Happy Singh and Rustam

Happy Singh, when he was a month old. :)
Happy Singh : Now when he is 9 months. :)
Pics r a bit hazy though, blame it on my cellfone ;) Next is a rare moment where both of them can be seen bonding over some sleep.... ;) Happy Singh and Rustam (Sleeping with the enemy redefined) .... lol

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What does your dream say?

Its been more than 2 weeks now and the fever does not recede as yet. I have already finished up reading all the romantic novels my brother bought me and now, am getting terribly bored. Last nite, coz dad was away in Jaipur for a business trip, Mom asked me to sleep in her room. I am one person who is pretty reluctant when it comes to changing the place where I get my daily dose of sleep. This may come as a surprise to many as I am the one who keeps travelling all the time and thus end up sleeping in various cities. :) So I slept in her room and well she needed the AC badly and well, coz I have fever I can easily do without it. After some discussion we finally settled on this pact: "The AC will be switched off as soon as it gets too cold for me inside". I can blame it on the change of place or watsover it tuk me 3 hours to get to sleep and when I finally slept I ended up having a terrible dream.Here goes the dream : I saved a kid's life while I was travelling in the train and hurted myself so badly as the glass cut thru my veins and th doctors were telling me that they had done their needful and they didnt think I wud survive for more than 7 days. They discharged me and in my dream, I was telling myself, "I wish it is a bad dream".But then, atleast in my dream it was not a dream. So I cud see myself telling my doctors,"But, I have so much to do before I die, How can I die right now?" and I could feel my stomach getting sick while I said that. Finally I woke up in sweat, it was 5:30 in the morning...Crap! an early morning dream it was and I was so badly affected by it that the whole day I ended up wondering what if I actually die in 7 days? It will be such a small amount of time for me to do all the things I really wanna do. I am one person who believes that our dream says a lot to us. So this one did have a messgage for me. Funny though, coz when things go really bad in life,I ended up asking God,"Why the hell am I living like this?" and even though, it was in my dreams I cannot afford to die right now, Infact I DONT want to die so early... :) Now I know what a hypocrite I have been all this while to God and myself ofcourse but then, I realized one more thing there is so much I want to do in life that even the next 50 yrs or so seems to be a lesser time. I really am a greedy person when it comes to making the most of life. :) To be true, blame it on my sickness or wat, I still feel sick in my stomach when I think of the dream. It is scary, I hope to get over it soon. I have this thing with the terrible category of dreams, they drain all the energy out of me... uhuh! But am glad, am alive and it was not for real and am really happy that no matter if it was for a silly dream, I value life a little more than I did. :) I wish I am out of this typhoid thing early, I am so damn irritated lying on the bed all the time. I really wanna make most of each and every moment in my life from hereon, itz not that I did not but then I will add another extra bit to it now. :)

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AS PER OUR PLAN

And as I suggested sometime back in one of my posts, the Karnataka govt has finally come up with a plan to assign IDs to all its residents so that they'll be able to do the needful from their side to curb terrorism. Hope this move inspires other states also.

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And it did not end there...

It is so ironical that at the time when I was reading up Chetan Bhagat's "Three Mistakes of My life", Ahmedabad was burning. There were another series of blasts (almost 17) in the city and they even blew up Civil Hospital where victims were treated. :( I said 'ironical' coz the book I read was also about a story based in Ahmedabad and how the city survived an earthquake and a dark day in the history of the city when Hindu-Muslims burnt each other to death during Godhra Incident. It is about three friends : Govind, Ish and Omi ; their small but ambitious business of a sports' shop and how were they affected each time Gujarat went thru a low. It also talks about the communal riots in the year 2002 that left the whole nation feeling ashamed of the inumanity people showed towards each other. When I was going thru the turbulences that Govind and his frenz went thru while saving a muslim boy Ali, the city was actually going thru the worst in the present time 26th July 2008. There were almost 17 blasts reported that injured 200 people to be approximate and killed some 40 people. If Bangalore was not enuff!! I feel so insecure and suffocated and at times guilty for not being able to do anything to save these people. The book clearly reflects how fury can make one kill in the name of religion and it does not matter even if the person at the receiving end is a small kid who is unaware tht he is hanging around with people whose relatives murdered his family out of rage. When I picked up the book, I cursed myself for choosing it over the romances as it started on a depressing note. But sooner I realised I cud not leave it before I finish reading it so I finished in straight 3 hours.(I have some reading speed, I tell u). The story that started started on a sad note tuk me thru a journey filled of emotions,courage,submission,religional-violence,selfish and crude politics, humantiy and the essence of love which is still alive somewhere inside all of us. The courage that a strict HINDU priest's son showed when he gave up his life fighting to save a MUSLIM kid is touching yet inspiring. It made me feel no matter what We, the people don't intend to avenge ourselves by killing others. It is only the seeds of revenge and violence that are bred inside us by some political parties feeding their own self-interests and fake egos, that make people feel indifferent towards other on the basis of something as sacred as religion. The book is a must read for every Indian and ofcourse for everyone else too as it makes one realize, there is till some amount of humanity left in there. They say everything rests on hope and I hope someday...one day the sun will shine again, someday a rainbow will appear...there will be some silver lining somewhere...!! With this note, I end my post today and well, its already too late and I have not slept. FYI, the fever came back again. Although, latest is Mom mademe switch to soups and boiled veggies for the time-being as she feels my intestines need loads of rest. They do and what about my mind...grrrrr.... I knw I can feed myself up some Mills n Boons stuff and feel a lil better but what about those who lost their loved ones? :( For the book-related info : http://www.chetanbhagat.com/the_books/t3moml/index.html For more on the communal riots visit : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2002_Gujarat_violence P.S. Sadly, for two consecutive days my posts are only centred around blasts. :(

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Another day of horror

One thing is for sure, Mom is always right. She asked me to avoid news channels and television and well, I did,but then my brother called me up in the afternoon and asked me to switch on the TV set and tune into news. My prompt reaction or question was if it was a depressive piece of news, he was like," OK, Don't!!". This triggered alarm bells, there was something really wrong somewhere and when I surfed thru all useless channels, I finally managed to find TIMES NOW and OMG! there were almost 6-7 serial blasts reported in Bangalore. I was all out of the anti-allergic daze I was in and I started fiddling thru my contact list to call up all the people I know of in bangalore and ask them if they were alrite. I was so shocked and felt a shiver run down my spine when I saw most of the blasts tuk place near my frenz's house. I smsed all of them as the news channels flashed the news of the telephone networks being jammed. I have many frenz there. Thankfully most of them replied and assured me that they were safe but some of them did not bother to respond and kept me biting my fingernails. Anyways, the medicines had already started working and probably the stress tuk to me, I collapsed in my bed and before I cud realise I was fast asleep. When I woke up in the evening, I saw one of my frenz generously responding to an sms sent 5 hrs back, he said " We r OK". I was kinda relaxed. All of the people on my list were safe but what about the others?? I wondered. We human beings are so selfish at times. :( I cud not muster up the courage to watch the news again, although mom told me there were not many casualties reported. If Jaipur blasts were not enuff to affect me, another serial blasts and that too in a city I am pretty close to. I have been travelling in and out of bangalore for past 6 months and it was like second home to me for a while. I cud identify with all the places flashed on the news and it was so scary. Mom was right, I shud not have watched the news, it made me feel so enraged and frustrated. When will this brutal killing spree end?? Nobody has the answers to these questions. IB says they knew abt it and well they think these attacks are retaliatory. Who cares?? We, the people of India and the world are haunted with just one question? WHY?? Why can't they just stop killing people? What's our fault? Why do we, the common people suffer? I am going to bed again today with so many questions crossing my mind. And before I do that, my uncle called me up to enquire abt my typhoid status. He advised me that it may replapse so I shud, I must take rest. How can I rest when I know the truth is one day it will be one of us! I have been an eye-witness to communal riots in Moradabad's village in UP and I will definitely write abt it but for now my heart-felt wishes for the Bangaloreans and I pray for their safety and well-being. There is no end to this violence. Absolutely no end. :(

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And the verdict is out...

The test reports are out and I have been diagnosed with Typhoid. Crap! This means another week of bed-rest and stuff, I donno what I am gonna do to kill time. I have few things in my mind though : - I am gonna read all your blogs for sure guys! Coz they kinda freshen me up :) -I am planning to ask my brother to buy me some romantic novels and I will indulge in them. I am in no mood to start with my MBA books so I'd rather go thru them later. - I will use up all the aroma lotions and soothing creams, I did not get the time to use up and indulge in some self-pampering stuff. :) and well, I donno why but I am gonna get super-bored as I am not even allowed to watch too much of television here. Mom thinks that all the Indian media influxes in you is depressive and violent news and it is not advisable to watch them when one is sick. :) Doctor said I am allowed to work with my laptop for 1-2 hours a day if thats too urgent. Well, I may or may not blog. It all depends on the energy I am left with. My manager needs me for a very very imptt assignment bid as he mentioned in his mail and well, I can't help it now. I am advised to take as much rest as I can. :( I hope he understands and cooperates. The funniest part is more than myself I can see the whole family under stress. Everyone is so worried abt it and I spend half of my time calming them. :) I'll be back soon. Thanks a lot for your wishes....

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The Guessing game is on!!

Finally, I have taken yet another break (thanks to the viruses) and everybody at home has come up with their own explanation about the sickness. Mom feels its Typhoid (uhuh!) , Chaa thinks its Malaria(coz I have joint pains) and I still think it is a typical viral infection and nothing more. I am going to visit the doctor again in the evening to make sure what blood tests need to be done tomorrow. My stock of antibiotics anyways is over. Lets hope its nothing but a viral attack. I have no patience to hit the bed for long. My manager has not yet responded to my leave request and I had to stall the training sessions in between coz my voice has left me with no option. I am feeling too weak to speak. Hope the doctor has some good news for me (I hope he tells me it is due to a sinus infection or something but not typhoid or malaria puhleeese). Lets see. Meanwhile, I am feeling too guilty of not being able to cater to my committment of delivering the sessions. Archi(my best fren) tells me I shud forget abt it and concentrate on getting the right treatment for this fever. The mercury shows up 99 F again.Oops! this is not healthy. Wish it decides to drop back to another few pointers to 98.4F and my doc will gimme a go-ahead!! I am in relax mode now, catching up on sleep and ofcourse reading up my favourite blogs. Latest post on Zirelda's blog made me feel really fresh (with all the water and greens around in the pictures). :)

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The Homecoming.

Now, it is final that the viruses have decided to stay a lil longer in my body, so I have no option watsoever but to live with it, until they call it quits. I am trying to survive with the constant muscular aches n weakness. There is some good news though. My younger brother(one amongst the pair of twins) has got a transfer to an office near our place. So the house which had only 2 people and one dog to start with some 6 yrs back, is now full of all kinds of sounds,smells (The more the men in the house, the worst it gets) and personalities. I have realised that once you start staying alone it gets pretty difficult to come back and adapt to the family ways again. I faced lot many issues when I got a job in my hometown and I came back home some 2 yrs back. I knew I cud not do things I did in another city where I lived alone. The Usual Can't do stuff is : - No late-nite dance parties. - No dinner dates - No cluttering - No sleeping after 6 am in the morning.(even during weekends) - No MAGGI/NOODLES ever on the menu. - No shopping every weekend. - No ocassional movie outings. - No more lazying around. - No more binging on chocolates.(Mom keeps telling me I wud never get married if I keep doing so) - No more avoiding baths in winters on Sundays. - No more TV programs between before or after 9 pm. - No more long-conversations over the phone. - No more unjustified actions(the way you wear your hair shud also be at times justified as you are not allowed to wash off ur hair on Tuesdays,Thursdays and Saturdays) - No more self-medication(Crocins,Aspirins and Pain-killers, you must see the doc even if you sneeze)

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Wish I had rested....

Thanks to my ignorance, the fever has shot up again and I have been warned this time. But then, how can I relax right now? I have already started with the sessions and now I cannot afford to take another break... I hope the ocassional naps will do some magic for me... The Flu thing left me looking like THIS :
Mom, the typical mom that she is, has started telling me that I have started looking pale now and she clicked me with her cellfone to prove it...I dont think so...May be the flu thing drains off all the energy out of you but then I am looking quite okay here. I have a session to deliver in another 2 hours so will try and catch up some sleep. I'll be back soon...

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MUST READ : Have you ever really loved a woman??

My mom has a personal beautician who comes over at our place once a month(at times twice/thrice too) and caters to mom's beauty regime...I am a lil scared of the beauty enhancing products and people...so I usually avoid them...I wud only visit a parlor to get some waxing or threading done...or yeah! may be an ocassional Hair-cut....I cant bear all those white,orange,yellow,blue n wat not stuff on my face... Mom has a beautician named Sunita for 7 years and she was separated from her husband(not legally) and had a daughter....She was one person who inspired me a lot...she started her career when she was 33 and well eversince then, there is no looking back....She is a gr8 woman and the first person who made me get over my fear of waxing my legs...(my legs got terrible blisters during a wax session in a high-profile spa cum beauty centre n I told myself I wud never do it again...and the high-profile thing was such a deception...I thought it wud be better and safe for the skin...huh!)... Sunita was going thru the worst in her personal life....she had a daughter, she did not know how long she wud be able to raise...(ofcourse money is imptt)....and her husband was over-possesive and used to physically and mentally abuse her....She stood tall against all that and left his home along with her daughter few years back.... and then she enrolled for a course in beauty and ayurvedic therapy... Last year, when I was busy travelling for work, Mom called me and told me that Sunita had reconciled with her husband....She cud no longer stand the trauma our society gave her and instead she preferred to bear with a man who wud harass her...I donno how is she? She never called us again...and her number does not work...I really really hope she is fine...Her daughter is a sweet kid with loads of dreams in her eyes... Eversince Sunita left, Mom was hunting for a replacement(but no one can replace her, she is really superb at her job)...finally she zeroed down on a female in her early thirties...She is a Jat and the first time I met her, I was so taken aback with her accent and aggression...(not her fault)... I always thought she is one bold kick-ass woman...I never approached her for myself, so she was solely for mom,until today, when I thought I wud just get a eyebrow threading done as I was feeling too lazy to go the nearby beauty centre... She greeted me with a pretty but half-black smile...I was like what happened to her...and she said," Oh! I fell off my bike.". Well, another case of domestic violence...!! Her fone was ringing for about an hour and she did not take the call. Finally Mom asked her to take the call first and resume her job a lil later...Well, she asked the guy at the other end if he w-ud ever hit her again....I was like shocked....and then she told me that my husband punched me hard in the face Gudiya...and thats why my lips are swollen and the left eye is black...ah! bloody husband....am sorry for offensive words...but I simply cud not help myself... :( I felt so choked and uncomfortable....coz she smiled thru the whole tale-telling process....I cud now recollect the last time I saw her...She had a swollen right cheek and she said she had a jaw problem...I m sure he did hit her that time too....Poor thing!! and I thought she was aggressive and she cud stand up for herself... She told me why she is in this marriage for her daughter and coz she has no courage to put her parents in trouble...She asked me to never let her folks know that she was being abused.... The ME that I am, I told her how cud she even take it? But then sooner I realised, in one or the other way she had no choice....Our Indian Society leaves us with nothing :( In the time when we talk about Nuclear Agreements, Globalization, Liberalisation and all that crap, we have people who take out processions in protest of a knee-length dress worn at a party by a movie-star...Gimme a break!! I know I will not be able to sleep well tonite...coz I am gonna think abt this woman and all others who have been going thru this silently....and someday they will give their lives away in silence...and no one wud know... While I was working for AIDS awareness I came across women who wud talk about their helplessness towards protecting themselves against this deadly disease. They have no choice to decide when, how and what. I was working with the sweepers,security office and office peons for that session, all women. I kept on telling them they shud do this and tht to protect themselves, when suddenly one of themvery calmly raised her hand and said," Madam ji, aap jo bhi bataa rahey ho, usmey humaara koi marzi nahi chalta" : "We have no say in protecting ourselves against AIDS during sex". Another shocking thing! I cud not sleep that night and was wondering how blessed I am that I have parents and people around me who let me decide for my life. I really am... I will be writing more about my experience during one of these sessions and also the most shocking thing is 85% of my co-workers believed that AIDS is caused even when you share food and water with an infected person...This is something we will talk about laters...For now, I want to say one thing : A man shud treat his wife/lover/galfren with the same respect, love, care, space, individuality and attention that they demand from them. Women are not meant to be beaten up or abused...they are beautiful creations of god ( I m not game for physical beauty here just to mention)...and theyshud be loved and cared for, the way they do for everyone around them... We should put a stop to domestic violence or for that matter any kind of violence against women... Your wife is an equal human being and she deserves a lot from life and you... Please stop hitting women....they are not meant to bear the brunt of your anger. P.S. I could not decide for an apt title for the post. Grammatical mistakes shud be forgiven for the emotional state I am in.

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Sunny : The Funny

Therez this weird guy who has been a very important part of my life for the last 24 years, we have grown up together, fighting,cribbing,laughing,plotting and almost doing all the kiddo and teenage stuff together... Standing tall at some 6 feet(m exaggerating) , he is 24 yrs of age but still comes across as a college freshman. We have been together for 24 yrs now and have seen all that life had in store for us clinging onto each other most of the times. He is my kid brother, not exactly kid I wud say coz he is just one year younger to me...but then one look at us and you wud say its some 5-6 yrs of age difference...blame it on my huge built or his not-so-huge built!! Our bonding goes back to the skool days, he was an underweight,ugly kid (just coz of the clutter bag tht he luked like)who had long and dirty nails and a running nose...his dressing sense was amazing too....with his trousers almost leaving his waist and running down....his shirt almost hanging in there and his tie trying to get hold of the thinnest of necks... :) I wud always tell him...OMG! no one wud believe you are MY brother...I was the typical neat and ofcourse big kid, who had a reputation in skool... :) (atleast I thought so). He had this weird obsessions towards food, we called him "BHOJAN BHAI", coz u wud catch him munching all the time and still he wud never even gain an ounce of weight...lucky guy!! Funniest thing is whenever we got stuck in a traffic jam on our way back frm skool, my mom used to cry telling her frenz how Sunny cant stay hungry for more than 1 hour and she used to get worried that he wud start crying in the bus and create a havoc...!! he he Also, no matter if he missed his skool bus in the morning, he made sure he gorged on 3 paranthas and ofcourse 1 from my share too....( I was too busy to eat) before rushing for the bus....he he... The after-effect is exactly opposite, I am over-weight and huge when he is so frail....life is funny...isn't it? Anyways, we studied in the same skool and poor boy had to hear all kind of things from his teachers about how he cud not match up my reputation in skool(now thts true)... Sooner(just like a bollywood movie), he gave up the untidy-avatar and transformed into a handsome, well-groomed young boy in skool...(I still suspect he had an affair!! he nevr told me though).... We parted ways when he went away for a diploma course to Tamil Nadu and I left home for my Engineering an year after....we stayed in touch thru letters and later phone calls... The cry-baby that he was, turned into a confident and handsome man who has gals drooling over him but he is comfortably single (is what I knw, I hope he has no secrets here)....and am so proud of him...coz he is an excellent performer at his work....especially for his age he is doing really well....I find it surprising at times, that a person who was so shy has made a name for himself and is making us proud.... I wud not say we have a pour-ur-heart type of bonding with each other but yeah! we are always there for each other....no matter wat....He wud tease me whole day long (even wen he is in office) over the chat, on the phone and at home...but then he can't see me cry too...He always comes to my rescue with his shoulder to lean on....I blabber all abt my day at work and he wud listen patiently but then end the conversation irritatingly, and say" Toh, what shud I do?" and then wud smile stealthily... His jokes and sense of humor peps me up even in the worst of times... he is at times a sweetheart and at times super-irritating...we have had our share of physical fights(no points for guessing who beats whom)....but then he can irritate you so bad mentally that he does not need to use his not-so-huge physical power.... :) Imagine, he first let Happy eat-up my Ipod earfones...and now he is busy hunting for a replacement for the same... :) Although I have 3 brothers(the other two are pair of twins), but Sunny and me share a different bond...as we have grown, learnt and shared together.... There have been times while we were growing up when we clung to each other for a lot many things....thru our ups and downs...and I am not gonna dig deeper...as I am not gonna say any thanks here.... he did what he was supposed to... lol All the best Sunna, as I call him (with utter love and anger at times)...he he... !! P.S. Sunna, you must be cursing the day when you told me you dont bother what I write about you...well, your secrets are out now, honey!

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A break that never was.........

I am back from the break...Well, it was not a break to be true... My biggest problem is I am really bad at taking a break....I have been so much into work, home(am sure Sunny will differ here), pets and studies that I ended up believing this what life is all about. And now when I down with the flu, it is so hard for me to rest. I keep checking my office mails and assuring my team-mates everyday that I'll be back tomorrow....and well coz I am busy doing this, I hardly find time to take rest and the result is I am not back to work, the "tomorrow" I mentioned "yesterday". Similarly, I cant keep off the reading stuff, I am glued to my favourite blogs almost 2 hours a day...and then if not blogs I wud read up newspapers,MBA books or even some old magazines... Mom is simply irritated with me...She cannot understand how can someone not rest...but then I am like that since my childhood...She always tells me that she cud not understand how to make me sit at one place during the summer vacations in skool....I was always after her to get my home-work and assignments done....and wud insist on books to read up....ha ha...and if that was not enuff I wud finish up my holiday homework in 15 days and well for the rest of the 2 months wud tell her, "Maa ,I am done with the assignments and now am getting bored". We did not have a PC at home or for that matter even satellite television channels to rely on... Mom was not in favour of comic books as she always insisted that course-books and infact all the GOOD books are a person's best friend....so I did not even have that luxury. I remember I read my first comic book (at my maternal granny's place)when I was 13 yrs old that too out of curiosity. I was into the Pinkys and Chacha Chaudharis when my galfrenz were into Mills n Boons... :) We will come to that sometime laters... ;) In short, I dont knw the art of resting/relaxing my body/mind and thus Yoga also seemed like a Herculean task for me in the beginning.....although now I have accepted it more or less. Imagine, I have not been given a green signal from my doctor and am still posting on the blog when I shud take rest...but cant help it.... For me an ideal break wud be far away frm home and work and somewhere in a country that boasts of greens and blues or typical classic culture...I mean natural beauty: waters and trees...n all...a dream day then wud be: I wud lie on my back in the park..with the misty wind blowing across my face and me reading a romantic novel...ocassionally a leaf or two wud fall off on the book... I wud turn on my back after sometime and see the kids playing as if they have nothing to worry abt,smile to myself...and join them...and later wud take a long walk by beach-side and then collapse in the sand and take a nap for a quick 20 mins... wud catch up on some rain on my way back and treat myself with hot punju-chinese food...wud cuddle up in the bed watching "Serendipity" for the umpteenth time....!! Hmm...What a dream break it is!! Calmed me a bit.... I simply cant relax within the same surroundings that I work in....and thts the reason may be that I cannot take rest at all...no matter if I am sick.... But then, someday I am gonna fly to such a place and have loads of fun.... Till then will have to hang-in here...with the same old mudane life...will have to cater to whole lot of responsibilities....make some real good money....and yeah! till then the best way to unwind is Blog On! Ah! I need to report back to work on Monday but when I was I missing from work, anyways??

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Gone with the flu...:(

I may not be able to stick around to my blogging for another 2-3 days....thanks to the flu thing that got me....Doctor says I need rest...But well, I have a few meetings and a couple of training sessions lined up for the week...and the worst part is I am presenting in all of them...so cant back out... Few days back, my best friend was asking me to take a break....now I know why he asked me too...They say the people who love you a lot have a sense of intuition about you... :) Watever, the flu thing makes me feel so damn weak...and almost every bone n muscle in my body is hurting...Wish I cud just skip all the work-stuff and roll back into the bed...the anti-allergics are making me feel sleepy anyways...But hey! Harshita...You cant sleep...You have a session post-lunch...and you have to talk for 120 long minutes.... :( Wish me luck guys...I wanna deliver the session before I collapse.... and I hope the flu leaves me alone soon...

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Pichley saat dino mein mainey khoya...

I have been eagerly waiting for the music of Rock-on to come out and well, the wait was worth-it...Especially for this song am listening to...right now...
Na na na..na na na na..
Meri laundry ka ek bill...
Ek aadhi padi novel..
na na na na ek ladki ka fone number
mere kaam ka ek paper
na na na na na

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Self-realization...

Ofcourse accepting life and watever comes along with it is wat I insisted on, in "Accept it"...but then one thing I missed on is right here... I realized that once you are ready to accept your shortcomings, ur weaknesses and the things that you are embarassed of and things that you hide from people....it becomes so easy to face the world and I think thats something that makes you strong. I know people who have it so easy for them , they can easily accept that they can cry at the drop of the hat, they are emotional and that they cannot stand emergency wards of hospital. Things are so easy for them and then there are people who always come across strong, they wud avoid emotional conversations and they'll claim that they hardly cry... lol...I feel sorry for them... To express onself and to accept the truth abt oneself is the hardest thing to do I believe...and for me people who can do that....are the real winners... I have tried doing it, and it feels so great...there are few things in my life I always denied but once I embraced them....life has been really beautiful...I never accepted that I cud also fall sick(I had a shocking dengue attack, followed by viral,chicken pox,hormonal disturbance and god knws wat in a span of one year)...and while I was struggling to come to terms with my sickness and my mom's surgery, people I loved the most, turned their backs on me, I fought alone for about an year or so to accept my body's weakness. I had to accept , one fine day,that my body does get tired and so does my mind, it does need attention and care and I cannot just go on exploiting it and life has been easier since then...:) I switched to Yoga and it strengthened my body and mind. I cud never accept losing my grandmaa, someone I loved the most....and I did not even cry when I lost her....coz I wanted to hide...hide myself from everyone...I wanted to be strong for mom and evryone around...I cud not take it for a long time until one fine day, it tuk to me and I almost fainted when my Blood Pressure shot up in college... Everyone around me knew what I was going thru but no-one evr dared to tell me...until one fine day I realized, I have to accept it...I have to accept my pain...my weakness towards this...and I cried for next 2 weeks every evening looking at the stars...It relieved me a lot....I wish we cud accept ourselves more... I donno if people call it spirituality or wat...but I think its just the way u learn frm life....and the way you grow each and evry moment... Signing off...have a great weekend guys!! and yeah! accept urself the way u r...feels gr8!!

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Friday Fever...!!

This morning was beautiful, (You call it Friday Fever or watever)although mom almost pushed me out of the bed as she wanted me to move my lazy bum a bit and go for a walk.....ahum! it almost felt like wen she used to wake me up when I was in skool....But yeah! wen i luk at her conviction towards seeing me fit...I feel like leaving aside all the pleasure that the early morning sleep gives me... I started the morning on a rocking note...With Jon Bon Jovi singing "Have a Nice day" aloud in my washroom...I brushed my teeth and rushed to catch up my early morning warm glass of water...I was sure this Friday will be gr8 in office...So I chose my favourite White shirt and blue jeans to wear...and everything was so perfect that it seemed to be so unreal... I picked up my newly bought Chanel eye-definer(I am yet to rate it as per its brand,Chanel Perfumes are a hit with me..am nt sure abt make-up stuff though) and thought of experimenting with my eyes a bit.. applied my favourite nude gloss...sprayed on some musk...and winked at my mirror....all ready to go gal!! With my shades on, I stepped outside..ah! it was too hot outside...so I asked my driver to turn on the AC...but of no use..(ever since tints are banned in delhi and NCR...Sun has found its way into our cars...) Everything was so normal until we reached the Expressway to Noida... :( There was a huge trafffic jam, but I was convinced its the usual thing and will settle down soon until our car drove to the wrong side to peep in and we saw that both the roads r closed...both ways it was a 3-4 km stretch traffic jam...uhuh! That is it!! How can MY day be so normal ?? :) Thankfully I asked my driver : " Yeh wrong side pey jaakey gaadi ko peechey ki taraf kaat-key dekho...mujhey lagta hain nikal jaayegi..adegi nahi...is-sey pehley ki yeh raasta band ho ghar ki taraf wapas le chalo...: Before it gets too late and the road to home also gets blocked lets take a U-turn frm the other side, I think it will work" It was not that easy....we had to convince many people on our way back to give way to us...as all the bikes blocked even the wrong side pathway...some of them banged on the car with theri barehands..and the driver blasted them " Kya kar rahey ho?: What are you doing?" and well some of them had funny replies" Arey main marr jaoonga tumhari gaadi se: "I will die if your car hits me" coz he was a safe distance away frm the car but wen they see a gal in the car...they ought to create a scene...Thats wat U.P. is all about... I felt so suffocated and anxious when I luked at my cellfone..Oops! How can I forget to charge my cellfone battery?? Shuh! and then I realised that I forgot my water pitcher at home...I had to go home...and it was the right decision coz I was already late to work and I had to login in time...so better work from home than indulge in this never ending traffic jam...without cellfone n water... Later I read thru e-paper at home and well well, our Mr. PM was on his way to the place and thus the whole road was blocked...What the hell? Why do we civilians suffer for VIPs and VVIPs ? Are not we supposed to be in time at work to earn enuff to pay our taxes well so that the government runs all fine??...This whole blockage of roads was a complete stupidity as the PM was anyways flying to the place and not driving there... That was really irritating...Now I realise why I cud see 3-4 helicopters over that area...Wish we cud have been informed about it earlier...I feel sorry for people stuck up there...coz they cant even take a U-turn and come back... we were lucky we did it in time... I hope it starts running smooth soon... :( It was so bad to see small kids stranded there too...seems the traffic jam was ON since wee hours in the morning...Wish I had known... :( What a Friday I wud say? Here I am, running temperature,dressed in Pyjamas and T-shirt, Happy Singh by my side(he is still amused to see me back home) and the laptop in my lap.(I shifted my work-table to bhai's room for his PC)...I have no clue how will I manage the training session Presentations while working from home...I think I shud mail the attendees abt the delay and mail the same on Monday.... Coz this Friday has been pretty rocking so far...it gave me fever...

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Dowry or No Dowry

With the "Accept it" discussion taking its toll on Twinkle, Mom interrupted with her usual " How to find the right guy for my daughter?" stuff. And there started a long discussion about why she has almost given up on me...and that she can never understand that being a gal(that too a 25 yr old Indian gal), I am not ready for marriage.... :( Well, I have no explanations for the same, I just dont feel like getting married right now and she thinks this feeling may not come for next 5 years too and then I will not find the right groom...Ah! the usual Indian-Mom theory... So they(Mom and Twinkle) started the discussion with the marriage stuff and we reached a point which Mom dreads the most....they started discussing abt dowry...and she knows I am so against it.. They made a point that watever parents give as dowry or gifts in their daughter's marriage is for her security and happiness...and my point is I earn enuff to pay my bills, buy myself stuff I want to, donate to charity and invest, then why do they need to pay dowry... When I tell my mom that I will scare away a guy and his family if they ask for dowry...she is like so upset abt it...and the worst is when she insists tht it is their concern and not mine...I have a simple fundaa : I tell her I will run away from the marriage ...lol...(thts the last resort I have). She cant believe that she has a daughter who has ideologies that test her patience most of the times... She is anyways not happy that she is not able to find the right match for me and then when I tell her about my principles, she freaks out. They say, it is a part of our custom that the bride's parents spend some 3 millions on the gold and gifts that are to be given to the in-laws and the family...and well. the marriage arrangements have a separate cost... I have few questions here : 1. Will I wear some diamond-studded sandals/shoes/watever to work after marriage? Nopes, I will not. 2. Will I ever wear the 1 kg of gold, that my mom will give me? Nopes, I hardly wear any jewellery to work or in my daily routine. 3. Will I ever drive the car that she plans to give me? Nopes, I have my own car. 4. Will I ever wear the sarees weighing 2kgs each ? Nopes, the probability is you will find me 6 days a week in a Churidaar or Jeans/cottons. 5. Will I ever respect the guy who drives the car my dad gave, who cant afford simple home furnishing stuff for his house even when I am ready to contribute, whose wardrobe is 70% what he got in dowry...and a guy who lives on the easy money and stuff he got from my dad...?? Nopes, never....I'd rather travel by bus than use that car and I am fine with what I can earn and he can contribute... 6. Will I ever be able to accept the custom of dowry? Nopes...never. In short, I love to live with dignity and I think what matters in a relationship is respect and trust. If am not able to respect the person,m going to spend my rest of life with, its never gonna work for me.... and respect has to be earned as they say...and I think a self-made man deserves all the appreciation and respect in the world... Why live on someone else's mercy when you can make it on ur own? No matter what Mom and Twinkle have to say, I think dowry shud be boycotted and if Mom being a teacher, Dad being a responsible and educated tax-paying citizen and others in the country do not take the step, we will never be able to completely eradicate this bane from the Indian Society... And if not for the society, atleast for my sake they shud not indulge in it....Dad is dead against receiving gifts and so is Mom, I have seen them standing up for it...but why when it comes to their daughter they want to compromise with their principles and endorse dowry.... Mom, Dad : Its not about you taking dowry or not....its abt you giving it too...If you really wanna stand up for it...you shud not give dowry in my marriage...Else Mom, I am gonna run away.... and you knw am serious.... coz I knw your emotional blackmail works wonders for you in such crucial times.. I love you Guys and I wud not need anything apart from your love and blessings in my marriage...thats all... And for the in-laws to-be...if they really need someone else to pay for their life...they better get a life... :) No offences meant to anyone...

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Accept it!!

The weekend was full of usual stuff like cooking lunch on Saturday for the family, arranging my wardrobe, taking Happy and Rustam for a walk, chatting up with mom and catching up on "How I met your mother" episodes. And this Sundayevening,for a change, me and mom decided to sit outside in the verandah or porch watever u may call it. Happy sat at his favourite side of the entrance to the house and Rustam sat to his...and they were happily watching the garden n the road..while me and mom indulged in some gossip...over a cup of tea...Soon we were joined by my cousin Twinkle(thts quite a cute nickname)...He is a brilliant guy with a pure heart and utterly emotional approach towards life...a typical Saggitarian... :) We were discussing life, frenz and work, when all of a sudden he asked me why dont you ever post abt people betraying you when you needed them the most....and how the people you gave your 100% to, turned their backs on you...Hmm...Tht was a question..I wud say... He was deeply hurt by someone...and I knw where it came from... Well, I told him that its high-time I(infact we) come out of this cobweb of who did this to me..why he/she did this to me...or for that matter all the ifs,buts,hows and whys here...I think the best part is to stop being a crybaby and accept it as it comes..is what I told him...All this, is a part of the learning process and this is how you grow up....I have no regrets that I met those people...Everything heals with time...and it seems so unimportant to me now...and funny too at times...lol...and then, I know I will give it back to them someday if I need to...toh Tension nahi leney ka...bhai!! Just Accept it and move on...No point spoiling the essence of today with the yesterday that was... "Ek hi life hain, Isko fultoo jeeney ka" : Therz just one life to live, lets live it up :) And I am still wondering why I really dont bother abt what happened...Time changes and so do people...and I may have changed...thts a gud change though :)

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International Symbol of Marriage: AMUSING

AMUSED ME :)
If u don’t believe it,
Just type : International Symbol of Marriage
and search in Google images..
For those who cannot make out whats thr in the poor guy's hand
It is a credit card. :)

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I-m-perfect n Self-help(less)

Today when I clicked on'New Post', almost 10-15 thoughts crossed my mind...This is the worst thing about being able to remember everything coz you tend to stumble upon random thoughts so often that it is difficult to decide what is more important and what is not. :) In the terminology of self-help gurus, the management of your work,thoughts and random jobs is called 'Prioritization'. I wonder how can I treat my mind so mechanically and ask it to think about something, it is least interested in. Like I would never be able think about good moments,positive thoughts when someone from the past crops up who has been such a creep to me and who I have been looking for oflate to kick him where it hurts the most.... :) They say if you think about something good at that very moment it helps you become a better person... Don't gimme that!! I have no time to waste, I gotta kick him....lol... :) To be true, the Monday Time-management class was damn irritating....and the trainer told me this prioritization thingie...but at times I wonder, why cant we live life the way it is? Why do we want tips to enhance this..do that...and mess up the whole purpose of life... I find no pleasure in applying some mechanical,proven tips to my life...I mean its gr8 to be ME...the imperfect ME at times... I mean if I wud hv not misjudged people in my life...I wud hv never learnt that there are people who are beyond judgements in our lives,people who are there for you no matter wat.If I wud not have lost my way at Chicago Aiport, I wud not have overcome my fear of escalators. If I wud not have misplaced my driving license, I wud have been the one to get myself killed in the riots. If I wud not have faltered in interviews, I wud not have ended up with a better job tht makes me feel secure.I mean if I wud have actually sat there trying to mould myself with all the tips and tricks in town, I wud not have been what I am...If i wud not have got a jerk as company in CA, I wud not have met my Mr. Perfect on the way... There are many instances from my life where my choices, imperfections and infact at times, even the imperfections life threw at me ,ended up being positive for me.Like, my huge appearance has been a boon to me a lot many times in the crisis situations...Afterall I can scare people away...lol...Jokes apart, I feel that people need no tips to make a relationship work. If I love someone enuff for it to work , the relationship ought to work else we were never meant to be together. The simple pleasure of innocence,unsaid things, unexpressed feelings and surprises that were meant to bring a smile : are all lost amidst " How to get a guy?", "How to make people like you" etc books. Why dont we just let our emotions do what they mean to do? I have seen so many people who wud rationally be imperfect for each other but are really really happy together. They never work on it. I asked mom what made your marriage work and she said," She never thought she had to work towards it, when two people love each other, the rational,logical and analytical thinking does not come into picture at all.It just goes with the flow, you tend to respect each other for whoever you are" and then she is like: "If I already knew from a book that if he replies the blah-way then it means he does not like your blah-attitude or blah-blah action...then life wud not have been so beautiful...we have learnt to grow together as people and if I never made a mistake to hurt him, I wud have never explored what he likes and what he does not. " Thats my point: Why do we complicate life so much? Why dont we just follow our mind and our heart when it comes to OUR life? I am not against Self-help books, I have read some myself too but to be true they never helped. John Gray has so much to say abt Men and Women and their chemistry and all but yes, I cannot imagine asking my guy," Sweetie, Can you please keep the plates in the kitchen for me and please understand I dont mean to hurt you when I say that?."..Ah! Gimme a break... I can never do that, I mean who wud want so much of a hassle to be involved in something as routine as cleaning the table after dinner.If we are together, I dont need to go by the book and it sounds so cheesy to me...What if I say, "Hey, I will go get the dishes, u pls clean the table"...Did that hurt?? I dont think so... Maybe even after being a pure romantic, I still have my feet grounded and I am not in for all this super-cheesy and corny stuff....I am better off saying it the way I want... Whatever....I am not trying to be negative here but this is what crossed my mind.... After all, self-help books talk about saying what you feel like...lol :) Being Imperfect is nothing but an illusion, coz I donno how do you define perfection? Me being happy the way m are...perfect or imperfect ?? doesnt make sense to me. P.S. Grandma said ,"God help those who help themselves" and for atheists : have your own versions!!

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Apple half-eaten...!!

For those who are wondering about my grammar, well read on and you will know what state of mind am I in to call it Apple half eaten or a half-eaten Apple for that matter. There have been some great buys I had from California but my Apple Ipod was one of the most special items I got frm there. I simple loved it and that was the reason I never let bhai-log handle it brashly...that was history coz I never knew what was on its way!! Just another day I saw bhai(Sunny) using my Ipod's headphones with his HP laptop to listen to Ted Mosbey blabbering about yet another story in "How I met your mother?". I asked him not to use them with the laptop, almost 3-4 times that day...Fourth time was the last time I saw my dear headfones lying by the laptop's side :( Some 3 hours passed by when I stepped inside that room again and saw Happy Singh wagging his tail with utmost love....I guessed it, he does it only when he has done something really wrong and he gets caught. I searched frantically for what big loss this time (last time he chewed up my Nokia Headfones, but tht was affordable loss). My eyes rested on the lonely right-side headphone and well I looked for the left one and what do I see?? It is gone...Happy, who is usually on a diet, chewed up the left one with utmost curiosity...all I cud see was a wire holding on to nothing... :( Happy Singh gave me such innocent looks...trying to kiss my nose and tell me as if he had the best food of his life...but the way I stared at him, he ran away looking for his buddy Rustam so he cud play around or probably tell him abt it in his lingo...(None of my business, dogs may have lingos...am nt interested) And then entered Sunny, we just stood there looking at each other and well he guessed wat wud happen next? Tears came crashing down the red-face and I simply said nothing... He said he will buy me new headfones and well frankly I dont believe him. He hardly has time to buy himself a mosturiser,leave aside buying me Ipod headfones(which are rarely avaiable in delhi). He still insisted he will buy them for me.... I donno if he has still tried to search for the stores...or will he ever search for one... My lPod is nothing but a USB drive now :( I miss my head phones...His HP killed my HP....and well Sunny, now you knw why I ask you to take care of stuff and u guys tease me that I am too possessive abt the things tht I buy...nopes... Its just that it was my first buy for myself...so Sunny!! If u reading this blog, this is the time for damage control....go and get me a pair of headfones ASAP... P.S. Store location details for Delhi are welcome. :(

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Monday ka fundaa (Monday Blues)

Monday Mornings!! I dread them, yet they never disappear at all...Just like the huge scary woman who was rumored to kidnap kids and torch them...She wud stand under the same banyan tree every afternon while I was on my way back from skool...I was damn scared of her but she wud never disappear...that was pre-nursery skool...But THIS is MONDAY MORNING and I know I have to be in office...coz they pay me for atleast being at work...wat do I do there? Well, I myself donno...I m still kinda trying to figure it out... My driver was on leave so Dad offered to drive me to office...I wish I cud have seen the streak in his eyes...the streak of victory...as if he was waiting for this moment to come....:( For those who donno about the Dad vs Me story, well we are almost alike yet poles apart....coz we never agree in anything in this world...and especially cars :) I love AC cars(I mean why do we have Alto and SX4 ??) and he still loves to stick around with his Maruti 800 which has no audio and no AC and its nt that he cannot afford it but I think he has this fascination with the old stuff...I still remember how much coaxing went into convincing him to sell off his FIAT car... Anyways, so he smiled and said, I will drop you and mom both...I was like, gr8!! Guess wat? He drove me in his sans AC Maruti 800. And when Dad conspires then universe is with him, we had a terrible traffic jam and almost 12 trucks passed by me throwing some 500-700 gms of dust on my face, in my hair...and grrrrrr my clothes... I knew HE was loving it...finally after I planned to almost faint coz of dust n suffocation, he dropped me at the office gate and what did he say?? Nothing, we never say hello and bye to each other...even when it has been some thousands of times that he has picked me up and dropped me....I am surprised to say, We hardly talk on our way, coz we dont have anything to talk abt... :) With a dizzy spell zooming over my head, I entered the comofort of minuses of AC in office...OMG it was a beautiful start to a wrecking Monday... I had a Time Management Training at 9 and I reached at 8:45 and the trainer arrived only at 10:30. I love my life. :( This guy did not even bother to apologize for the delay and simply shrugged and said," I though u guys will come by 11". I was like " What do you mean dude?, 9 am sharp means 9 am sharp!!" The training was as boring as the guy....and the participants did most of the talking as he was least aware of wt all we needed to pursure in the course....grrr... I utilized the 10-15 min breaks to get my laptop fixed which required me to run from one floor to another...:( Altogether it was a tiresome Monday at office and then it was 6 when I called up Dad and asked him if he was on his way...but he told me he was at the office since 5( he was lying for sure so that I apologize and well, I did). Another bumpy joyride in Maruti 800 on my way back as he chose to take a shortcut that is full of the worst possible pits and bumps... I tuk a deep breathe and told myself...this shall pass...and we made it to our house after an hour... finally the creepy Monday ended....aaaaaaahaaaaa!! But Dad I can see you smiling....

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