right now.
A friend-turned-foe-turned-friend once told me "When you stop taking charge of your life, God hits you so hard that you have no choice but to TAKE CHARGE and fix it". She always said "Don't wait for that moment. It will get nasty by then. Fix it NOW" and I waited... I never seem to listen to people, though I THINK I listen to them.What I learnt in past 28 years of my life is : unless YOU want to do something about your present, no amount of pursuing is going to help.
If we look closer, nothing is amiss. Why do we want to be happy ONLY about things in our lives? I mean, why can't we be happy coz let's say one of our friends got a promotion, someone we adore is going the family way or just coz our loved ones are happy. I donno when "happiness" turned into this selfish bitch. Why are we so stuck up on MY happiness, MY smile, MY promotion, MY love-life, MY kids? Last I heard, happiness was meant to be shared. Well, *shrugs* guess the world has changed.
That makes me wonder, if my mom thought about HER happiness, I would not have been here. Of course, that would have been good for some of you people in my life, for whom I am nothing but TROUBLE ;)... but again, I think we made happiness and sadness too important and selfish in this whole process of growing up.
Your best friend is pregnant? be happy.. what if, you are still fighting
out with your husband ;) Your sibling graduated? be happy.. what if, you are
still struggling at your job... It rained? be happy... what if u forgot
your umbrella at home.. It is just about what you "Pick and Choose", in theory and in practice.
I am not countering the "Happiness is inside you" thing, but all that I am saying is you gotta choose. That's it. Be it a relationship or a job, don't overlook the happy stuff for the sad one. Coz, what makes life wonderful is the fact that it is NOT perfect.
Mast raho, Dilchasp raho!
Age ain't nothing but a number.
I religiously follow "Master Chef Australia" on Star World ever-since this fever came to India, to an extent that I rescheduled meetings at work to watch the Finale between Michael and Kate.
Of course, Kate came out as a winner and that brought back the old saying once again, "Age ain't nothing but a number".
Being as idle as I am to "THINK", I think women are no longer confined by age anymore. The other day, while discussing about the plump-lips Nargis Fakhri, I almost screamed in shock when my friend mentioned she is 32 yrs of age. How? :O I always thought she is 18-19 yrs old...Anyways, it is not just about looking good. It is about taking charge of your life and not letting the usual consequences of age affect your life. There are many women in the glamor industry who are way beyond 35yrs of age and look ravishing.
Similarly, we have so many successful women, from our daily walks of life. Industrialists, CEO s, Finance Officers, Chefs, Entrepreneurs... and the list goes on.
I know so many women who started their career at the age of 40-45 and the are doing pretty well. I will be 30, in another 1.5 years and for a change, I am way more excited than scared about it.
The only thing I have against the universe is why wen Age is just a number, 'Weight' is still THE number?? :P
But then, some things never change...Ummm... ;)
Of course, Kate came out as a winner and that brought back the old saying once again, "Age ain't nothing but a number".
Being as idle as I am to "THINK", I think women are no longer confined by age anymore. The other day, while discussing about the plump-lips Nargis Fakhri, I almost screamed in shock when my friend mentioned she is 32 yrs of age. How? :O I always thought she is 18-19 yrs old...Anyways, it is not just about looking good. It is about taking charge of your life and not letting the usual consequences of age affect your life. There are many women in the glamor industry who are way beyond 35yrs of age and look ravishing.
Similarly, we have so many successful women, from our daily walks of life. Industrialists, CEO s, Finance Officers, Chefs, Entrepreneurs... and the list goes on.
I know so many women who started their career at the age of 40-45 and the are doing pretty well. I will be 30, in another 1.5 years and for a change, I am way more excited than scared about it.
The only thing I have against the universe is why wen Age is just a number, 'Weight' is still THE number?? :P
But then, some things never change...Ummm... ;)
"Come on, you are not a kid anymore"
"I want to be a kid again. I wish I never grew up. Life is so tough, these days. Too much work. Stress. Relationships. I am so tired"
Ever said that? Ever heard someone saying that to you?I guess we all have been there now and then, but if you look closer it all seems so ironical. Not that I have not been this person.. Not that I have never felt this way. I visit this place often, but then I don't prefer staying there for long. Why should I? Why should we?
Who stopped you from being a kid? Be one. Just coz a couple of people think that a mature adult should behave in this particular way to be counted as a sophisticated person, it does not mean we lose our spark and become just one of them....one of those people, who stand in a corner and make rules for the rest of us and we blindly walk on these pre-decided paths.
Nobody is going to come and walk you through your tough times, then why bother about how they see you?
It is fun to be a kid. Tried dancing in your empty office, when you are first one to reach. Tried singing ur way thru to the security check queues at the airports. Try licking at that last drop of "Minute Maid" in the bottle, tried laughing ur heart out wen u accidentally trip on the floor.. I did.. and trust me! no one gives a damn... and even if they do.. Do you?
Get that kid back in the picture coz you will never get "tired" of being one.
Mast raho, Dilchasp raho!
Money vs Smile
Being forced by my work to travel across the world, I come across people from different areas of life, but there is one thing which is common in almost all cultures and people these days : They don't smile anymore, not as often they earlier did.
I wonder what brought about this change. Was it gradual? Is it something that happened all of a sudden?
This "I don't smile anymore" syndrome is more common in the RICH or the so-called "almost-there Superclass". Be it at the airports, in the plane, at supposedly expensive restaurants, hotels, designer showrooms or even in meetings... People present themselves as those overly-engrossed serious creatures who believe that smiling at someone is just so passe` and burying themselves in their blackberry phones and iPads is oh-so-posh.
I find it so funny...it is like an epidemic. In this constant race of finding ourselves, earning more money or attaining that overrated "peace of mind", we lose every bit of us and our minds.
Sometimes I feel like walking up to these people and telling them "Take it easy. Aisi ko aafat ni hain life mein. Nobody is going to steal anything from you if you smile at them. Aur fir muskurane pe koi tax thodey hi lagta hain"
Anyways, I hope some day people realize what they are losing on, in this stupid race of being a little more rich, a little more 'there'.
My dear Richie-Richs and the trying-to-be-richs, Money is supposed to make you happy, No? Then why so sad? :P
Smile! coz it's okay to smile ;)
and I guess I am back...
and we will sail through bayhbie :)
Sometimes it is not only about you. It is also about the people who believed in you, who have been there for you when no one was. Sometimes you have to keep your emotions and vulnerability aside to keep the faith intact and to stay honest to the ones who have been honest to you.
One of those times for me.
Dad not well. Bro struggling with his Epilepsy. Yesterday, was a bad day. I am sure things will look-up soon.
But I am done forgiving people, I am done giving chances...I am done trying to prove myself time and again. Not anymore.
This time when love or friendship comes calling, it has to be about 'ME' and not about anyone else.
I am not going to look back and commit the same mistakes again, coz after a while there is no turning back. I have come too far to look back now... I want to look ahead, I am looking ahead :)
People who never understood me, will never understand and I am not looking for any approvals anymore. I think I will just keep walking and stop letting anyone decide for me.
Need your prayers to achieve my dreams and to make sure that people I love are happy and healthy.
So, today keep me in your prayers...do me this favor :) Happy Monday to you guys!!
Labels:
Itz my life,
Reflections,
Relationships
Do not stand at my grave and weep...
I have just started reading a book 'Things I want my daughters to know' by Elizabeth Noble.
The preface has this wonderful poem by the mother to her daughters, to be read on her funeral.
If you are my friend and reading this, no matter if we are talking THEN or not. Make sure you read me this poem wen I am gone...haan! haan! abhi mere paas bahut time hain...Fikar not!
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond light on snow
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gently falling autumn rain
When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplighting rush
Of quiet birds and in circling flight
I am the soft starlight at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.
Remember me in good things people... :)
Labels:
Itz my life,
Reflections
Baby! Kyunki yeh Zindagi na milegi dobara.
I met someone yesterday. Yep! for marriage... It was all so unplanned and frankly, I was really pissed about mom arranging a meeting with someone without asking me. I somehow have lost faith in arranged marriages and people.
If I could I would have gone there with my ruffled hair look, but AD said,"Outperform". AD! if you are reading this, you are funny...really!! Outperform?? What did you think? I was going to dance atop a table in the restaurant to get married? You are weird!
Anyways, we started off with the usual "It is so awkward for me"... I almost wanted to run away from there, but then I could hear mom in my head -- "There is no harm in talking to someone". So, I gave in.
I am thankful to this man I met for a question he asked me - "What are your plans?". I mumbled, stuttered and said, "Sorry I did not rehearse any answer for this. I have none. There is so much I want to do and I will do it all, that's all I know. Things I love to do, Things that make me happy".
OMG! I surprised myself with my response. Like really!
I have NO plans. None at all. Wow! I am there.. I am at that place where I always wanted to be... a place where I will live only in today and not in the tomorrow. I never saw myself changing... but the change happened subconsciously and I never realized it.. Whoa!
:) I am happy... that's about it..
and as far as getting married is concerned... JMD! I am right now in the "I hate all men" state of mind :D
Labels:
Ironically speaking,
Itz my life,
Relationships
Madam! aapka dimaag kahaan hain?? - Part 1
Yeah! that's what I have been told for a couple of months now. Absent-minded is ME! I have become this epitome of misplacing things, forgetting important stuff and almost messing up deadlines. I have never been THIS unorganized in a long time.Sometimes it feels there is so much to do and there is no time.
Ideally, this post belongs to the Mumbai Diaries series, but I will just let it be and quote some instances when I acted all stoopid and forgetful in parts.
On my recent trip to Mumbai, I very lazily walked to the Meru Cabs counter at the airport, almost yawned at the Customer Rep there and inquired about a cab while I let my bag rest next to the glass door separating the irritating CR and me. I was amongst the very few who got the cab coz it was raining itti zor se :s
In my usual excitement of beating the queue of 14 people at this and getting a cab, I dragged myself out of the airport with a smile on my face. It was raining too bad, but I somehow managed to get a cab after 15 mins of wait...Ummm... "Mumbai, you feel good"...
Felt like the stars were finally in my favor coz my cabbie came right on time. I gracefully(read clumsily) walked to the cab and the moment I opened the car ka darwaaza, bells went ting-ting in my head... I forgot my bags at the Meru Counter (INSIDE THE AIRPORT). Death hi ho gayi meri, by gawd!!
I ran with all my might (I don't have too much of it u see) towards the arrival gates and this mooch-waala Policewaala waits for me there.. Ek dum filmy scene ho gaya matlap!
Policewaala : "Madam, kidhar jaa rahi ho? Ruko".
Me (panting) : "Woh mera.. mera bag reh gaya hain ander".
Policewaala : *shakes head* "Aajkal ki ladkiyaan, pata nahi dhyaan kahan rehta hain".
Me: "Bag le aaoon please, lecture baad mein de dena aap. warna aap hi laa dijiye, woh dekhiye, wahan rakhkha hain".
Policewaala : *glares at me* "Jaao Jaldi aur lekar aao".
Me : *sigh of relief* Bag milaa so laakhon paaye types.
Now I know when I have to stop someone from boarding a plane (if that happens in my love-story), what all I need to do :D :D
I called my friend to tell him that I lost my bag and before I could go on with the rest of the story, here's what I get to hear - "Bag mila? Gaya? Tu kuch toh theek se kiya kar". Me : *facepalm*
All in all, my reputation has gone for a complete toss. Ummmmhummm!
Labels:
Ironically speaking,
Itz my life,
Travel
I stumble today, yet again.
I told myself that I will only come back to blogging if I have happy things to write about, but then it is all about perspectives.
In some phases of your life, you are all alone. Everything around you moves with the speed of light and you are still stuck at some place, trying to take that final step but still hesitating because you are too scared of repercussions. Sometimes you end up hurting yourself because you don't want to hurt someone else and one day you realize it was all a mistake.
People around me look at me with too many questions in their eyes. I want to answer none of them, coz I have too many of my own lying unanswered in a corner. I am glad that some of you 'really' know what you want from life. I don't. Every-time I sit down with a pen and paper, write things down and I realize that I have no clue what do I exactly want. One thing although stays common in all these Pen-Paper sessions: Love and Peace of Mind.
I think it is my fault to an extent. I have grown up with my books by my side and my first ever love story was 'The Fountainhead'. I always thought Love begins with a certain amount of conflict, disliking and disagreement. Then I moved on to softer stories, the make-believe ones where they tell you that Love is forever, it never leaves your side and that you should love, not matter if it is reciprocated or not. In real world, I hid my emotions from everyone always. Most of you, who know me in personal life, thanks for being there.... but I know some of you wonder if you still know me. Well, it is nothing to be proud of when I say this... but you don't.
My thirst for 'Peace of mind' comes from the life I have lived. A life which has been an amalgamation of too many short stories. Everyone in my life who is close to me, knows only some of the stories. I always believed that one day I will love madly and be loved back with greater intensity and THAT man would be the one to know it all. Anyways, I guess I need to get out of my teenager's world of dreams. I still want to hold onto love and this beautiful world of mine though.
I have spent so many nights, curling up in bed, wondering and questioning God as to why am I the only one whose prayers are not answered. Why do I have to go through so much pain in life, in every phase? Then, I met some of you. I saw another side of pain and hurt. I know we cannot compare someone's pain with ours, but in some of you I found such brave hearts, who fought every odd and still rose.
I fought a lot of my own battles too, but I thought some day I will be paid off for my perseverance and spirit. I never was, or may be I was too blind to see. I know I still have a wonderful life, friends and dreams that are unattended. I am so lost, I sometimes feel like reaching out to my friends , hug them and cry my heart out. This will do no good, I know.. coz at the end of the day, I am all on my own and I have to find my way out.
I stand here alone as the world walks by, stares at me, sometimes feels sorry, sometimes just laughs at me. No! I am not your sorry-figure.May be today is a day when I stumbled again, when my faith in me is shaken again. But tomorrow, I will get up and walk again. Coz sometimes we have no choice but to NOT give up. I let all of you judge me here.
I know what my problem is though : I give a lot.. but I don't know where to stop. I take way too much shit from people I love... but I don't know when to stop.
I still request everyone reading this : If someone is kind to you, at least 'respect' or 'acknowledge'. People do not demand or expect anything more than that, if they are 'really' kind.
Everyday I tell myself that I will sail through this one too. Some day, my world will take a break from betrayals, disappointments and pain. Probably for a week, for a month, for a year... but I will cherish it. Interestingly we all have the capacity to hurt people and be icy cold to them, but it is a choice that we make. If you cannot be kind to someone, interact with pigs. They may understand, like really.
Also, some of us who take pride in the fact that they trash people who treat them nice. Here is a heartfelt smile for you :)
*Shrugs* If not today, one of these days... but I am gonna find my way out of despair and gain back all that I have lost and some more of it. But all of you who lost me, although am not too precious.. but am special...Sorry about your loss... ;)
In some phases of your life, you are all alone. Everything around you moves with the speed of light and you are still stuck at some place, trying to take that final step but still hesitating because you are too scared of repercussions. Sometimes you end up hurting yourself because you don't want to hurt someone else and one day you realize it was all a mistake.
People around me look at me with too many questions in their eyes. I want to answer none of them, coz I have too many of my own lying unanswered in a corner. I am glad that some of you 'really' know what you want from life. I don't. Every-time I sit down with a pen and paper, write things down and I realize that I have no clue what do I exactly want. One thing although stays common in all these Pen-Paper sessions: Love and Peace of Mind.
I think it is my fault to an extent. I have grown up with my books by my side and my first ever love story was 'The Fountainhead'. I always thought Love begins with a certain amount of conflict, disliking and disagreement. Then I moved on to softer stories, the make-believe ones where they tell you that Love is forever, it never leaves your side and that you should love, not matter if it is reciprocated or not. In real world, I hid my emotions from everyone always. Most of you, who know me in personal life, thanks for being there.... but I know some of you wonder if you still know me. Well, it is nothing to be proud of when I say this... but you don't.
My thirst for 'Peace of mind' comes from the life I have lived. A life which has been an amalgamation of too many short stories. Everyone in my life who is close to me, knows only some of the stories. I always believed that one day I will love madly and be loved back with greater intensity and THAT man would be the one to know it all. Anyways, I guess I need to get out of my teenager's world of dreams. I still want to hold onto love and this beautiful world of mine though.
I have spent so many nights, curling up in bed, wondering and questioning God as to why am I the only one whose prayers are not answered. Why do I have to go through so much pain in life, in every phase? Then, I met some of you. I saw another side of pain and hurt. I know we cannot compare someone's pain with ours, but in some of you I found such brave hearts, who fought every odd and still rose.
I fought a lot of my own battles too, but I thought some day I will be paid off for my perseverance and spirit. I never was, or may be I was too blind to see. I know I still have a wonderful life, friends and dreams that are unattended. I am so lost, I sometimes feel like reaching out to my friends , hug them and cry my heart out. This will do no good, I know.. coz at the end of the day, I am all on my own and I have to find my way out.
I stand here alone as the world walks by, stares at me, sometimes feels sorry, sometimes just laughs at me. No! I am not your sorry-figure.May be today is a day when I stumbled again, when my faith in me is shaken again. But tomorrow, I will get up and walk again. Coz sometimes we have no choice but to NOT give up. I let all of you judge me here.
I know what my problem is though : I give a lot.. but I don't know where to stop. I take way too much shit from people I love... but I don't know when to stop.
I still request everyone reading this : If someone is kind to you, at least 'respect' or 'acknowledge'. People do not demand or expect anything more than that, if they are 'really' kind.
Everyday I tell myself that I will sail through this one too. Some day, my world will take a break from betrayals, disappointments and pain. Probably for a week, for a month, for a year... but I will cherish it. Interestingly we all have the capacity to hurt people and be icy cold to them, but it is a choice that we make. If you cannot be kind to someone, interact with pigs. They may understand, like really.
Also, some of us who take pride in the fact that they trash people who treat them nice. Here is a heartfelt smile for you :)
*Shrugs* If not today, one of these days... but I am gonna find my way out of despair and gain back all that I have lost and some more of it. But all of you who lost me, although am not too precious.. but am special...Sorry about your loss... ;)
AD, Tumka birthday aaya :)
AD is THE man. He is sensitive when he needs to be, stupid when he tries to make you smile, funny even if you sob at his jokes and an interesting geek. Ah! that sounds like bio of a random someone on the matrimonial site.
Anyways!!
Aaj AD ka happy budday hain :) :) So let us wish him a very happy happy birthday and loads of success and a little bit of true love so he stops laughing at me for my ideas of love.
*sticks her tongue out at AD* Love you loads, AD. Have an awesome birthday aaj...Ummmwaaaaaaaaah!!
You can wish him on twitter : @hitwicked
Chalo yaaron, let's wish him... :P
Labels:
Birthday Bumps,
Friends,
Itz my life,
Relationships
Arpit, this is for you! and all my readers.
:) First of all Arpit, I want you to know that I loooooooved your comment on the blog and I MISS YOU!!
I know that I have been pretty busy breaking few things in my life and fixing some of them.
I will try to be regular on the blog... Your comments mean a lot to me... :)
Guys! who still read me... Love you :) :) Me will be back soon....
I know that I have been pretty busy breaking few things in my life and fixing some of them.
I will try to be regular on the blog... Your comments mean a lot to me... :)
Guys! who still read me... Love you :) :) Me will be back soon....
Love Letter to God
Dear God
I know I am known for changing my mind now and then. I know you have made me this way, that I am almost always confused about what I do and say. I always look for MY fault in everything that goes wrong. I will not ask you WHY did you choose me for being so clumsy, foolish and weird, all at the same time. I just want to tell you a couple of things though, things I have not said in a long-long time.
I guess me and you, we did not have a conversation for a long time. I have notice that when I am doing things that somewhere my heart knows are not right, ME and YOU, we both stop conversing. You stop giving me signs and I stop talking to you.
You are weird, just like me. I mean, come on! who throws you in a pool of happiness and then plans to burn you alive? YOU! :)
Every happiness that you send my way is so confused that either I take too much time to recognize that it indeed IS happiness or sometimes it is just to mixed up with some sidetracks of sadness that it goes completely un-noticed. Anyways, coming back to our relationship now... why do you play games with me? Am I your favourite pawn or may be I am one of the best players around. I sometimes suspect that YOU fear me. You fear that someday I will just survive almost every shit you throw in my direction and precisely this is the reason you keep breaking me up time after time.
No worries. I love you just the way you love me. I guess me and you, we love each other way too much and thus we end up in this hating match at times. But it's okay, it is important for a healthy relationship.
Today, I have so many things to say. But the foremost thing would be -- THANK YOU. I am thankful to you for so many things -
- My family
- My friends (whom I can count on my fingertips now)
- My pets
- This beautiful life, The right to breathe.
- For wonderful opportunities and the challenges
- For all the shit you made see since childhood,because this is what made me who I am
- For keeping my faith intact in goodness and being nice. (Although, it's a little shaken now)
- For keeping me sane, even after all that happened.
- For that certain element of madness you injected in me, that keeps me going. That makes me thrive harder.
- For almost all the good things and some of the bad things too.
- For all the people who made my life hell by BEING there and some of them by NOT being there. (Oh! I am not going to name them)
Today, I also have something else to say, I need you. I need you so bad that I had to write this up
- Please help me let go. Please. I am holding onto this one thing for a long time now.
- Please help me realize that I AM the one who is important in my life and no-one else can take that place. I am my #1.
- Please help me accept that I loved and it does not matter if the people I loved were right or wrong. What is important is that I LOVED.
- Please help me accept that I don't need to prove it to anyone how good I am, how worthy I am and how loyal I am.
- Please help me accept that the ones who love madly and honestly are the ones who are courageous of the lot.
- Please help me survive this too.
- Please bless me with strength, peace of mind and a will to walk with pride.
- Please stand next to me and whisper "Walk on. You can" when I feel like I will give up.
- Please keep my dreams and hopes alive.
- Please help those who love me, accept that it is okay to love.
- Please just be there for me, right now. I need you. Let us talk everyday. Let's give our relationship some time.
- Please help me embrace happiness and sadness, failure and victory with same amount of poise and humility.
I love you and I am not scared to admit that. Thanks for being there. I know you will help me sail through. I trust you.
I know I am known for changing my mind now and then. I know you have made me this way, that I am almost always confused about what I do and say. I always look for MY fault in everything that goes wrong. I will not ask you WHY did you choose me for being so clumsy, foolish and weird, all at the same time. I just want to tell you a couple of things though, things I have not said in a long-long time.
I guess me and you, we did not have a conversation for a long time. I have notice that when I am doing things that somewhere my heart knows are not right, ME and YOU, we both stop conversing. You stop giving me signs and I stop talking to you.
You are weird, just like me. I mean, come on! who throws you in a pool of happiness and then plans to burn you alive? YOU! :)
Every happiness that you send my way is so confused that either I take too much time to recognize that it indeed IS happiness or sometimes it is just to mixed up with some sidetracks of sadness that it goes completely un-noticed. Anyways, coming back to our relationship now... why do you play games with me? Am I your favourite pawn or may be I am one of the best players around. I sometimes suspect that YOU fear me. You fear that someday I will just survive almost every shit you throw in my direction and precisely this is the reason you keep breaking me up time after time.
No worries. I love you just the way you love me. I guess me and you, we love each other way too much and thus we end up in this hating match at times. But it's okay, it is important for a healthy relationship.
Today, I have so many things to say. But the foremost thing would be -- THANK YOU. I am thankful to you for so many things -
- My family
- My friends (whom I can count on my fingertips now)
- My pets
- This beautiful life, The right to breathe.
- For wonderful opportunities and the challenges
- For all the shit you made see since childhood,because this is what made me who I am
- For keeping my faith intact in goodness and being nice. (Although, it's a little shaken now)
- For keeping me sane, even after all that happened.
- For that certain element of madness you injected in me, that keeps me going. That makes me thrive harder.
- For almost all the good things and some of the bad things too.
- For all the people who made my life hell by BEING there and some of them by NOT being there. (Oh! I am not going to name them)
Today, I also have something else to say, I need you. I need you so bad that I had to write this up
- Please help me let go. Please. I am holding onto this one thing for a long time now.
- Please help me realize that I AM the one who is important in my life and no-one else can take that place. I am my #1.
- Please help me accept that I loved and it does not matter if the people I loved were right or wrong. What is important is that I LOVED.
- Please help me accept that I don't need to prove it to anyone how good I am, how worthy I am and how loyal I am.
- Please help me accept that the ones who love madly and honestly are the ones who are courageous of the lot.
- Please help me survive this too.
- Please bless me with strength, peace of mind and a will to walk with pride.
- Please stand next to me and whisper "Walk on. You can" when I feel like I will give up.
- Please keep my dreams and hopes alive.
- Please help those who love me, accept that it is okay to love.
- Please just be there for me, right now. I need you. Let us talk everyday. Let's give our relationship some time.
- Please help me embrace happiness and sadness, failure and victory with same amount of poise and humility.
I love you and I am not scared to admit that. Thanks for being there. I know you will help me sail through. I trust you.
Labels:
Influences,
Inspirational,
Itz my life,
Reflections,
Relationships,
Shit
Choose your prayers carefully
I was reading through 'The Secret' yet again. Why?
Well, I thought I will find my answers in the book. I kind of DID.
The moment I asked myself what do I actually want, why am I reading this book? I realised that my prayers, my wishes changed.
The reason I was reading the book for, is not valid anymore. Weird eh?
Like I say - Choose your prayers carefully. Sometimes God is really at it.
I will get back to the book now and find MY prayers. Do you know yours?
Labels:
Influences,
Inspirational,
Ironically speaking,
Itz my life,
Reflections
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